Three Weeks: Difference between revisions

# It is permitted to become engaged or write tenaim during the Nine Days, and even on [[Tisha BeAv]] itself as long as there is no meal to celebrate or music and dancing.  <ref> S"A 551:2 with Magen Avraham 551:10, and Mishna Berura 551:16 and 19, Tur 551 in the name of Rav Nissim, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 122:1, Pri Megadim Eshel Avraham 551:10, Baer Heitev 551:11, Moed Likol Chai 9:18, Ben Ish Chai Parashat Devarim 1:5, Chayei Adam 133:8, Aruch Hashulchan 551:8, Yalkut Yosef Moadim page 553 </ref> Until [[Rosh Chodesh]], one is allowed to celebrate the engagement with a festive meal. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:19 </ref>  

# According to Ashkenazim it’s forbidden to cut one’s hair for the entire three weeks, however, according to Sephardim one can cut hair until the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. <Ref> The Gemara in Taanit 26b says that one shouldn’t cut one’s hair the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. This Gemara is brought as Halacha by the Rambam (Taaniot 5:6). The Ramban (Torat HaAdam (Aveilut Yishana pg 346) explains that this prohibition applies to all hair on the body except the mustache if it interferes with eating. The Tur and S”A 551:3,12-13 rule like the Ramban that during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] one is forbidden to cut any hair on one’s body except if there’s facial hair interfering with eating. Chazon Ovadyah (Arba Taniyot pg 158) and Ben Ish Chai Devarim 12 write that this is Sephardic custom. However, Darkei Moshe 551:5 and Rama 551:4 rules that Ashkenazim should be strict not to cut hair all three weeks like the Sefer Minhagim (pg 74). Levush 3, Chayei Adam 133:8, Mishna Berura 551:82, Aruch Hashulchan 551:31, Kitzur S"A 122:3. Aruch Hashulchan 551:16 says the reason for this is that if we were allowed to get haircuts until [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av it would not be clear that we grew our hair for mourning, therefore we stop cutting it for the entire three weeks. </ref> One should wait until after chatzot on the tenth of Av to get a haircut. <ref> Aruch Hashulchan 551:16. </ref>  

# Some poskim allow a child under the age of six to get a haircut. <ref> Iggerot Moshe YD 1:224 and Aruch Hashulchan 551:31. Mishna Berura 551:81 and Shaar Hatziyun 551:91 as well as the Chayei Adam 133:18 conclude that children even below 6 should not get haircuts and bring two reasons from the Terumat Hadeshen 142. One being chinuch, in which case it would only apply to older than six and the other being "agmat nefesh," meaning it makes people feel more pain to see children mourning, in which case it would apply to even children under 6. Chanoch lanaar 21:2:1, Nitei Gavriel 20:7, Rivevot Ephraim 1:336:2, 2:155:19  say that if an upsherin falls out during the three weeks one should either push it up or postpone it. Torat Yekutiel 1:47 is lenient. </ref>

# It is permitted to comb and style one's hair during the Three Weeks and Nine Days and one doesn't have to worry that one will pull out hairs. <ref> Eliya Rabba 551:7, Shaare Teshuva 551:12, Mishna Berura 551:20, Aruch Hashulchan 551:15, Sh"t Yechave Daat 6:35, Ben Ish Chai Devarim 14, Kaf Hachayim 551:46.  </ref>

# Since nowadays we don’t make a [[Shehecheyanu]] on buying new clothes but only for wearing new clothes, some permit buying new clothes and some forbid. <Ref> Halichot Shlomo pg 411 brings from the Talmidim of Rav Shlomo Zalman Aurbach that it’s permissible to buy new clothes since nowadays we don’t make a Bracha on buying clothes. This is the ruling of Mishna Berura 441:45 and Kaf Hachayim 551:88, see Nechamet Yisrael pg 40 </ref>

# The Ashkenazic and Sephardic custom is to refrain from meat, poultry, and wine during the nine days. Ashkenazim include [[Rosh Chodesh]] in this prohibition, while Sephardim are lenient regarding the day of [[Rosh Chodesh]] itself and some Sephardim are strict. <Ref> The gemara Baba Batra 60b quotes the opinion of Rabbi Yishmael Ben Elisha that after the destruction of the Beit HaMikdash, it would have been appropriate for the rabbis to ban eating meat and drinking wine in order to properly mourn. However, since most of the congregation would not be able to abide by this, the rabbis never made it. Biur HaGra OC 551:9 writes that this is the source for refraining from eating meat and drinking wine prior to [[Tisha BeAv]], that although it is impossible to ban eating meat and drinking wine throughout the year, it is possible to refrain from meat and wine for a short period of time. The Mishna in Taanit 26b the Gemara 30a discuss the prohibition of eating meat during the seudat hamafseket prior to [[Tisha BeAv]]. Rambam Hilchot Taaniot 5:6 says that the custom is to extend the prohibition beyond that meal. He says that some don't eat meat during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]], and some don't eat from rosh chodesh av and onward. S"A 551:9 writes that there are three customs about not eating meat and drinking wine; some refrain only for the week on [[Tisha BeAv]], some refrain for the nine days (from [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av), some refrain for the whole three weeks. Mishna Brurah 551:58 writes that the Ashkenazic custom is not to eat meat or drink wine for the nine days including [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av but excluding Shabbat (Mishna Berura 551:59). This is also written in the [http://www.torah.org/advanced/weekly-halacha/5762/devarim.html Weekly Halacha by Rabbi Neustadt]. Sh"t Yachava Daat 1:41, Moed Likol Chai 9:15, [http://www.doresh-tzion.co.il/QAShowAnswer.aspx?qaid=97492 Rav Bentzion Mussafi], and Kaf Hachayim 551:125 write that the Sephardic custom is to refrain from eating meat and wine during the nine days, however, on [[Rosh Chodesh]] the minhag is to be lenient, however, some are strict. See also Chazon Ovadyah (Arba Taniyot pg 169), [http://www.dailyhalacha.com/displayRead.asp?readID=2184 Rabbi Mansour on dailyhalacha.com], and Halachot and History of The Three Weeks (by Rabbi Shlomo Churba, pg 37) who all write that the Sephardic custom is not to eat meat, poultry or wine in the nine days. </ref>

# One who needs to eat meat for health reasons such as a child, pregnant woman, nursing woman, or an elderly or sick person is permitted to eat meat, but if he can eat chicken that is preferable. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:64. Yechave Daat 1:41 adds that if they do, they are not required to make a hatarat nedarim. </ref>

#It is preferable not to even feed children meat during the nine days, but if you do you may have on who to rely. <ref>Magen Avraham 551:31 says you can give children meat even during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] because we never had the minhag for kids to mourn. However, he adds that this is only true for a child below the age of chinuch, meaning a child who doesn't understand what we mourn. Mishna Berura 551:70 and Shaar Hatziyun 551:76 say that although there is no requirement for the child to mourn for the beit hamikdash, the prohibition of feeding children prohibited items discussed in SA OC 343 extends to things that are only prohibited by custom and therefore one shouldn't feed meat to his kids unless for health reasons and the reason the Rama permitted [[Havdalah]] wine for children was for a mitzva. Iggerot Moshe 4:21:4 says even to feed the children meat on Friday afternoon before shabbat would not be allowed unless they usually eat their Friday night meal at that hour. Based on the Magen Avraham 551:31, Rabbi David Yosef in torat hamoadim Siman 5 page 190 says there is ample room to be lenient in this case. Aruch Hashulchan 551:26 as well says there is room to be lenient, especially in a case where it is a weak child who can gain a lot from eating the meat. </ref>

# One is permitted to eat food that was cooked in meat pots, as long as not meat was cooked with it, and one cannot taste the taste of the meat in his food. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:63, Kaf Hachayim 551:142, Orchot Chaim 31. Shaar Hatziyun 551:68 writes that even if a small piece of meat that will not be tasted fell into a dish, it may still be eaten. </ref>

# Since the minhag is not to drink wine, a question arises as to what we should do with [[Havdalah]]. For sephardim one is permitted to use wine and drink it as usual <ref> S"A 551:10. Yalkut Yosef page 574 adds that one may drink the entire cup. </ref> while for Ashkenazim there are several possibilities. <ref> The Aruch HaShulchan 551:26 says some people have the Minhag to drink beer or another drink that qualifies as Chamar Medina. The Eshel Avraham 551 and the Chazon Ish (quoted in Imrei Yosher, pg. 4) says that those who say [[Havdalah]] every week over wine or grape juice should do the same during the Nine Days as well. Rav Moshe Harari in his Mikraei Kodesh 1:14 say it is preferable to use grape juice as this doesn't cause any joy, and Rav Moshe Karp in Hilchot UMinhagei Bein HaMetsarim chapter 4 note 74 says that in this situation an adult can drink it lechatchila. Rama 551:10 says to preferably give it to a child. Mishna Berura 551:70 says that it should be a minor above the age of chinuch but doesn't fully comprehend the concept of mourning the destruction of the beit hamikdash. Rav Moshe Feinstein quoted in Moadei Yeshurun page 154 says the adults should drink the [[Havdalah]] wine. Darkei Moshe 551:9 says in the name of the Maharil that this can be done lechatchila. See piskei teshuvot 551:35 and Hilchot UMinhagei Ben HaMetsarim chapter 4 note 74 for more poskim who say this. </ref>   

# Even somebody who normally uses a cup of wine for [[Birkat HaMazon]], should not during the nine days except for on Shabbat. <ref> Rama 551:10 with Mishna Berura 551:69, Kaf Hachayim 551:152.  </ref>

# One shouldn't do laundry even if he doesn't plan on wearing the clothes until afterwards, as this distracts him from his mourning. He also should not give it to a non-Jew to do for him. <ref> S"A and Rama 551:3 and Mishna Berura 551:34. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/746977/Rabbi_Aryeh_Lebowitz/Ten_Minute_Halacha_-_Laundry_During_the_Nine_Days Rabbi Aryeh Lebowitz] at about 9:45 also says allowing a non-jewish housekeeper to do you laundry is prohibited even though this doesn't really distract you from mourning. </ref>

# A jewish laundromat that would have no money otherwise may wash non-Jews' clothing during this time. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:43 </ref>  

# Even according to those who prohibit cutting nails during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] permit cutting nails on the friday preceding [[Tisha BeAv]], if [[Tisha BeAv]] falls on shabbat. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:20 </ref> According to some Poskim only one who cuts his nails every Friday for shabbat may cut his nails on the friday preceding [[Tisha BeAv]]. <ref> Eliya Rabbah 551, Yad Efraim 551, Kaf Hachaim 551:48, Piskei Teshuvot 551:19 </ref>

# A women going to the mikveh may cut her nails. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:20 </ref>  

# One is permitted to build, renovate, or paint for a mitzva like building a shul or yeshiva. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:12, Kaf Hachayim 551:25 . Aruch Hashulchan 551:7 says anything for the public is considered for a mitzva and is permissible. </ref>  

# If there is a danger such as that a wall may collapse one is allowed to rebuild it even if this causes joy. <ref> Mishna Berura 551:13 </ref>

# During the three weeks a Rabbi should be careful not to hit his students <ref> Shulchan Aruch 551:18, Shulchan Shlomo 18, Chayei Adom 133:8. Mishna Berura 551:103, Baer Heitev 551:41, Taz, Levush, Eshel Avraham Butchatch 551:18, Chayei Adam 133:8 and Aruch Hashulchan 551:39 add that this includes hitting with a strap. Kaf Hachayim 551:232 says that one should refrain even from the slightest hit. </ref> and a parent should not hit his child. <ref> Kitzur S”A 122:2, Kaf Hachayim 551:230, Orchos Rabbeinu 2: page 129:14 </ref>

# If a Jew has to have a lawsuit with a non-Jew, he should evade having it with him in Av, as this is a time of ill fortune for a Jew. <ref> S"A 551:1, Taanit 29b. Mishna Berura 551:2 based on the Magen Avraham 551:2 says that this applies throughout the month of av until rosh chodesh elul, but at the minimum until [[Tisha BeAv]]. This is the ruling of the Chayei Adam 133:9, Kitzur S"A 122:7. Ben Ish Chai Devarim Halacha 1 says one should preferably wait until the fifteenth of av but really one has to wait until the tenth. </ref>

# Although some have the custom to fast during every day between the seventeenth of tammuz until the ninth of av, this should not be kept by a teacher of torah or somebody who is learning. <ref> Tur 551 and S”A 551:16 as well as the Chayei Adam 133:8 raise this minhag, but Birkei Yosef 551:7, Shaare Teshuva on S”A 551:16, Kaf Hachayim 551:191 and Mishna Berura 90 say that this should not be done by a talmid chacham because he will not be able to focus on learning. </ref>