Kiddushin: Difference between revisions
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==Ritual Results of Kiddushin== | ==Ritual Results of Kiddushin== | ||
# Once a woman is halachically engaged, it is an extremely serious sin to have relations with anyone else.<ref>Vayikra 20:10, Rambam (Ishut 1:3)</ref> Not only that, there are numerous safeguards some of which are | # Once a woman is halachically engaged, it is an extremely serious sin to have relations with anyone else.<ref>Vayikra 20:10, Rambam (Ishut 1:3)</ref> Not only that, there are numerous safeguards some of which are biblical and some of which are rabbinic which prevent a married woman from becoming too close with another man. These apply equally to a married and halachically engaged woman.<ref>With regards to [[Yichud]], see Avoda Zara 36b. Regarding the numerous other separations between men and women, such as touching, staring inappropriately, speaking together inappropriately, listening to her voice, or even thinking about her inappropriately, see the [[Appropriate Interaction between Men and Women]] page.</ref> | ||
==Procedure of Kiddushin== | ==Procedure of Kiddushin== | ||
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===Giving the Ring and Saying Harei At Mekudeshet Li=== | ===Giving the Ring and Saying Harei At Mekudeshet Li=== | ||
# The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.<ref>Shulchan Aruch 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:14). Rav Hershel Schachter ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/786134/rabbi-hershel-schachter/hilchos-siddur-kiddushin/ Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin] 4:00) explained that the reason this minhag developed was to show our compliance with Chazal as opposed to the Karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitei Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money specifically.<br /> | # The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:14). Rav Hershel Schachter ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/786134/rabbi-hershel-schachter/hilchos-siddur-kiddushin/ Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin] 4:00) explained that the reason this minhag developed was to show our compliance with Chazal as opposed to the Karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitei Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money specifically.<br /> | ||
One can technically use any item that is worth a perutah (25 mg of silver according to Shiurei Torah (3:42)). Although [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour Syrian Sephardic Wedding Guide] writes that the practice in the Syrian community is to use an actual coin (in which case you would say בכספא הדין instead of בטבעת זו), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:14) writes that the common practice is to use a ring. HaNesuin Kihilchatam 7:5 agrees. The Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 554) adds that a reason to use a ring is so that it should serve as a reminder to her always of her marriage. See Yalkut Yosef for mystical and other reasons.</ref> | One can technically use any item that is worth a perutah (25 mg of silver according to Shiurei Torah (3:42)). Although [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour Syrian Sephardic Wedding Guide] writes that the practice in the Syrian community is to use an actual coin (in which case you would say בכספא הדין instead of בטבעת זו), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:14) writes that the common practice is to use a ring. HaNesuin Kihilchatam 7:5 agrees. The Sefer Hachinuch (Mitzvah 554) adds that a reason to use a ring is so that it should serve as a reminder to her always of her marriage. See Yalkut Yosef for mystical and other reasons.</ref> | ||
# Immediately after reciting the beracha on the wine and the Birkat Erusin,<ref> This is the position brought in Shulchan Aruch E.H. 34:1 because the Rif (Shu"t 293) and Rambam (Hilchot Ishut 3:23) hold that the Birkat Erusin is a birkat hamitzva. Therefore, it must be made [[over le’asiyatan]], before the Kiddushin. Otherwise, it would be a [[beracha levatala]]. Ramban Pesachim 7b s.v. vha agrees with the Rambam. Rabbenu Tam (Pesachim 7a s.v. Biliva’er) and other Rishonim argue that it is a birkat hashevach and should be recited after the Kiddushin. Tosfot HaRash Mshantz Pesachim 7a s.v. bilaver | # Immediately after reciting the beracha on the wine and the Birkat Erusin,<ref> This is the position brought in Shulchan Aruch E.H. 34:1 because the Rif (Shu"t 293) and Rambam (Hilchot Ishut 3:23) hold that the Birkat Erusin is a birkat hamitzva. Therefore, it must be made [[over le’asiyatan]], before the Kiddushin. Otherwise, it would be a [[beracha levatala]]. Ramban Pesachim 7b s.v. vha agrees with the Rambam. Rabbenu Tam (Pesachim 7a s.v. Biliva’er) and other Rishonim argue that it is a birkat hashevach and should be recited after the Kiddushin. Tosfot HaRash Mshantz Pesachim 7a s.v. bilaver and Rashba Ketubot 7b agree. Although the opinion of the Rosh is subject to debate, the Beit Yosef (EH 34:1b) assumes that the Rosh holds like the Rif.</ref> the chattan should recite ”הרי את מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל”<ref>Sefer Hamakneh (Kuntres Acharon 27:3) writes that you should be careful to recite the full “harei at” before placing the ring on her finger. Haisuin Kihilchatam 7:38 and Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:8) agree. If one gave the ring before reciting the “harei at” they should give the ring again after reciting it. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 concludes that the same ring can be used the second time. See also Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha: Saying Harei at Mekudeshes After Giving the Ring)</ref> and put the ring on the finger of the kallah in the presence of two valid witnesses.<ref><Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:1). According to many authorities, the witnesses must see the chatan place the ring on the kallah's finger (Shu”t HaRashba 1:780, Rama EH 42:4). Although some authorities rule that this is not essential, the accepted practice is to be certain that the witnesses see the actual placing of the ring on the kallah's finger (Pitchei Teshuvah EH 42:12, Hanishuin Kihilchatam 8:12).</ref> | ||
# If he gave her the ring before saying the statement, she should return the ring and do it again correctly. After the fact, even if they didn’t redo it, the Kiddushin is valid.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:8) writes that it is important to say the hari at before giving the ring otherwise it is like getting married with a loan which is ineffective. If this happened he should take back the ring, say the hari at, and then give her the ring again. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 proves from Rama 27:3 that it is enough to just repeat the hari at and give the ring again and not to have to use a new ring. Rabbi Mordechai Willig (4th Year Halacha Hilchos Ishut 5) agrees that if he gave the ring first he should take it back and repeat it. Once the chatan said the words “hari at mikudeshet li” even though he didn’t finish the whole phrase the chatan should take back the ring and do it again. | # If he gave her the ring before saying the statement, she should return the ring and do it again correctly. After the fact, even if they didn’t redo it, the Kiddushin is valid.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sovah Semachot 1:7:8) writes that it is important to say the hari at before giving the ring otherwise it is like getting married with a loan which is ineffective. If this happened he should take back the ring, say the hari at, and then give her the ring again. Yabia Omer EH 2:5:3 proves from Rama 27:3 that it is enough to just repeat the hari at and give the ring again and not to have to use a new ring. Rabbi Mordechai Willig (4th Year Halacha Hilchos Ishut 5) agrees that if he gave the ring first he should take it back and repeat it. Once the chatan said the words “hari at mikudeshet li” even though he didn’t finish the whole phrase the chatan should take back the ring and do it again. | ||
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# One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a [[perutah]].<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | # One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a [[perutah]].<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | ||
# Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16) | # Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16). Kuntres Chupa Vnesu'in (R' Meir Sender p. 9) quotes Rav Elyashiv as explaining the practice to use a silver ring instead of gold because of אין קטיגור נעשה סניגור. | ||
</ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | </ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | ||
# The ring should be placed on the right index finger of the kallah. If it is placed on the left hand, the Kiddushin is certainly still valid.<ref> Maharam Mintz 109, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:17), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:23, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]), [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]. | # The ring should be placed on the right index finger of the kallah. If it is placed on the left hand, the Kiddushin is certainly still valid.<ref> Maharam Mintz 109, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:17), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:23, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]), [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]. | ||
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# If the chattan uses something forbidden from benefit on a | # If the chattan uses something forbidden from benefit on a biblical level or even a rabbinic level that has a connection to a biblical law the kiddushin is completely invalid.<ref>Rav in Pesachim 7a establishes that if someone uses chametz to effect kiddushin on Erev Pesach it is invalid. Rashi s.v. afilu understands that it is referring to the sixth hour, while Rabbenu Tam (Tosfot 6b s.v. mshesh) argues that we're discussing after chatzot. The Ramban (Milchamot Hashem 3a) and Ran (on Rif 3a) agree with the Tosfot, while the Rif and Rambam seem to agree with Rashi. Tosfot Kiddushin 58a s.v. alma is bothered why the Gemara Kiddushin implies that using something forbidden by the rabbis is a valid kiddushin while Pesachim invalidates the kiddushin. They answer that if it is a rabbinic prohibition that is connected to a biblical prohibition it is totally invalid, but if it isn't connected to a biblical prohibition then the kiddushin is valid. Tosfot Chullin 4b s.v. muter has a similar approach. Rosh Kiddushin 2:31 agrees. Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 codifies this approach.</ref> However, if someone uses something that is only rabbinic and not connected to any biblical law it is a dispute if that is a valid kiddushin and therefore, she would need to redo the kiddushin or receive a get before marrying someone else.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 writes that it is certainly a valid kiddushin. Biur Hagra 28:55* argues that according to Rashi 7a s.v. afilu and Rambam Ishut 5:1 it isn't a valid kiddushin. Bet Shmuel 28:52 wonders how anyone could hold that the kiddushin is valid since it is in violation of a rabbinic prohibition. Avnei Miluyim 28:54 addresses the Bet Shmuel's question.</ref> | ||
# If the chattan uses chametz in the sixth hour of Erev Pesach or rabbinic chametz after chatzot on Erev Pesach some say it is an invalid kiddushin and some say it is a dispute and requires a get before remarrying.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 writes that it is a dispute if it is a valid kiddushin both if it is real chametz in the sixth hour or rabbinic chametz after midday. From the Bet Yosef it appears that the opinion he is considered about is the Ramban (Milchamot Hashem 3a) who says that any kiddushin with chametz during the sixth hour is partially valid to the degree that she may not get remarried without a get. Additionally, the Bet Yosef 28:21 is concerned for the opinion of the Baal Hameor who thinks that we don't follow Rav in Pesachim 7a altogether. Bet Shmuel 28:53 challenges Shulchan Aruch why he was concerned with the Baal Hameor but not concerned about his opinion regarding when it is | # If the chattan uses chametz in the sixth hour of Erev Pesach or rabbinic chametz after chatzot on Erev Pesach some say it is an invalid kiddushin and some say it is a dispute and requires a get before remarrying.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 writes that it is a dispute if it is a valid kiddushin both if it is real chametz in the sixth hour or rabbinic chametz after midday. From the Bet Yosef it appears that the opinion he is considered about is the Ramban (Milchamot Hashem 3a) who says that any kiddushin with chametz during the sixth hour is partially valid to the degree that she may not get remarried without a get. Additionally, the Bet Yosef 28:21 is concerned for the opinion of the Baal Hameor who thinks that we don't follow Rav in Pesachim 7a altogether. Bet Shmuel 28:53 challenges Shulchan Aruch why he was concerned with the Baal Hameor but not concerned about his opinion regarding when it is biblical chametz after midday. He answers that the Baal Hameor himself would invalidate such a kiddushin. See Baal Hameor on 21b. Biur Hagra 28:55* disagrees with Shulchan Aruch that he isn't concerned for the opinion of the Ramban or Baal Hameor and holds that the kiddushin is invalid. This is the opinion of Rashi, Tosfot, Rosh, and Rambam.</ref> If the chattan uses chametz after midday or on Pesach itself it is an invalid kiddushin.<ref>Pesachim 7a, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21</ref> | ||
===Double Ring Ceremony=== | ===Double Ring Ceremony=== | ||
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===Removing Other Jewelry=== | ===Removing Other Jewelry=== | ||
# Some have the minhag for the chattan and kallah to remove all jewelry before the chuppah.<ref>Shulchan Haezer vol. 2 pg. | # Some have the minhag for the chattan and kallah to remove all jewelry before the chuppah.<ref>[https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46545&pgnum=118 Nitai Gavriel (Nesuin 15:5)]. One of his sources is [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8556&st=&pgnum=275 Shulchan Haezer vol. 2 pg. 136a] who says that the minhag is for the chattan to remove any money from his pocket to be reminscient of the day of death. Different explanations are given for this. Rav Soloveitchik (Nefesh Harav pg. 256) explained that this practice is a zecher lachurban. This is based on the Mishna in Sota 49a which speaks of a certain rabbinic decree in the times of the Roman empire to ban the kallah and chattan from wearing certain crowns in order to minimize our feelings of joy. | ||
</ref> Others think this is unnecessary.<ref>Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] ) 6:00 | </ref> Others think this is unnecessary.<ref>Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] ) 6:00 | ||
</ref> Some think that by giving away one’s personal belongings to his friend before going to the chuppah it is some sort of segula. In reality, there is no such segula, but one may do so, since the friend will make sure that it is watched properly.<ref> [http://www.thehalacha.com/wp-content/uploads/Vol4Issue12.pdf Halachically Speaking Vol 4 Issue 12] quoting Rav Yisrael Belsky </ref> | </ref> Some think that by giving away one’s personal belongings to his friend before going to the chuppah it is some sort of segula. In reality, there is no such segula, but one may do so, since the friend will make sure that it is watched properly.<ref> [http://www.thehalacha.com/wp-content/uploads/Vol4Issue12.pdf Halachically Speaking Vol 4 Issue 12] quoting Rav Yisrael Belsky </ref> | ||
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*The Rosh (Ketubot 1:12) first brings the opinion of the Rif that one must make the Beracha before, but he then brings the latter opinion and doesn't explicitly take sides. On the other hand, In his Teshuvot (Klal 26) he explicitly sides with the Rif. The Korban Netanel (2) suggests that the Rosh must really hold like the Rif, but brought the latter opinion to indicate thar if one did forget to make the Beracha before the Kiddushin, there is what to rely on to make it afterwards. The Beit Shmuel (34:4) and Chelkat Mechokek (34:2) both assume like this, as well, though they make no reference to the Rosh. | *The Rosh (Ketubot 1:12) first brings the opinion of the Rif that one must make the Beracha before, but he then brings the latter opinion and doesn't explicitly take sides. On the other hand, In his Teshuvot (Klal 26) he explicitly sides with the Rif. The Korban Netanel (2) suggests that the Rosh must really hold like the Rif, but brought the latter opinion to indicate thar if one did forget to make the Beracha before the Kiddushin, there is what to rely on to make it afterwards. The Beit Shmuel (34:4) and Chelkat Mechokek (34:2) both assume like this, as well, though they make no reference to the Rosh. | ||
*The Beit Yosef (34:1b) assumes that the Rosh holds entirely Rif; therefore, since all three Amudei HaHoraah (pillars of halacha) agree, this is the position he writes in Shulchan Aruch (34:1). The Bach takes issue with the Beit Yosef's understanding of the Rosh, as the Rosh himself (later, in 1:17) brings the opinion of Rav Nissim Gaon that one can still make Birkat Erusin up until the Nissuin. The Chiddushei Hagahot (on that Beit Yosef, printed in the Shirat Devorah Tur) raises an important issue in Kllalei HaPesak. He refers to the Kllal brought by the Tur (CM 72) that when faced with a contradiction between the Piskei haRosh and the Teshuvot HaRosh, we follow the Pesakim, so the Shulchan Aruch should've taken this into account. However, the Beit Yosef himself doesn't agree to the rule (YD 169; 201), and it's not totally clear that the Rosh changed his mind in the Pesakim. Additionally, there is little to no practical ramification, as it would be a Machaloket Amudei Horaah of 2 vs. 1, where he would just pasken against the Rosh. See further Sh"t Rambam 101, Rambam Hilchot Berachot 5:5, Sh"t Tashbetz (2:27), Meiri (Pesachim 7b), and Hagahot Rabbi Akiva Eiger (YD 19:1). | *The Beit Yosef (34:1b) assumes that the Rosh holds entirely Rif; therefore, since all three Amudei HaHoraah (pillars of halacha) agree, this is the position he writes in Shulchan Aruch (34:1). The Bach takes issue with the Beit Yosef's understanding of the Rosh, as the Rosh himself (later, in 1:17) brings the opinion of Rav Nissim Gaon that one can still make Birkat Erusin up until the Nissuin. The Chiddushei Hagahot (on that Beit Yosef, printed in the Shirat Devorah Tur) raises an important issue in Kllalei HaPesak. He refers to the Kllal brought by the Tur (CM 72) that when faced with a contradiction between the Piskei haRosh and the Teshuvot HaRosh, we follow the Pesakim, so the Shulchan Aruch should've taken this into account. However, the Beit Yosef himself doesn't agree to the rule (YD 169; 201), and it's not totally clear that the Rosh changed his mind in the Pesakim. Additionally, there is little to no practical ramification, as it would be a Machaloket Amudei Horaah of 2 vs. 1, where he would just pasken against the Rosh. See further Sh"t Rambam 101, Rambam Hilchot Berachot 5:5, Sh"t Tashbetz (2:27), Meiri (Pesachim 7b), and Hagahot Rabbi Akiva Eiger (YD 19:1). | ||
*As referenced above, there are a number of Rishonim who were of the opinion that one may make the Birkat Erusin until the Nissuin, as the | *As referenced above, there are a number of Rishonim who were of the opinion that one may make the Birkat Erusin until the Nissuin, as the biblical permissibility of one to his wife accomplished through the Erusin has not yet ended, similar to one's ability to make Birkat HaMazon as long as the food has not been fully digested in his body. Those Rishonim include the Hagahot Maimoniot (Hil' Ishut 3, 60), Hagahot Asheri (Ketubot 1:12), Rav Nissim Gaon and Rabbeinu Yonah (quoted in the Rosh Ketubot 1:17, Tur 34), the Rivash (responsa 82), Mordechai (Ketubot 1:131), Rama (34:1). See Mishneh LeMelech (Hil' Ishut 3). As it does "look" like a Beracha Levatala, when one makes Birkat Erusin at Nissuin, some Rishonim (Sh"t HaRivash 88, R' Peretz quoted in Beit Yosef 34:3, See Darkei Moshe 34:6) suggest redoing the Maaseh Kiddushin. Others even say one should repeat the Beracha (Rabbeinu Nissim quoted in Beit Yosef 34:3, Kol Bo quoted in Darkei Moshe 34:6,7), especially if he did the original Kiddushin through a Shaliach. The former Rishonim said that would be a Beracha Levatala, and one should only say the Beracha without Shem uMalchut. The Rama (34:4) paskens like the Rivash. </ref> | ||
#The Minhag is that the Mesader Kiddushin is the one who makes the Beracha.<ref>The Rama (34:1) writes that even though when one does a Mitzvah himself and not through a Shaliach he makes the Beracha himself, in order not to embarrass one who does not know how to make a Beracha, the Minhag developed that someone else makes the Beracha. | #The Minhag is that the Mesader Kiddushin is the one who makes the Beracha.<ref>The Rama (34:1) writes that even though when one does a Mitzvah himself and not through a Shaliach he makes the Beracha himself, in order not to embarrass one who does not know how to make a Beracha, the Minhag developed that someone else makes the Beracha. | ||
*With regards to making Birkat Erusin via a Shaliach, See Tosafot Ketubot 7b and Tur 34:1 who says the Shaliach makes the Beracha. The Rambam (Hil' Ishut 3:23) says that either one may makes the Beracha. Shulchan Aruch (34:1) sounds like one makes the Beracha himself regardless, and there the Rama makes his above comment. See Magen Avraham OC 432:6, Meiri beginning of second Perek of Kiddushin, Darkei Moshe (34:7, 35:1, and 62:7).</ref> | *With regards to making Birkat Erusin via a Shaliach, See Tosafot Ketubot 7b and Tur 34:1 who says the Shaliach makes the Beracha. The Rambam (Hil' Ishut 3:23) says that either one may makes the Beracha. Shulchan Aruch (34:1) sounds like one makes the Beracha himself regardless, and there the Rama makes his above comment. See Magen Avraham OC 432:6, Meiri beginning of second Perek of Kiddushin, Darkei Moshe (34:7, 35:1, and 62:7).</ref> | ||
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==Nesuin before Kiddushin== | ==Nesuin before Kiddushin== | ||
# Is it possible to have a Nesuin before Kiddushin? It is a major dispute in the Achronim.<ref>The Masat Binyamin (responsa 90), student of the Rama, writes that it is obvious that chupa is ineffective before Kiddushin. The Bet Shmuel 64:6 adopts this view. The Mishna L’Melech (Ishut 10:2), however, argues because the Ramban (Kiddushin 10a s.v. veha), Rashba (s.v. iy), Ritva (s.v. iybaya) clearly hold that chupa is effective even if the Kiddushin only takes place afterwards. Rav Yohanatan Eibishitz in Bnei Ahuva (Ishut 10:2) answers for the Masat Binyamin, though he favors the opinion of the Mishna Lemelech. See further Pitchei Teshuva EH 61:1. Of interesting note is the Mordechai (Ketubot no. 132) who explains the text of the sheva brachot “chupa v’Kiddushin” to indicate that the order is of no consequence.</ref> | # Is it possible to have a Nesuin before Kiddushin? It is a major dispute in the Achronim.<ref>The Masat Binyamin (responsa 90), student of the Rama, writes that it is obvious that chupa is ineffective before Kiddushin. The Bet Shmuel 64:6 adopts this view. The Mishna L’Melech (Ishut 10:2), however, argues because the Ramban (Kiddushin 10a s.v. veha), Rashba (s.v. iy), Ritva (s.v. iybaya) clearly hold that chupa is effective even if the Kiddushin only takes place afterwards. Rav Yohanatan Eibishitz in Bnei Ahuva (Ishut 10:2) answers for the Masat Binyamin, though he favors the opinion of the Mishna Lemelech. See further Pitchei Teshuva EH 61:1. Of interesting note is the Mordechai (Ketubot no. 132) who explains the text of the sheva brachot “chupa v’Kiddushin” to indicate that the order is of no consequence.</ref> | ||
==Marrying a Bat Kohen== | |||
# Kohanim have a special status in klal yisrael and it is fitting for a bat kohen to marry a kohen or a talmid chacham, since Torah is another crown comparable to kehuna. Someone who is not religious and degrades mitzvot should not marry a bat kohen.<ref>Gemara Pesachim 49a, Rambam Isurei Biyah 21:31, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 2:8. Chavot Yair 70 tangentially writes that nowadays we don't have an am haaretz for these purposes. Pitchei Teshuva YD 217:16, EH 2:9 and Machasit Hashekel 415:1 cite the Chavot Yair. Mishna Brurah 415:2 quotes the Chavot Yair and qualifies it that if a person degrades mitzvot they are certainly in the category of am haaretz even today. Aruch Hashulchan EH 2:5 agrees. | |||
* The Sdei Chemed (Asifat Dinim, Maarechet Ishut, v. 4 p. 729, n. 36) quotes several achronim who assume unlike the Chavot Yair and wonders why. Firstly, he cites the Tzemech Tzedek 11 who writes that someone who knows one masechet isn't an am haaretz. He says we do have am haaretz today but we can allow an am haaretz to marry a bat kohen since it isn't clear that we have kohanim meyuchasim today. Ruach Chaim 2:3 also assumes we have am haaretz today. He says that it isn't advised and if he's asked he recommends against but doesn't say it is forbidden. China Vchisda v. 2 p. 228c s.v. heneh disagrees with the Chavot Yair because he didn't have any proofs. He also notes that a chalala doesn't have the status of a bat kohen for this discussion. Lastly, Yemey Shlomo Isurei Biya 21 also assumes we have am haaretz today. </ref> | |||
#A person should endeavor to marry a bat talmid chacham and not a bat am haaretz.<ref>Pesachim 49a, Rambam Isurei Biyah 21:32, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 2:6. Taz 2:3 derives from Rashi 49b s.v. am that if she values torah and would want her husband to learn Torah, then it is permitted to marry her. Birkei Yosef 2:4 extends this further to where she doesn't value Torah but allows him to learn because she comes from a wealthy family.</ref> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
<references/> | <references/> | ||
[[Category:Lifecycles]] | [[Category:Lifecycles]] | ||
[[Category:Interactions between Men and Women]] | [[Category:Interactions between Men and Women]] | ||
