Kiddushin

From Halachipedia

While today's engagement's only correspond to dating in a halachic sense[1], there is a process called Kiddushin which is the halachic act of engagement.[2] Once a woman is halachically engaged (mekudeshet), she may not marry anyone else unless she receives a halachic divorce (get) or if her husband dies.[3] If the husband dies without children, in certain cases, there is a mitzvah of Chalitza prior to remarrying.[4]

How to accomplish Kiddushin

  1. Kiddushin in theory could be accomplished in one of three ways: using money, a written document, or through marital relations.[5] However, accomplishing Kiddushin through marital relations is a deplorable practice and is strictly forbidden.[6]
  2. The minhag is to accomplish Kiddushin with money as opposed to a written document. [7]

Ritual results of Kiddushin

  1. Once a woman is halachically engaged, it is an extremely serious sin to have relations with anyone else.[8] Not only that, there are numerous safeguards some of which are Biblical and some of which are rabbinic which prevent a married woman from becoming too close with another man. These apply equally to a married and halachically engaged woman.[9]

Procedure of Kiddushin

  1. The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.[10]

Edim for Kiddushin

  1. It is proper to specify witnesses for the Kiddushin, however, if a mistake occurred and the witnesses were invalid, the marriage is valid as long as other kosher witnesses were watching.[11]

Sources

  1. ↑ See Mishna Brurah 493:3
  2. ↑ Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Ishut 1:2)
  3. ↑ Mishna Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Gerushin 1:1)
  4. ↑ Rambam (Yibum 1:2)
  5. ↑ Mishna Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Ishut 1:2), S"A 26:4
  6. ↑ The Gemara Kiddushin 12b records Rav's insistence on not accomplishing Kiddushin with martial relations that he would give lashes to anyone who did such. Rashi (s.v. derav) and Rambam (Ishut 3:21) explain that the reason it is deplorable is because it is licentious. S"A EH 26:4 codifies this as halacha.
  7. ↑ Rambam (Ishut 3:21). Rav Schachter in a shiur on yutorah ("Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin", min 4) explained that the reason we do so is because we are registering our compliance with chazal and disagreement with the karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitai Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money as opposed to a written document.
  8. ↑ Vayikra 20:10, Rambam (Ishut 1:3)
  9. ↑ With regards to Yichud, see Avoda Zara 36b. Regarding the numerous other separations between men and women, such as touching, staring inappropriately, speaking together inappropriately, listening to her voice, or even thinking about her inappropriately, see the Appropriate Interaction between Men and Women page.
  10. ↑ S"A EH 31:2
  11. ↑ Nefesh HaRav (p. 261). See Chatom Sofer EH 100, Achiezer EH 27.
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