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Revenge and Bearing a Grudge (Lo Tikom veLo Titor): Difference between revisions
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## Hitting someone back out of self-defense is permitted.<ref>Maharam Rotenberg (Sefer Sinai Vlikutim no. 140, 1130), Mordechai Bava Kama no. 195-6, Rosh Bava Kama 3:13, Shulchan Aruch CM 421:13, Chavot Yair (responsa no. 65), Maharshal Bava Kama 3:26</ref> Similarly, responding to an insult out of self-defense is also permitted.<ref>Sefer Hachinuch</ref> | ## Hitting someone back out of self-defense is permitted.<ref>Maharam Rotenberg (Sefer Sinai Vlikutim no. 140, 1130), Mordechai Bava Kama no. 195-6, Rosh Bava Kama 3:13, Shulchan Aruch CM 421:13, Chavot Yair (responsa no. 65), Maharshal Bava Kama 3:26</ref> Similarly, responding to an insult out of self-defense is also permitted.<ref>Sefer Hachinuch</ref> | ||
# Most rishonim hold that the prohibition is only violated for monetary matters such as not returning a favor that has some monetary value. However some rishonim hold that a verbal or emotional assault out of vengeance isn't the actual prohibition of revenge. The halacha is that we are strict that all types of revenge are forbidden.<ref>The Gemara Yoma 23a clearly states that the prohibition of revenge only applies to monetary matters such as not returning a favor but not to insults or emotional pain. The Rambam Deot 7:7, Smag no. 12, and Yereyim (no. 41) agree. However, the Sefer Hachinuch no. 241 implies that it applies Biblically to all matters, financially, verbally, and emotionally. The Minchat Chinuch 241:1 points out this dispute and questions the Sefer Hachinuch from the gemara. Chafetz Chaim (Peticha Lavin no. 8) writes that even though the majority of rishonim hold that revenge only applies to monetary matters we are strict for the Sefer Hachinuch since it is a Biblical matter. He also quotes the Yereyim who applies to any monetary matter whether it is a utensil or another monetary favor.</ref> | # Most rishonim hold that the prohibition is only violated for monetary matters such as not returning a favor that has some monetary value. However some rishonim hold that a verbal or emotional assault out of vengeance isn't the actual prohibition of revenge. The halacha is that we are strict that all types of revenge are forbidden.<ref>The Gemara Yoma 23a clearly states that the prohibition of revenge only applies to monetary matters such as not returning a favor but not to insults or emotional pain. The Rambam Deot 7:7, Smag no. 12, and Yereyim (no. 41) agree. However, the Sefer Hachinuch no. 241 implies that it applies Biblically to all matters, financially, verbally, and emotionally. The Minchat Chinuch 241:1 points out this dispute and questions the Sefer Hachinuch from the gemara. Chafetz Chaim (Peticha Lavin no. 8) writes that even though the majority of rishonim hold that revenge only applies to monetary matters we are strict for the Sefer Hachinuch since it is a Biblical matter. He also quotes the Yereyim who applies to any monetary matter whether it is a utensil or another monetary favor.</ref> | ||
# It isn't considered revenge not to go a person's wedding because they didn't come to yours if your decision is based on a calculation that one isn't such a close friend that you feel you need to go to the wedding.<ref>Hanekama Vehanechama pp. 28-9 writes that a person doesn't need to go to every wedding. Often a person can tell whether a person is a close friend or not if they came to one's wedding. If so, it is reasonable to use that as a factor to determine whether one should go to their wedding. That calculation isn't considered taking revenge it is being rational as long as one's decision isn't coming from a feeling of vengeance.</ref> | |||
==Bearing a Grudge== | ==Bearing a Grudge== | ||
