Scheduling a Wedding Date

From Halachipedia

Time of Year

Elul and Aseret Yemei Teshuva

  1. It is permissible to get married during Elul[1] or during the Aseret Yimei Teshuva.[2]

Cheshvan

  1. It is permissible to get married during the month of Cheshvan.[3]

Chanuka

  1. It is permissible to get married on Chanuka.[4]

Purim

  1. It is permissible to get married on Purim.[5]

Chol Hamoed

  1. It is forbidden to get married on Chol Hamoed because one may not intermingle two sources of rejoicing.[6] However, one may get engaged. [7]

Fast Days

  1. There are differing opinions as to whether one may get married on a fast day.[8]

Sefirat Haomer

  1. see Sefirat HaOmer: Getting Married

Three Weeks

  1. see Three Weeks: Weddings

Shabbat or Yom Tov

  1. It is forbidden to get married on Shabbat or Yom Tov.[9]

What Day During the Month

  1. One does not have to be careful to get married at the beginning of the month.[10]

What Day of the Week

  1. Although some say that one should not get married on a Sunday, common practice is to be lenient.[11] However, one should try to avoid getting married on Motzaei Shabbat. [12]
  2. One may get married any other day of the week, although there may be some preference to getting married on a Thursday.[13]

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  1. ↑ Chacham Yitzchak Yosef (Yalkut Yosef Sova Semachot 1:2:1) and Chacham Ovadia Yosef (Shu”t Yechave Daat 1:48) write that there is no reason to prohibit this. Sdei Chemed Maarechet Chatan Vikallah Siman 23 writes that he got married during Elul and many of the gedolim were present.
  2. ↑ Although Mateh Ephraim 602:5 and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 130:4 write that since they are days of judgment one should avoid getting married then, Rav Dovid Tzvi Hoffman (Melamed Lehoil EH Siman 1) argues that the merit of getting married could help gain a favorable judgment. He writes that common practice was to allow weddings during this time, and that he himself got married on the 6th of Tishrei. Shu”t Yechave Daat 1:48 agrees. see also Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date toward the end by Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz where he agrees
    Interestingly, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:1) does add that, if possible, you should try to get married during Bein Hazmanim so as not to disrupt the learning.
  3. ↑ Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:3) writes that although some acharonim (see Shu”t Lev Chaim 2:26) mention that you shouldn’t get married during this month as the name Marcheshvan comes from the word Mar, or bitter, one need not worry about that. Rav Betzalel Stern (Shu”t Bitzel Hachochma 2:60) writes that the name for the month has nothing to do with the word for bitter and, therefore, agrees that we need not be concerned.
  4. ↑ Nitei Gavriel 48:37, HaNisuin Kihlichatam 5:17.
  5. ↑ Shulchan Aruch 696:8, HaNisuin Kihilchatam 5:16. In fact, Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach’s wedding took place on Friday of Purim Meshulash, 5690 (1930) so as not to conflict with the yeshivah learning schedule (Rabbi Hanoch Teller, And from Jerusalem His Word: Stories and Insights of Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt”l pg. 36).
  6. ↑ Moed Kattan 8b says אין מערבין שמחה בשמחה. This is codified in Rambam Hilchot Yom Tov 7:16, Shulchan Aruch OC 546:1 and EH 64:6, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:4).
  7. ↑ Shulchan Aruch OC 546:1, Mishna Brura 546:2, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:4).
  8. ↑ Chacham Ovadia Yabea Omer EH 6:7 writes that you can technically get married even during the day of a fast, but ideally should do it either the night before or the night after. Rav Moshe Feinstein OC 168 says it’s asur to get married during the day of the fast, but one can get married the night before. Tzitz Eliezer 7:49 prohibits even this (see HaNisuin Kehilchatom 5:44-45 for sources on opinions in both directions). Rabbi Yosef Dov Soloveitchik felt that weddings should not be held on fast days (Nefesh HaRav, p. 196).
  9. ↑ Beitza 36b, S”A OC 339:4 and 524:1, and EH 64:5, Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:8) write that one cannot get married on Shabbat or Yom Tov since a wedding involves a legal transaction that cannot be contracted on those days. Additionally it may cause one to write. Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:8). Aruch Hashulchan 26:14 states that if a wedding is performed on those days, it is valid.
  10. ↑ Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:2). Shulchan Aruch YD 179:2 and Rama EH 64:3 mention that the practice was to get married during the first half of the month. Although this isn’t mentioned in the gemara, it is discussed in earlier rishonim (see Shu”t Ramban 283). Shu”t Yehuda Yaaleh 2:24 suggests that the Shulchan Aruch and Rama were not writing that this should be done but were explaining that it is not a problem of nichush (necromancy) to do so. Since you don’t believe that the time of the month you get married actually indicates anything for the future, you are not in violation of nichush. It is merely meant as a siman beracha. Therefore, he concludes that you certainly should not push off your wedding for this, especially if you are over 20 years old. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 166:3 and Chacham Ovadia Yosef (Shu”t Yabea Omer EH 3:10:3) agree. Aruch Hashulchan 64:13 and Rav Moshe Feinstein (Iggerot Moshe EH 1:93) both write that most people today do not follow this practice to get married at the beginning of the month. In fact, Rav Hershel Schachter (Mipninei Harav pg. 271) writes that Rav Moshe Soloveitchik got married on the 26th of Sivan. Incidentally, Rav Schachter himself got married in the second half of the month of Cheshvan.
    • However, Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo 2: pg. 327-328) did advise that people not get married after the twenty-second of the month, and certainly not on the last day of the month, except in the month of Adar, as it is hard to ignore a concern mentioned explicitly in the Shulchan Aruch.
  11. ↑ Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:5). Rambam Hilchot Ishut 10:14 based on Ketubot 5a forbids weddings on Friday or Sunday because this may lead to chilul shabbat. Tosafot (Ketubot 7a d”h Vehilchita) says that in practice there is no concern about Shabbat desecration with regard to a Friday wedding, and Rif, Rosh, and Tur all concur (EH 64; Beit Yosef EH 64). Pitchei Teshuva 64:4 quotes from Shu”t Rama 124 that getting married on a Sunday is a violation of chukat hagoyim. Shulchan Aruch 64:3 quotes that some say that you cannot get married on Friday or Sunday because you may come to chilul Shabbat. However, he adds that there are those who are lenient and that this is the common practice. Yalkut Yosef concludes that you can get married either on a Friday or a Sunday. Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date) agrees that the prevalent custom is to allow getting married on a Sunday.
  12. ↑ Sefer Hamiknah 64:3 says that although we hold that the concern of chilul Shabbat doesn’t apply to Sunday, it does on Motzaei Shabbat. Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot 1:2:6) writes that even though we hold like the second opinion in Shulchan Aruch that it is technically permitted, one should try to avoid getting married on a Motzaei Shabbat. He adds that his father, Chacham Ovadia Yosef, worked hard as chief rabbi of Tel Aviv to stop these weddings.
  13. ↑ Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz (Ten Minute Halacha Scheduling a Wedding Date). The Mishnah (Ketubot 1:1) states that betulot (virgins) should marry on Wednesday, and widows and divorcees should do so on Thursday; the Shulchan Aruch (EH 64:3) rules accordingly. As the gemara explains, betulot were encouraged to wed on Wednesday because batei din (courts) customarily convened on market days, i.e., Monday and Thursday, and a Wednesday wedding allowed sufficient time to prepare for the wedding and the opportunity to appear in court the following morning should there be any complaints. Aruch Hashulchan 64:6 writes that nowadays the types of grievances the Mishnah was referring to are no longer applicable and courts don’t only convene on Mondays and Thursdays. Additionally, the concern of preparing for three days can be resolved by preparing earlier. Therefore one can really get married any day of the week. Pitchei Teshuva 64:6 does quote Pnei Yehoshua that it’s better to get married on a Thursday for the siman beracha mentioned by the gemara Ketubot 5a about a widow.
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