Kiddushin
From Halachipedia
While today's engagement's only correspond to dating in a halachic sense[1], there is a process called Kiddushin which is the halachic act of engagement.[2] Once a woman is halachically engaged (mekudeshet), she may not marry anyone else unless she receives a halachic divorce (get) or if her husband dies.[3] If the husband dies without children, in certain cases, there is a mitzvah of Chalitza prior to remarrying.[4]
How to accomplish Kiddushin
- Kiddushin in theory could be accomplished in one of three ways: using money, a written document, or through marital relations.[5] However, accomplishing Kiddushin through marital relations is a deplorable practice and is strictly forbidden.[6]
- The minhag is to accomplish Kiddushin with money as opposed to a written document. [7]
Ritual results of Kiddushin
- Once a woman is halachically engaged, it is an extremely serious sin to have relations with anyone else.[8] Not only that, there are numerous safeguards some of which are Biblical and some of which are rabbinic which prevent a married woman from becoming too close with another man. These apply equally to a married and halachically engaged woman.[9]
Procedure of Kiddushin
- The minhag is to do Kiddushin with a ring.[10]
- Some say it is preferable not to do kiddushin at night. [11] During the winter this is usually impractical.[12]
Edim for Kiddushin
- It is proper to specify witnesses for the Kiddushin, however, if a mistake occurred and the witnesses were invalid, the marriage is valid as long as other kosher witnesses were watching.[13]
Procedure of Tenayim
- The old minhag was to write the Tenayim at the time of engagement in order to impose a monetary penalty on the party that backs out from the marriage. However, today it isn't written at all or only written immediately before marriage. [14]
- For those who write tenayim prior to the wedding, here's a text according to Rav Moshe Feinstein and the text of other gedolim: Nitai Gavriel Nesuin v. 1 p. 377.
The Beracha for Kiddushin (Birkat Erusin)
- Before the Chattan gives the Kallah the ring, the Mesader Kiddushin says HaGefen on a cup of wine, then the following Birkat Erusin: ברוך אתה ה' אלקנו מלך העולם אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו על העריות ואסר לנו את הארוסות ותיר לנו את הנשואות לנו על ידי חופה ב\וקידושין ברוך אתה ה' מקדש עמו ישראל על ידי חופה ב\וקידושין"
Sources
- ↑ See Mishna Brurah 493:3
- ↑ Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Ishut 1:2)
- ↑ Mishna Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Gerushin 1:1)
- ↑ Rambam (Yibum 1:2)
- ↑ Mishna Kiddushin 2a, Rambam (Ishut 1:2), Shulchan Aruch 26:4
- ↑ The Gemara Kiddushin 12b records Rav's insistence on not accomplishing Kiddushin with martial relations that he would give lashes to anyone who did such. Rashi (s.v. derav) and Rambam (Ishut 3:21) explain that the reason it is deplorable is because it is licentious. Shulchan Aruch EH 26:4 codifies this as halacha.
- ↑ Rambam (Ishut 3:21). Rav Schachter in a shiur on yutorah ("Hilchos Siddur Kiddushin", min 4) explained that the reason we do so is because we are registering our compliance with chazal and disagreement with the karaites who didn't accept Kiddushin through money. Nitai Gavriel (Nesuin v. 1, p. 24-5) offers kabbalistic reasons for why we do Kiddushin with money as opposed to a written document.
- ↑ Vayikra 20:10, Rambam (Ishut 1:3)
- ↑ With regards to Yichud, see Avoda Zara 36b. Regarding the numerous other separations between men and women, such as touching, staring inappropriately, speaking together inappropriately, listening to her voice, or even thinking about her inappropriately, see the Appropriate Interaction between Men and Women page.
- ↑ Shulchan Aruch EH 31:2
- ↑ Beer Heitev EH 26:4 quoting the Reem and Knesset HaGedola. See also Tosfot Ketubot 2a s.v. LeYom.
- ↑ Rav Schachter Ketubot shiur 54 (min 30-7) said that it is recommended to get married during the day, but during the winter it is impractical and personally his wedding (officiated by Rav Moshe Feinstein) was during the winter and during the night.
- ↑ Nefesh HaRav (p. 261). See Chatom Sofer EH 100, Achiezer EH 27. see also From_The_Rabbi's_Desk_-_Wedding_Questions by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz
- ↑ Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)
