Kiddushin: Difference between revisions
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# The ring must belong exclusively to the chattan. Therefore, the practice is that the Mesader Kiddushin asks the chattan if the ring belongs to him.<ref> Shulchan Aruch EH 28:1, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:14. Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-//2 How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2]) 0:50 explains that he could have bought it or received it as a gift, as long as it is entirely his and not borrowed (Though Shulchan Aruch 28:17 holds that if it is borrowed, it would work bidieved as long as you notified the person you were borrowing from that you intended to use it for Kiddushin. See also Yabea Omer 6:6:7). Beit Shmuel 29:46 writes that it is the responsibility of the mesader Kiddushin to clarify this. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]) quotes Rav Schachter that you should ask this before the birkat erusin to minimize the pause between the beracha and giving the ring. | # The ring must belong exclusively to the chattan. Therefore, the practice is that the Mesader Kiddushin asks the chattan if the ring belongs to him.<ref> Shulchan Aruch EH 28:1, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:14. Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-//2 How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2]) 0:50 explains that he could have bought it or received it as a gift, as long as it is entirely his and not borrowed (Though Shulchan Aruch 28:17 holds that if it is borrowed, it would work bidieved as long as you notified the person you were borrowing from that you intended to use it for Kiddushin. See also Yabea Omer 6:6:7). Beit Shmuel 29:46 writes that it is the responsibility of the mesader Kiddushin to clarify this. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]) quotes Rav Schachter that you should ask this before the birkat erusin to minimize the pause between the beracha and giving the ring. | ||
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# One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a perutah.<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | # One should use a plain ring without any stones or designs, so that the kallah does not misevaluate the value of the ring.<ref>Tosafot Kiddushin 9a s.v. “Vihilchita,” Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:15), Nitei Gavriel 21:5, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:7, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz ([http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2])</ref> The custom is to confirm with the witnesses that the ring is worth a perutah to show that she is getting married on only a [[perutah]].<ref> Rama EH 31:2, Ben Ish Chai (Parashat Shoftim: Halacha 5), Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:12), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]</ref> Nonetheless, initially one should avoid any question by using a plain ring.<ref>The Aruch Hashulchan 31:8 comments that even though the kallah has a veil over her head to indicate that she accepts the ring whatever it is worth we should avoid such a shaylah by using a plain ring because of possible concerns.</ref> | ||
# Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16) | # Some have the minhag to use a silver ring,<ref>Ben Ish Chai Parashat Shoftim Halacha 8, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:16) | ||
</ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | </ref> while others prefer to use a gold ring.<ref> Mordechai Kiddushin 488, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:6, Otzar Haposkim 10: pg. 364</ref> Either is certainly acceptable,<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:00</ref> but if the ring is silver, the man must tell her so, otherwise she will assume it is gold, and it is questionable if the Kiddushin is effective.<ref>Nisuin K’halacha 7:6. Rama 31:2 writes that if he gives her a ring that is copper and lies that it is gold there is a safek Kiddushin.</ref> | ||
# The ring should be placed on the right index finger of the kallah. If it is placed on the left hand, the Kiddushin is certainly still valid.<ref> Maharam Mintz 109, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:17), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:23, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]), [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]. | # The ring should be placed on the right index finger of the kallah. If it is placed on the left hand, the Kiddushin is certainly still valid.<ref> Maharam Mintz 109, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:7:17), HaNisuin Kihilchatam 7:23, Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/777863/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-the-chuppah-part-2/ Ten Minute Halacha: The Chuppah Part 2]), [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 3:30, [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour]. | ||
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# If the chattan uses something forbidden from benefit on a Biblical level or even a rabbinic level that has a connection to a Biblical law the kiddushin is completely invalid.<ref>Rav in Pesachim 7a establishes that if someone uses chametz to effect kiddushin on Erev Pesach it is invalid. Rashi understands that it is referring to the sixth hour, while Rabbenu Tam argues that we're discussing after chatzot. The Ramban, Ran, and Rosh agree with the Tosfot, while the Rif and Rambam seem to agree with Rashi. Tosfot Kiddushin 58a is bothered why the Gemara Kiddushin implies that using something rabbinically forbidden is a valid kiddushin while Pesachim invalidates the kiddushin. They answer that if it is a rabbinic prohibition that is connected to a Biblical prohibition it is totally invalid, but if it isn't connected to a Biblical prohibition then the kiddushin is valid. Ran agrees. Tosfot Chullin has a similar approach. Rosh agrees. Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 codifies this approach.</ref> However, if someone uses something that is only rabbinic and not connected to any Biblical law it is a dispute if that is a valid kiddushin and therefore, she would need to redo the kiddushin or receive a get before marrying someone else.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 writes that it is certainly a valid kiddushin. Biur Hagra 28:55* argues that according to Rashi and Rambam it isn't a valid kiddushin. Bet Shmuel 28:53 wonders how anyone could hold that the kiddushin is valid since it is in violation of a rabbinic prohibition. Avnei Miluyim 28:54 addresses the Bet Shmuel's question.</ref> | |||
# If the chattan uses chametz in the sixth hour of Erev Pesach or rabbinic chametz after chatzot on Erev Pesach some say it is an invalid kiddushin and some say it is a dispute and requires a get before remarrying.<ref>Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21 writes that it is a dispute if it is a valid kiddushin both if it is real chametz in the sixth hour or rabbinic chametz after midday. From the Bet Yosef it appears that the opinion he is considered about is the Ramban who says that any kiddushin with chametz during the sixth hour is partially valid to the degree that she may not get remarried without a get. Additionally, the Bet Yosef is concerned for the opinion of the Baal Hameor who thinks that we don't follow Rav in Pesachim 7a altogether. Bet Shmuel challenges Shulchan Aruch why he was concerned with the Baal Hameor but not concerned about his opinion regarding when it is Biblical chametz after midday. He answers that the Baal Hameor himself would invalidate such a kiddushin. See Baal Hameor on 21b. Biur Hagra 28:55* disagrees with Shulchan Aruch that he isn't concerned for the opinion of the Ramban or Baal Hameor and holds that the kiddushin is invalid. This is the opinion of Rashi, Tosfot, Rosh, and Rambam.</ref> If the chattan uses chametz after midday or on Pesach itself it is an invalid kiddushin.<ref>Pesachim 7a, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 28:21</ref> | |||
===Double Ring Ceremony=== | ===Double Ring Ceremony=== | ||
# The performance of a double ring ceremony, where in addition to the chattan giving the kallah a ring, the kallah gives a ring to the chattan as well, should be strongly discouraged, even if the kallah does not say anything.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe EH 3:18) writes that this practice is improper, for two reasons. First, it is a violation of the prohibition against imitating the practices of non-Jews. Secondly, conducting a double ring ceremony could lead to a fundamental misunderstanding of the entire construct of Kiddushin, as people will mistakenly think that the Kiddushin depends upon the transfer of rings from both the chattan to the kallah and the kallah to the chattan. Nevertheless, he concludes that the Kiddushin is still valid if this was done after the chattan already gave the ring and said the “harei at.” [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 7:35 agrees. See however, Rav Osher Weiss (Minchas Asher 1:71, 3:98) who believes that this Kiddushin would be invalid. [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour] writes that if the kallah also wishes to give a ring to the chattan, this should be done after the chuppa, and not as part of the ceremony. Regarding the general halacha when it comes to men wearing wedding bands, see Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/840402/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-men-wearing-wedding-bands/ (Ten Minute Halacha: Men Wearing Wedding Bands]). | # The performance of a double ring ceremony, where in addition to the chattan giving the kallah a ring, the kallah gives a ring to the chattan as well, should be strongly discouraged, even if the kallah does not say anything.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe EH 3:18) writes that this practice is improper, for two reasons. First, it is a violation of the prohibition against imitating the practices of non-Jews. Secondly, conducting a double ring ceremony could lead to a fundamental misunderstanding of the entire construct of Kiddushin, as people will mistakenly think that the Kiddushin depends upon the transfer of rings from both the chattan to the kallah and the kallah to the chattan. Nevertheless, he concludes that the Kiddushin is still valid if this was done after the chattan already gave the ring and said the “harei at.” [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/821631/rabbi-eliyahu-ben-chaim/how-to-perform-a-wedding-ceremony-part-2/2-/ Rav Eliyahu Ben Haim (How to Perform a Wedding Ceremony Part 2/2)] 7:35 agrees. See however, Rav Osher Weiss (Minchas Asher 1:71, 3:98) who believes that this Kiddushin would be invalid. [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/media/Syrian_Sephardic_Wedding_Guide.pdf Rabbi Eli Mansour] writes that if the kallah also wishes to give a ring to the chattan, this should be done after the chuppa, and not as part of the ceremony. Regarding the general halacha when it comes to men wearing wedding bands, see Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/840402/rabbi-aryeh-lebowitz/ten-minute-halacha-men-wearing-wedding-bands/ (Ten Minute Halacha: Men Wearing Wedding Bands]). | ||
