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The Night of the Wedding: Difference between revisions
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* The Badei Hashulchan 193:20 cites the Cheker Halacha who says that if they didn't have a complete biyah she needs to do a bedika in order to be tahora. However, in the Biurim s.v. velo, he adds that it sounds like the other poskim that don't mention this requirement disagree with the Cheker Halacha.</ref> | * The Badei Hashulchan 193:20 cites the Cheker Halacha who says that if they didn't have a complete biyah she needs to do a bedika in order to be tahora. However, in the Biurim s.v. velo, he adds that it sounds like the other poskim that don't mention this requirement disagree with the Cheker Halacha.</ref> | ||
# If they are both unsure if they had a complete biyah and they didn't find blood if she didn't feel pain she is tahora. A rabbi should be consulted. <ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:19 advances several reasons why one could be lenient if they didn't find blood, she didn't feel pain, and they don't know if there was a complete biyah. Firstly, if there was no blood it isn't likely that the hymen broke. Secondly, if there was no pain it is likely that the hymen didn't break. Lastly, the entire tumah of dam betulim is rabbinic and in a case of doubt we can apply the rule of safek derabbanan lkula. He adds that even those who are strict wouldn't be strict if they're not even sure if they had haarah.</ref> | # If they are both unsure if they had a complete biyah and they didn't find blood if she didn't feel pain she is tahora. A rabbi should be consulted. <ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:19 advances several reasons why one could be lenient if they didn't find blood, she didn't feel pain, and they don't know if there was a complete biyah. Firstly, if there was no blood it isn't likely that the hymen broke. Secondly, if there was no pain it is likely that the hymen didn't break. Lastly, the entire tumah of dam betulim is rabbinic and in a case of doubt we can apply the rule of safek derabbanan lkula. He adds that even those who are strict wouldn't be strict if they're not even sure if they had haarah.</ref> | ||
# | # It is forbidden for the couple to delay a few days after the wedding to have their first biyah.<ref>Shach 192:11 writes that there once was a minhag to delay two or three days after the wedding to have their first biyah. Shach writes that this is a foolish practice and forbidden for several reasons. The Machasit Hashekel 192:11 explains that among the reasons why it is improper is that he might come to inappropriate thoughts and this might cause bitul zera. Contemporary poskim concur with Shach that this practice is forbidden, including: Rav Wosner (Shiurei Shevet Halevi to Shach 192:11), Rav Yechezkel Roth (Chezkat Tahara 192:27), Torat Hatahara 193:12, and Nitai Gavriel (Niddah v. 1 p. 112 6:9). Otzar Hilchot Niddah p. 153 writes that the achronim agreed with Shach. He quotes Sidrei Tahara 192:12 and Aruch Hashulchan 192:17 who write that this is the practice of the yetzer hara. Also, Chachmat Adam 115:9 and Shaarei Tohar 13:3 echo this sentiment.</ref> | ||
#If a couple had pre-marital sex (which is completely forbidden) there's no dam betulim.<ref>Batim Lbadim v. 1 p. 632 18:31</ref> | #If a couple had pre-marital sex (which is completely forbidden) there's no dam betulim.<ref>Batim Lbadim v. 1 p. 632 18:31</ref> | ||
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==After the First Biyah== | ==After the First Biyah== | ||
# After the first biyah she is tameh as a regular niddah with all of the regular restrictions and need for a hefsek tahara, bedikot, and tevilah.<ref>Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 5a), Rosh (Niddah 10:2), Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:8), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 193:1</ref> There are only two minor leniencies: | # After the first biyah she is tameh as a regular niddah with all of the regular restrictions and need for a hefsek tahara, bedikot, and tevilah.<ref>Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 5a), Rosh (Niddah 10:2), Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:8), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 193:1</ref> There are only two minor leniencies: | ||
# One, if she doesn’t see her regular period afterwards she can begin her shiva nekiyim 4 days after the biyah and not 5 according to Ashkenazim who usually wait 5.<ref>Taz 193:4 quoting the Maharal</ref> However, if she saw her regular period after she became tameh of dam betulim then she needs to count 5 days from the biyah (and doesn't need to restart the count of 5 days from when her period began). For example, if a couple gets married on Sunday night and she becomes tameh because of dam betulim and then on Tuesday or Wednesday she has her period she needs to wait until Friday afternoon before she can do her hefsek tahara.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 193:27</ref> | ## One, if she doesn’t see her regular period afterwards she can begin her shiva nekiyim 4 days after the biyah and not 5 according to Ashkenazim who usually wait 5.<ref>Taz 193:4 quoting the Maharal</ref> However, if she saw her regular period after she became tameh of dam betulim then she needs to count 5 days from the biyah (and doesn't need to restart the count of 5 days from when her period began). For example, if a couple gets married on Sunday night and she becomes tameh because of dam betulim and then on Tuesday or Wednesday she has her period she needs to wait until Friday afternoon before she can do her hefsek tahara.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 193:27</ref> | ||
# Two, one of the regular harchakot is that the man may not sit on the woman’s bed even when she is not around. For a woman after the first biyah as long as she didn’t have her regular period the man can sit on her bed when she isn’t around.<ref>Rosh Niddah 10:2 citing the Raavad in explaining Rav Hai Goan, Shulchan Aruch 193:1. See, however, Shivat Tzion 69 who disagrees with Raavad in explaining Rav Hai Goan.</ref> | ## Two, one of the regular harchakot is that the man may not sit on the woman’s bed even when she is not around. For a woman after the first biyah as long as she didn’t have her regular period the man can sit on her bed when she isn’t around.<ref>Rosh Niddah 10:2 citing the Raavad in explaining Rav Hai Goan, Shulchan Aruch 193:1. See, however, Shivat Tzion 69 who disagrees with Raavad in explaining Rav Hai Goan.</ref> | ||
# The practice of taking a honeymoon immediately after the wedding isn't a proper practice because immediately after the wedding the woman is a niddah and it'll be hard to keep all of the laws of niddah. Additionally, during the niddah days it is forbidden to take a romantic trip with your wife.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:31</ref> | # The practice of taking a honeymoon immediately after the wedding isn't a proper practice because immediately after the wedding the woman is a niddah and it'll be hard to keep all of the laws of niddah. Additionally, during the niddah days it is forbidden to take a romantic trip with your wife.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:31</ref> | ||
#Dam besulim is not considered for calculations of veset.<Ref>Laws of Niddah v. 2 p. 474</ref> | |||
==Surgical Removal of Hymen== | ==Surgical Removal of Hymen== | ||
# If a doctor surgically removed the hymen, according to some poskim she is tameh and needs shiva nekiyim, while others are lenient that she is tahora. A rabbi should be consulted.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:2 citing Minchat Yitzchak 4:58 is strict while Igrot Moshe YD 87 is lenient. Badei Hashulchan sides with the Minchat Yitzchak. Mishmeret Hatahara 193:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 1 p. 519 are lenient. </ref> | # If a doctor surgically removed the hymen, according to some poskim she is tameh and needs shiva nekiyim, while others are lenient that she is tahora. A rabbi should be consulted.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 193:2 citing Minchat Yitzchak 4:58 is strict while Igrot Moshe YD 87 is lenient. Badei Hashulchan sides with the Minchat Yitzchak. Mishmeret Hatahara 193:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 1 p. 519 are lenient. </ref> | ||
