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Yom Kippur: Difference between revisions
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# It's forbidden to be cruel and not forgive but rather in one's heart one should completely forgive him for the offense. Even if it pained it intently one should not take [[revenge]] or harbor a grudge. <ref>Rama 606:1, Yalkut Yosef (Moadim pg 80), Chazon Ovadyah (pg 243), Aruch Hashulchan 606:2. In Shaar ha-Tziyun 606:8 he writes that one who forgives receives forgiveness from Hashem, measure for measure. Mateh Efrayim 606:4 says that one who in unwilling to forgive is potentially preventing his [[prayers]] from reaching the heavens. Rambam Hilchot [[Teshuva]] 2:10 compares one who is unwilling to forgive to the hard-heartened gentiles. </ref> If one forgiving Hashem will forgive his sins, however, if a man is stubborn and doesn't forgive Hashem will act accordingly (Chas VeShalom). <ref>Mishna Brurah 606:8 quoting the gemara [[Rosh Hashana]] 17a </ref> | # It's forbidden to be cruel and not forgive but rather in one's heart one should completely forgive him for the offense. Even if it pained it intently one should not take [[revenge]] or harbor a grudge. <ref>Rama 606:1, Yalkut Yosef (Moadim pg 80), Chazon Ovadyah (pg 243), Aruch Hashulchan 606:2. In Shaar ha-Tziyun 606:8 he writes that one who forgives receives forgiveness from Hashem, measure for measure. Mateh Efrayim 606:4 says that one who in unwilling to forgive is potentially preventing his [[prayers]] from reaching the heavens. Rambam Hilchot [[Teshuva]] 2:10 compares one who is unwilling to forgive to the hard-heartened gentiles. </ref> If one forgiving Hashem will forgive his sins, however, if a man is stubborn and doesn't forgive Hashem will act accordingly (Chas VeShalom). <ref>Mishna Brurah 606:8 quoting the gemara [[Rosh Hashana]] 17a </ref> | ||
# If a person who offended his fellow and asks forgiveness the friend shouldn't reject the appeasement unless it is intended for the benefit of the one who did the offense so that he is humbled and doesn't continue by doing that offense. <ref>Rama 606:1 </ref>Nonetheless, if one is not granted forgiveness for the benefit of the offender one must be sure to remove any hate of the offender from one's heart. <ref>Mishna Brurah 606:9 </ref> | # If a person who offended his fellow and asks forgiveness the friend shouldn't reject the appeasement unless it is intended for the benefit of the one who did the offense so that he is humbled and doesn't continue by doing that offense. <ref>Rama 606:1 </ref>Nonetheless, if one is not granted forgiveness for the benefit of the offender one must be sure to remove any hate of the offender from one's heart. <ref>Mishna Brurah 606:9 </ref> | ||
# If one suspects that the person asking forgiveness from him will just repeat the wrong that he did to him, he isn't obligated to forgive him. <ref> | # If one suspects that the person asking forgiveness from him will just repeat the wrong that he did to him, he isn't obligated to forgive him. <ref> Mishna Brurah 606:10 </ref> | ||
# If a person spread a bad name about someone else it is permitted not to forgive that person, however, it's preferable to be humble and forgive even in such a case <ref> Rama 606:1, Mishna Brurah 606:11. Aruch ha-Shulchan 606:2 writes that if it isn't possible that some of the people who heard the slander will not hear the retraction, then one is obligated to forgive. </ref> except for a Talmid Chacham who should not forgive easily (in such a case) especially when it's done for the benefit of the the offender to change from his ways. <ref>Chazon Ovadyah (pg 243) </ref> | # If a person spread a bad name about someone else it is permitted not to forgive that person, however, it's preferable to be humble and forgive even in such a case <ref> Rama 606:1, Mishna Brurah 606:11. Aruch ha-Shulchan 606:2 writes that if it isn't possible that some of the people who heard the slander will not hear the retraction, then one is obligated to forgive. </ref> except for a Talmid Chacham who should not forgive easily (in such a case) especially when it's done for the benefit of the the offender to change from his ways. <ref>Chazon Ovadyah (pg 243) </ref> | ||
# If one is owed money but the borrower refuses to pay, then the lender doesn't need to forgive him. <ref> Rambam Hilchot [[Teshuvah]] 2:9. </ref> | # If one is owed money but the borrower refuses to pay, then the lender doesn't need to forgive him. <ref> Rambam Hilchot [[Teshuvah]] 2:9. </ref> | ||
# If a person said [[Lashon Hara]] about his fellow and it didn't cause any harm there is no need to ask forgiveness from that person, but still must get forgiveness from Hashem. <ref> Chofetz Chaim Hilchot [[Lashon Hara]] 4:12. </ref> | # If a person said [[Lashon Hara]] about his fellow and it didn't cause any harm there is no need to ask forgiveness from that person, but still must get forgiveness from Hashem. <ref> Chofetz Chaim Hilchot [[Lashon Hara]] 4:12. </ref> | ||
# If a person said [[Lashon Hara]] (evil speech) about his fellow that caused harm and his fellow doesn't know about it some say that one should just ask forgiveness from his fellow in a general way and not spell out that he said [[Lashon Hara]] against him, however, others say that one specify that one did speak [[Lashon Hara]] about him. <ref> Shalmei Moad (pg 56) and Moadim u'Zmanim 1:54 quote Rav Yisrael Salanter who says that if one spoke [[Lashon Hara]] about one's fellow and he doesn't know about it that one should just ask forgiveness in a general way, while the Chafetz Chaim 4:12 argues that one must specify that one spoke [[Lashon Hara]]. This is how he is quoted in the book A Lesson a Day page 28 as well. However, if specifying what the [[Lashon Hara]] was will embarrass the victim, he writes in | # If a person said [[Lashon Hara]] (evil speech) about his fellow that caused harm and his fellow doesn't know about it some say that one should just ask forgiveness from his fellow in a general way and not spell out that he said [[Lashon Hara]] against him, however, others say that one specify that one did speak [[Lashon Hara]] about him. <ref> Shalmei Moad (pg 56) and Moadim u'Zmanim 1:54 quote Rav Yisrael Salanter who says that if one spoke [[Lashon Hara]] about one's fellow and he doesn't know about it that one should just ask forgiveness in a general way, while the Chafetz Chaim 4:12 argues that one must specify that one spoke [[Lashon Hara]]. This is how he is quoted in the book A Lesson a Day page 28 as well. However, if specifying what the [[Lashon Hara]] was will embarrass the victim, he writes in Mishna Brurah 606:3 that the speaker doesn't need to elaborate about what he said. Yalkut Yosef 606:16 rules like Rav Yisrael Salanter </ref> | ||
# Preferably the asking of forgiveness should be done in person unless there is a better chance of having the person accept your grant if done through a messenger. <ref> | # Preferably the asking of forgiveness should be done in person unless there is a better chance of having the person accept your grant if done through a messenger. <ref> Mishna Brurah 606:2 </ref> | ||
# If you are sure that the person that you offended has forgiven you some poskim nevertheless require that you go and humble yourself before them and ask for forgiveness while and other poskim say that you have achieved the desired result and there is no need to go ask specifically. <ref> Devar Yehoshua 5:20 says that's enough while Moadim U'zmanim 1:55 quotes poskim that you still need to ask. see also Pele Yoetz on [[Teshuvah]] and Hirhurei [[Teshuvah]], pg. 123 </ref> | # If you are sure that the person that you offended has forgiven you some poskim nevertheless require that you go and humble yourself before them and ask for forgiveness while and other poskim say that you have achieved the desired result and there is no need to go ask specifically. <ref> Devar Yehoshua 5:20 says that's enough while Moadim U'zmanim 1:55 quotes poskim that you still need to ask. see also Pele Yoetz on [[Teshuvah]] and Hirhurei [[Teshuvah]], pg. 123 </ref> | ||
# If one received forgiveness only outwardly but in his heart the person he offended is still upset some poskim say he hasn't fulfilled his obligation of asking for forgiveness. <ref> Rav Elyashiv quoted in Torat ha'adam li'adam 3:page 36, Alei Shur 2: page 240. On the other hand, Rav Reuven Grozovsky quotes the Alter of Kelm in Sefer hazikaron Even Tzion page 542 that one has fulfilled his obligation. </ref> | # If one received forgiveness only outwardly but in his heart the person he offended is still upset some poskim say he hasn't fulfilled his obligation of asking for forgiveness. <ref> Rav Elyashiv quoted in Torat ha'adam li'adam 3:page 36, Alei Shur 2: page 240. On the other hand, Rav Reuven Grozovsky quotes the Alter of Kelm in Sefer hazikaron Even Tzion page 542 that one has fulfilled his obligation. </ref> | ||
