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Kiddushin: Difference between revisions
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# The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:14). Rav Hershel Schachter ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/786134/rabbi-hershel-schachter/hilchos-siddur-kiddushin/ Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin] 4:00) explained that the reason this minhag developed was to show our compliance with Chazal as opposed to the Karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitei Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money specifically.<br /> | # The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:14). Rav Hershel Schachter ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/786134/rabbi-hershel-schachter/hilchos-siddur-kiddushin/ Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin] 4:00) explained that the reason this minhag developed was to show our compliance with Chazal as opposed to the Karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitei Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money specifically.<br /> | ||
One can technically use any item that is worth a perutah (25 mg of silver according to Shiurei Torah (3:42)). Although [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour Syrian Sephardic Wedding Guide] writes that the practice in the Syrian community is to use an actual coin (in which case you would say בכספא הדין instead of בטבעת זו), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:14) writes that the common practice is to use a ring. HaNesuin Kihilchatam 7:5 agrees. The Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 554) adds that a reason to use a ring is so that it should serve as a reminder to her always of her marriage. See Yalkut Yosef for mystical and other reasons.</ref> | One can technically use any item that is worth a perutah (25 mg of silver according to Shiurei Torah (3:42)). Although [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour Syrian Sephardic Wedding Guide] writes that the practice in the Syrian community is to use an actual coin (in which case you would say בכספא הדין instead of בטבעת זו), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:14) writes that the common practice is to use a ring. HaNesuin Kihilchatam 7:5 agrees. The Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 554) adds that a reason to use a ring is so that it should serve as a reminder to her always of her marriage. See Yalkut Yosef for mystical and other reasons.</ref> | ||
# Immediately after reciting the beracha on the wine and the Birkat Erusin,<ref> This is the position brought in Shulchan Aruch E.H. 34:1 because the Rif (Shu"t 293) and Rambam (Hilchot Ishut 3:23) hold that the Birkat Erusin is a birkat hamitzva. Therefore, it must be made [[over le’asiyatan]], before the Kiddushin. Otherwise, it would be a [[beracha levatala]]. Ramban Pesachim 7b s.v. vha agrees with the Rambam. Rabbenu Tam (Pesachim 7a s.v. Biliva’er) and other Rishonim argue that it is a birkat hashevach and should be recited after the Kiddushin. Tosfot HaRash Mshantz Pesachim 7a s.v. bilaver and Rashba Ketubot 7b agree. Although the opinion of the Rosh is subject to debate, the Beit Yosef (EH 34:1b) assumes that the Rosh holds like the Rif.</ref> the chattan should recite ”הרי את מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל”<ref>Sefer Hamakneh (Kuntres Acharon 27:3) writes that you should be careful to recite the full “harei at” before placing the ring on her finger. Haisuin Kihilchatam 7:38 and Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:8) agree. If one gave the ring before reciting the “harei at” they should give the ring again after reciting it. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 concludes that the same ring can be used the second time. See also Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha: Saying Harei at Mekudeshes After Giving the Ring)</ref> and put the ring on the finger of the kallah in the presence of two valid witnesses.<ref> | # Immediately after reciting the beracha on the wine and the Birkat Erusin,<ref> This is the position brought in Shulchan Aruch E.H. 34:1 because the Rif (Shu"t 293) and Rambam (Hilchot Ishut 3:23) hold that the Birkat Erusin is a birkat hamitzva. Therefore, it must be made [[over le’asiyatan]], before the Kiddushin. Otherwise, it would be a [[beracha levatala]]. Ramban Pesachim 7b s.v. vha agrees with the Rambam. Rabbenu Tam (Pesachim 7a s.v. Biliva’er) and other Rishonim argue that it is a birkat hashevach and should be recited after the Kiddushin. Tosfot HaRash Mshantz Pesachim 7a s.v. bilaver and Rashba Ketubot 7b agree. Although the opinion of the Rosh is subject to debate, the Beit Yosef (EH 34:1b) assumes that the Rosh holds like the Rif.</ref> the chattan should recite ”הרי את מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל”<ref>Sefer Hamakneh (Kuntres Acharon 27:3) writes that you should be careful to recite the full “harei at” before placing the ring on her finger. Haisuin Kihilchatam 7:38 and Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:8) agree. If one gave the ring before reciting the “harei at” they should give the ring again after reciting it. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 concludes that the same ring can be used the second time. See also Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha: Saying Harei at Mekudeshes After Giving the Ring)</ref> and put the ring on the finger of the kallah in the presence of two valid witnesses.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:1). According to many authorities, the witnesses must see the chatan place the ring on the kallah's finger (Shu”t HaRashba 1:780, Rama EH 42:4). Although [https://www.sefaria.org/Responsa_Chatam_Sofer%2C_Even_HaEzer.1.100.1?lang=bi Chatom Sofer EH 100] rules that this is not essential, the accepted practice is to be certain that the witnesses see the actual placing of the ring on the kallah's finger (Pitchei Teshuvah EH 42:12, Hanishuin Kihilchatam 8:12).</ref> | ||
# If he gave her the ring before saying the statement, she should return the ring and do it again correctly. After the fact, even if they didn’t redo it, the Kiddushin is valid.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:8) writes that it is important to say the hari at before giving the ring otherwise it is like getting married with a loan which is ineffective. If this happened he should take back the ring, say the hari at, and then give her the ring again. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 proves from Rama 27:3 that it is enough to just repeat the hari at and give the ring again and not to have to use a new ring. Rabbi Mordechai Willig (4th Year Halacha Hilchos Ishut 5) agrees that if he gave the ring first he should take it back and repeat it. Once the chatan said the words “hari at mikudeshet li” even though he didn’t finish the whole phrase the chatan should take back the ring and do it again. | # If he gave her the ring before saying the statement, she should return the ring and do it again correctly. After the fact, even if they didn’t redo it, the Kiddushin is valid.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:8) writes that it is important to say the hari at before giving the ring otherwise it is like getting married with a loan which is ineffective. If this happened he should take back the ring, say the hari at, and then give her the ring again. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 proves from Rama 27:3 that it is enough to just repeat the hari at and give the ring again and not to have to use a new ring. Rabbi Mordechai Willig (4th Year Halacha Hilchos Ishut 5) agrees that if he gave the ring first he should take it back and repeat it. Once the chatan said the words “hari at mikudeshet li” even though he didn’t finish the whole phrase the chatan should take back the ring and do it again. | ||
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# The ring must belong exclusively to the chattan. Therefore, the practice is that the Mesader Kiddushin asks the chattan if the ring belongs to him.<ref> Shulchan Aruch EH 28:1, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:14. Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-//2 How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2]) 0:50 explains that he could have bought it or received it as a gift, as long as it is entirely his and not borrowed (Though Shulchan Aruch 28:17 holds that if it is borrowed, it would work bidieved as long as you notified the person you were borrowing from that you intended to use it for Kiddushin. See also Yabea Omer 6:6:7). Beit Shmuel 29:46 writes that it is the responsibility of the mesader Kiddushin to clarify this. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]) quotes Rav Schachter that you should ask this before the birkat erusin to minimize the pause between the beracha and giving the ring. | # The ring must belong exclusively to the chattan. Therefore, the practice is that the Mesader Kiddushin asks the chattan if the ring belongs to him.<ref> Shulchan Aruch EH 28:1, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:14. Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-//2 How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2]) 0:50 explains that he could have bought it or received it as a gift, as long as it is entirely his and not borrowed (Though Shulchan Aruch 28:17 holds that if it is borrowed, it would work bidieved as long as you notified the person you were borrowing from that you intended to use it for Kiddushin. See also Yabea Omer 6:6:7). Beit Shmuel 29:46 writes that it is the responsibility of the mesader Kiddushin to clarify this. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]) quotes Rav Schachter that you should ask this before the birkat erusin to minimize the pause between the beracha and giving the ring. | ||
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# One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a [[perutah]].<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | # One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a [[Prutah|perutah]].<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | ||
# Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16). Kuntres Chupa Vnesu'in (R' Meir Sender p. 9) quotes Rav Elyashiv as explaining the practice to use a silver ring instead of gold because of אין קטיגור נעשה סניגור. | # Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16). Kuntres Chupa Vnesu'in (R' Meir Sender p. 9) quotes Rav Elyashiv as explaining the practice to use a silver ring instead of gold because of אין קטיגור נעשה סניגור. | ||
</ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | </ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | ||
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#The daughter of a non-Jew and a Jewish mother may not marry a kohen.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 4:5, 7:17</ref> If they got married after the fact they may stay married.<ref>Bet Shmuel 4:2 and 7:39</ref> | #The daughter of a non-Jew and a Jewish mother may not marry a kohen.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 4:5, 7:17</ref> If they got married after the fact they may stay married.<ref>Bet Shmuel 4:2 and 7:39</ref> | ||
#If they were married civilly and now want to do chupa and kiddushin, many rabbis wouldn’t allow the marriage.<Ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:5 is strict because the isur of a daughter of a non-Jew and a Jewish mother to a kohen is deoritta. Even though they’re allowed to each other after the fact it isn’t allowed just because they’re civilly married. [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=21291&st=&pgnum=322 Shemesh Umagen EH 3:58] is lenient even if they were civilly married or even just living together for a while. He holds that the entire isur is derabbanan. Mishna Lmelech and Shaar Hamelech (cited by Pitchei Teshuva 4:3) hold it is an isur deoritta, while Rabbi Akiva Eiger (91, cited by Pitchei Teshuva 6:15) holds it is only derabbanan.</ref> | #If they were married civilly and now want to do chupa and kiddushin, many rabbis wouldn’t allow the marriage.<Ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:5 is strict because the isur of a daughter of a non-Jew and a Jewish mother to a kohen is deoritta. Even though they’re allowed to each other after the fact it isn’t allowed just because they’re civilly married. [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=21291&st=&pgnum=322 Shemesh Umagen EH 3:58] is lenient even if they were civilly married or even just living together for a while. He holds that the entire isur is derabbanan. Mishna Lmelech and Shaar Hamelech (cited by Pitchei Teshuva 4:3) hold it is an isur deoritta, while Rabbi Akiva Eiger (91, cited by Pitchei Teshuva 6:15) holds it is only derabbanan.</ref> | ||
====Remarrying Your Divorcee==== | |||
#If a man was married to a woman and got divorced and then she got married to someone else, the first husband may never remarry his wife. If she didn't get married in between, he can and it is a good for him to remarry his divorcee.<ref>Devarim 24:1-4, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 10:1</ref> | |||
# If she didn't get married and was living together with another man that doesn't forbid her from remarrying her original husband.<ref>Rama E.H. 10:1</ref> | |||
# If a man married a woman (with kiddushin and chupa) and got divorced (with a ''get''), and then she married someone else with a civil marriage, if they did a ''get'' for that "marriage" the original husband may not remarry her.<ref>Chelkat Binyamin 6:28 quoting Rav Elyashiv (Kovetz Teshuvot 6:92)</ref> Sephardim are lenient in extenuating circumstances.<ref>Yabia Omer 6:1, [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=52532&st=&pgnum=273 Meishiv Mishpat EH 1:28], Shma Shlomo 1:2. Rav Amar in Shma Shlomo 1:2 and Rav Mazuz make this point that we should only be lenient for Sephardim and not Ashkenazim. Rav Asher Weiss in Minchat Asher 3:92 writes that if there was a civil marriage which they ended with a get, she can still go back to the first marriage because that get was only a chumra. He isn’t concerned for the Rama in 6:1, 10:1, and 13:9. He seems to be lenient even for Ashkenazim in extenuating circumstances. Otzar Haposkim 13:45 quotes Bet Yitzchak 2:73 who writes that it is permitted for Ashkenazim only in a very big extenuating circumstance such as there’s a concern that he’s going to stop being religious.</ref> | |||
===Marrying for Money=== | ===Marrying for Money=== | ||
