Kiddushin: Difference between revisions
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→Daughter-in-Law Same Name As Mother-in-Law or Son-in-Law Like Father-in-Law
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===Daughter-in-Law Same Name As Mother-in-Law or Son-in-Law Like Father-in-Law=== | ===Daughter-in-Law Same Name As Mother-in-Law or Son-in-Law Like Father-in-Law=== | ||
#Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid advised that a woman not marry a man whose mother's name is like her name. Similarly, a man should not marry a woman whose father's name is like his name.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7</ref> Some are only concerned for a wife and mother-in-law having the same name and not concerned for a man and a father-in-law having the same name.<Ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 20) quoting Arizal and Divrei Chayim</ref> Reasons suggested for this are ayin hara,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Chida on Sefer Hachasidim n. 477</ref> in order to be able to fulfill kibbud av v'em by naming one's child after one's parent after they pass away,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Maharil 17</ref> or so that the wife doesn't call her husband by his first name in front of her father sharing that same name.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Even Harosha. In n. 4 Tirosh Vyitzhar is quoted as holding that if he doesn't call his wife by her name and instead by rebbetzin it is fine even if her name is like his mother's name.</ref> Some poskim hold that Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid only meant it for his descendants and it isn't halachically binding.<Ref>Nodeh Beyehuda 2:79 cited by Pitchei Teshuva YD 116:6, Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 5) quotes Shev Yakov who agrees.</ref> | #Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid advised that a woman not marry a man whose mother's name is like her name. Similarly, a man should not marry a woman whose father's name is like his name.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7</ref> Some are only concerned for a wife and mother-in-law having the same name and not concerned for a man and a father-in-law having the same name.<Ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 20) quoting Arizal and Divrei Chayim</ref> Reasons suggested for this are ayin hara,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Chida on Sefer Hachasidim n. 477</ref> in order to be able to fulfill kibbud av v'em by naming one's child after one's parent after they pass away,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Maharil 17</ref> or so that the wife doesn't call her husband by his first name in front of her father sharing that same name.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 3) quoting Even Harosha. In n. 4 Tirosh Vyitzhar is quoted as holding that if he doesn't call his wife by her name and instead by rebbetzin it is fine even if her name is like his mother's name.</ref> Some poskim hold that Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid only meant it for his descendants and it isn't halachically binding.<Ref>Nodeh Beyehuda 2:79 cited by Pitchei Teshuva YD 116:6, Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 5) quotes Shev Yakov who agrees.</ref> | ||
#It is permitted for one of them to change their name to avoid this issue.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7 quotes that the Chatom Sofer switched someone's name to avoid this issue.</ref> | #It is permitted for one of them to change their name to avoid this issue.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7 quotes that the Chatom Sofer switched someone's name to avoid this issue. Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 12) quotes poskim who allowed changing the name but Rav Chaim Palagi advised against it.</ref> Some say adding a name is sufficient, while others argue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 12) quotes that Levushei Mordechai wrote that the minhag is to add a name thirty days before the tenayim. However, Zichron Yehuda holds that adding a name doesn't work. Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 13) quotes that Tzemech Tzedek agrees with Levushei Mordechai. He holds that they should add a name specifically to the daughter-in-law and not the mother-in-law.</ref> | ||
#There are many leniencies: | #There are many leniencies: | ||
##If they go by different names even if their real names are the same is fine.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 1) quoting Sheilat Shalom, Maharsham, Makor Chesed, and Zichron Yehuda.</ref> | ##If they go by different names even if their real names are the same is fine.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 1) quoting Sheilat Shalom, Maharsham, Makor Chesed, and Zichron Yehuda. Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 10) quotes Sdei Chemed and Pri Hasadeh who are lenient since there is no ayin hara.</ref> | ||
##If they go by the same name but their real names are different it is a dispute if that is an issue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 9) quotes China Vchisda who is lenient and Sdei Chemed who is strict.</ref> | |||
## It is worthwhile to marry into a Torah family and not be concerned with the names being the same.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7 quoting Chatom Sofer is lenient in order to marry into a Torah family as long as the names of the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law aren't the same.</ref> | ## It is worthwhile to marry into a Torah family and not be concerned with the names being the same.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 2:7 quoting Chatom Sofer is lenient in order to marry into a Torah family as long as the names of the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law aren't the same.</ref> | ||
##If one has a name and the other has a double name, some poskim hold that it isn't an issue. For example, if one is Leib and the other is Yakov Leib it isn't an issue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Shem Aryeh, Bet Yitzchak, Torat Chesed, and others. See Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 6) quoting Maharsham 5:28 who was lenient when the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law's names were all the same except they were different in the second name. That leniency was agreed upon by Imrei Esh, Haflah, and Shem Aryeh.</ref> Some poskim argue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Sdei Chemed</ref> If one has a double name and one doesn't but they are both called by the same name, some are still lenient,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Ohel Yehoshua</ref> while others are strict in this case.<Ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Tzemech Tzedek</ref> | ##If one has a name and the other has a double name, some poskim hold that it isn't an issue. For example, if one is Leib and the other is Yakov Leib it isn't an issue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Shem Aryeh, Bet Yitzchak, Torat Chesed, and others. See Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 6) quoting Maharsham 5:28 who was lenient when the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law's names were all the same except they were different in the second name. That leniency was agreed upon by Imrei Esh, Haflah, and Shem Aryeh.</ref> Some poskim argue.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Sdei Chemed</ref> If one has a double name and one doesn't but they are both called by the same name, some are still lenient,<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Ohel Yehoshua</ref> while others are strict in this case.<Ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 8) quoting Tzemech Tzedek</ref> | ||
## Some are lenient as long as the names of three generations, namely the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law aren't the same.<ref>Chachmat Adam 123:13 cited by Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 6). Otzar Haposkim quotes several poskim who agree and some who disagree with this leniency.</ref> | ## Some are lenient as long as the names of three generations, namely the father-in-law, son-in-law, and son-in-law's son-in-law aren't the same.<ref>Chachmat Adam 123:13 cited by Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 6). Otzar Haposkim quotes several poskim who agree and some who disagree with this leniency.</ref> | ||
##Some allow if the couple gets permission from three rabbis.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 14) quoting Avnei Tzedek</ref> | |||
#Someone who knows a couple who wasn't aware for this stringency of Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid doesn't need to tell them about it.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 16) quoting Chatom Sofer and Shem Aryeh. However, Yosef Ometz and Sdei Chemed writes that a person should alert the couple for the wellbeing of their marriage.</ref> | |||
# If the husband's name is like his mother-in-law or wife like her father-in-law there is no concern.<Ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 22) quoting Shivyim Temarim</ref> | |||
===If Husband and Wife's Names Are Alike=== | |||
# Some poskim write that if someone is concerned for Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid if the husband and wife's names are alike they should change one of them.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 21) quotes that Maaseh Ish was concerned about this, but Sdei Chemed questioned this extension of Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid.</ref> | |||
===Two Brothers Marrying Two Sisters=== | |||
# Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid writes that two brothers shouldn't marry two sisters.<Ref>Tzvat Rabbi Yehuda Hachasid n. 25</ref> Some question this.<Ref>Nodeh Beyehuda 2:79. Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 23) quotes Mekor Chesed who answers the Nodeh Beyehuda's questions.</ref> | |||
#Some are concerned about a sister and bother marrying a brother and sister, but others aren't.<ref>Otzar Haposkim (siman 2, Tzvat R' Yehuda Hachasid n. 26) quotes that Tzemech Tzedek married off a son and daughter to a daughter and son in the same family, but Knesset Hagedola was concerned even about this.</ref> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
