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Kiddushin: Difference between revisions
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# If the ring gets lost, it is possible to do the Kiddushin with a coin.<ref> Pitchei Teshuva 27:1 cites the Bet Shmuel who held that initially one shouldn’t use a coin based on the gemara Bava Metsia 46a, but the Avnei Meilum argues that only for chalipin where the kinyan requires something that can have a lasting value is a coin ineffective. | # If the ring gets lost, it is possible to do the Kiddushin with a coin.<ref> Pitchei Teshuva 27:1 cites the Bet Shmuel who held that initially one shouldn’t use a coin based on the gemara Bava Metsia 46a, but the Avnei Meilum argues that only for chalipin where the kinyan requires something that can have a lasting value is a coin ineffective. | ||
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# The ring must belong exclusively to the chattan. Therefore, the practice is that the Mesader Kiddushin asks the chattan if the ring belongs to him.<ref> Shulchan Aruch EH 28:1, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:14. Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-//2 How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2]) 0:50 explains that he could have bought it or received it as a gift, as long as it is entirely his and not borrowed (Though Shulchan Aruch 28:17 holds that if it is borrowed, it would work bidieved as long as you notified the person you were borrowing from that you intended to use it for Kiddushin. See also Yabea Omer 6:6:7). Beit Shmuel 29:46 writes that it is the responsibility of the mesader Kiddushin to clarify this. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]) quotes Rav Schachter that you should ask this before the birkat erusin to minimize the pause between the beracha and giving the ring. | |||
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# One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a perutah.<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring. <ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | |||
# Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16) | |||
</ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | |||
# The ring should be placed on the right index finger of the kallah. If it is placed on the left hand, the Kiddushin is certainly still valid.<ref> Maharam Mintz 109, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:17), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:23, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]), [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]. | |||
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===Double Ring Ceremony=== | |||
# The performance of a double ring ceremony, where in addition to the chattan giving the kallah a ring, the kallah gives a ring to the chattan as well, should be strongly discouraged, even if the kallah does not say anything. | |||
<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe EH 3:18) writes that this practice is improper, for two reasons. First, it is a violation of the prohibition against imitating the practices of non-Jews. Secondly, conducting a double ring ceremony could lead to a fundamental misunderstanding of the entire construct of Kiddushin, as people will mistakenly think that the Kiddushin depends upon the transfer of rings from both the chattan to the kallah and the kallah to the chattan. Nevertheless, he concludes that the Kiddushin is still valid if this was done after the chattan already gave the ring and said the “harei at.” http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 7:35 agrees. See however, Rav Osher Weiss (Minchas Asher 1:71, 3:98) who believes that this Kiddushin would be invalid. [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour] writes that if the kallah also wishes to give a ring to the chattan, this should be done after the chuppa, and not as part of the ceremony. Regarding the general halacha when it comes to men wearing wedding bands, see Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/840402/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-men-wearing-wedding-bands/ (Ten Minute Halacha: Men Wearing Wedding Bands]). | |||
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===Removing Other Jewelry=== | |||
# Some have the minhag for the chattan and kallah to remove all jewelry before the chuppah.<ref>Shulchan Haezer vol. 2 pg. 137. Different explanations are given for this. Rav Soloveitchik (Nefesh Harav pg. 256) explained that this practice is a zecher lachurban. This is based on the Mishna in Sota 49a which speaks of a certain rabbinic decree in the times of the Roman empire to ban the kallah and chattan from wearing certain crowns in order to minimize our feelings of joy. | |||
</ref> Others think this is unnecessary.<ref>Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] ) 6:00 | |||
</ref> Some think that by giving away one’s personal belongings to his friend before going to the chuppah it is some sort of segula. In reality, there is no such segula, but one may do so, since the friend will make sure that it is watched properly.<ref> [http://www.thehalacha.com/wp-content/uploads/Vol4Issue12.pdf Halachically Speaking Vol 4 Issue 12] quoting Rav Yisrael Belsky </ref> | |||
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