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Shiva: Difference between revisions
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==For Whom Does One Sit "Shiva"== | ==For Whom Does One Sit "Shiva"== | ||
# There are seven relatives for whom one is obligated to mourn: one's (1) father, (2) mother, (3) son, (4) daughter, (5) sister, (6) brother, and (7) spouse.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4. The Rambam in Hilchos Avel 2:1 considers the obligation of mourning for a spouse to be Midivreihem, which most (cf. Lechem Mishnah there) assume to mean that it is derabanan (although this is not the understanding of the Kesef Mishnah there). Ramban, however, in Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) page 213 believes that it must be deoraisa. Additionally, Ramban writes (to Vayikra 21:3) that mourning for one's married sister, or a married sister mourning for her brother, is only derabanan.</ref> | # There are seven relatives for whom one is obligated to mourn: one's (1) father, (2) mother, (3) son, (4) daughter, (5) sister, (6) brother, and (7) spouse.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4. The Rambam in Hilchos Avel 2:1 considers the obligation of mourning for a spouse to be Midivreihem, which most (cf. Lechem Mishnah there) assume to mean that it is derabanan (although this is not the understanding of the Kesef Mishnah there). Ramban, however, in Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) page 213 believes that it must be deoraisa. Additionally, Ramban writes (to Vayikra 21:3) that mourning for one's married sister, or a married sister mourning for her brother, is only derabanan.</ref> One who is not biologically related to the deceased 'relative' is not obligated to mourn for them.<ref>Thus, an adopted child, strictly speaking, does not need to mourn for his/her parents. However, some have the practice to do so anyway out of respect and gratitude for their adopted parents. Pischei Teshuvah 374:3 writes that one should mourn for his/her step-parent.</ref> | ||
# A ger (convert) is not obligated to mourn for his relatives.<ref>Rama 391:1, against the opinion of the Mordechai in Maseches Semachos</ref> | |||
# The Rabbis decreed that one whose immediate relative (i.e. one of the seven described above) is in mourning should also act as if he himself is in mourning, as long as he is in the presence of his mourning relative.<ref>Gemara Moed Kattan 20b, Shulchan Aruch 376:6. See Tosfos there regarding one's spouse's relative</ref> Today, however, some believe that this rule is no longer in effect.<ref>Hagahos Maimoni Avel 2:2 writes that the mourners can forgo this right to have their relatives mourn with them, and so the Rama in 376:6 writes that it is assumed that today everyone relinquishes this right.</ref> | |||
# Generally speaking, one does not mourn for a deceased person who has rebelled against Judaism,<ref>Sanhedrin 47a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 304:5 and Shach 304:8 (applying the Rosh and Mordechai Moed Kattan 886) that even one who sinned only for pleasure, but repeatedly, is also excluded from being mourned), </ref> or one who committed suicide,<ref>Maseches Semachos 2:1, Shluchan Aruch Y.D. 345:1, against the opinion of Ramban in Toras HaAdam pg. 83</ref> although every case is unique and must be determined by a qualified posek.<ref>cf. Chasam Sofer Sh"T Y.D. 326, Ritva Avodah Zarah 18a, Birkei Yosef Y.D. 341:2, Kol Bo Aveilus 1:4:3:39, Yabia Omer vol. 2, no. 24 miluim 15</ref> | |||
==Comforting the mourner== | ==Comforting the mourner== | ||
