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Twelve Months: Difference between revisions
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# A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref> | # A rabbi who is within 12 months after shloshim can be a mesader kiddushin. There is a dispute if a rabbi who is within shloshim for another relative if he can be a mesader kiddushin.<ref>Shach 391:5 holds that it is forbidden during shloshim for all relatives and Bach holds it is only forbidden during shloshim for a mourner for a parent but for another relative it is permitted within shloshim. Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 345 was only lenient after shloshim. Badei Hashulchan 391:58 quotes the dispute between the bach and shach and doesn't resolve it.</ref> The mesader kiddushin needs to leave before they start the music.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 391:12, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 348)</ref> | ||
# It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref> | # It is permitted for someone within 12 months for a parent to participate in a Shabbat Chatan for a relative if his participation will enhance the happiness of the couple.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 338)</ref> | ||
# If a wife is in 12 months for a parent and the husband wants to go to a wedding according to some opinions he is allowed to ask his wife to go and she may go. However, many hold that they shouldn't rely on this to have her go to the wedding unless it will lead to Shalom Bayit issues and even then it is better to go and not eat there.<ref>Chazon Ovadia v. 2 p. 367 quotes the Tzitz Eliezer who is lenient and Rav Moshe Feinstein who is lenient only if it will lead to shalom bayit issues. The reason for the leniency is that the 12 month aveilut is based on Kibbud Av to a parent and the respect a wife should give her husband exempts her from Kibbud Av. Rav Ovadia concludes like Rav Moshe and adds that it is proper even in such a case not to eat the food at the wedding.</ref> | |||
==Cutting Hair and Shaving== | ==Cutting Hair and Shaving== | ||
# It is forbidden for a mourner for a parent to cut his hair until after shloshim his peers tell him to that he needs to cut his hair. Yom Tov doesn't cancel this time frame of cutting hair before his peers tell him that he needs to cut his hair.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 399:4, Shulchan Aruch OC 548:9 </ref> | # It is forbidden for a mourner for a parent to cut his hair until after shloshim his peers tell him to that he needs to cut his hair. Yom Tov doesn't cancel this time frame of cutting hair before his peers tell him that he needs to cut his hair.<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 399:4, Shulchan Aruch OC 548:9 </ref> | ||
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==Listening to Music and Dancing== | ==Listening to Music and Dancing== | ||
# It is forbidden for someone mourning a parent to listen to music for 12 months.<ref>Maharam Shik YD 368 writes that going to a place that has music playing or playing music during the 12 months after a parent passes away is forbidden. He learns it from the prohibition to go to a wedding. Aruch Hashulchan 391:12 agrees that listening to music is forbidden based on the prohibition to go to weddings. Badei Hashulchan 391:45, Divrei Sofrim 391:51, and Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2, p. 364) agree. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=741&st=&pgnum=355 Zera Emet YD 2:157] writes that playing music during shiva is certainly forbidden because it brings a person to simcha no less than holding a child ( | # It is forbidden for someone mourning a parent to listen to music for 12 months.<ref>Maharam Shik YD 368 writes that going to a place that has music playing or playing music during the 12 months after a parent passes away is forbidden. He learns it from the prohibition to go to a wedding. Aruch Hashulchan 391:12 agrees that listening to music is forbidden based on the prohibition to go to weddings. Badei Hashulchan 391:45, Divrei Sofrim 391:51, and Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2, p. 364) agree. [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=741&st=&pgnum=355 Zera Emet YD 2:157] writes that playing music during shiva is certainly forbidden because it brings a person to simcha no less than holding a child (Shulchan Aruch 391:1). He discusses if playing music without a meal is forbidden during shloshim for other relatives based on the idea of going to weddings. Nimukei Orach Chaim 697:3 holds that listening to music is forbidden during 12 month for a parent. Rav Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/880536/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/aveilut-shiur-24-going-to-simcha-s/ Aveilut Shiur 24]) questions this approach and suggests that perhaps listing to music is only forbidden in the context of a meal.</ref> | ||
# Some say that it is forbidden to listen to recorded music.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364)</ref> | # Some say that it is forbidden to listen to recorded music.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364)</ref> | ||
# An avel within 12 months shouldn't go to a simchat beit hashoevah if there is dancing or music. If he is the rabbi of the town and if he doesn't go it will be noticeable that he didn't show up it is permitted since it is considered public mourning on chol hamoed.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364). See [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=741&st=&pgnum=355 Zera Emet YD 2:157].</ref> | # An avel within 12 months shouldn't go to a simchat beit hashoevah if there is dancing or music. If he is the rabbi of the town and if he doesn't go it will be noticeable that he didn't show up it is permitted since it is considered public mourning on chol hamoed.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364). See [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=741&st=&pgnum=355 Zera Emet YD 2:157].</ref> | ||
