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Shiva: Difference between revisions
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One whose relative has passed away has an obligation<ref></ref> to engage in several practices of mourning. The week of mourning, which begins (under normal circumstances) from the time of burial and continues for seven days, is colloquially referred to as "shiva" and is associated with several laws and customs. | |||
==Comforting the mourner== | ==Comforting the mourner== | ||
# It is a great Mitzvah to comfort a mourner. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:1 </ref> | # It is a great Mitzvah for others to comfort a mourner (or "avel," person in mourning). <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:1. As it says in Koheles 7:2, it is better to attend a mourner's house than a party. According to the Rambam in Hilchos Avel 14:1, this mitzvah is derabanan, although Rabbeinu Yonah to the beginning of the third chapter of Brachos indicates that one fulfills a mitzvah deoraisa by comforting a mourner</ref> It is crucial to remember that the reason for one's visit to the house of mourning is to comfort the mourner(s), and so one must be considerate to their wishes.<ref>Cf. Sefer Ahavas Chessed 3:6 and Sh"T Teshuvos V'Hanhagos 3:378</ref> | ||
# | # Those coming to comfort the avel should not initiate conversation but should respond when the mourner begins to speak. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:1 </ref> | ||
# A mourner does not have to stand up for guests even | # A mourner does not have to stand up for his/her guests, even if the guest is a Talmid Chacham or person of high stature.<ref>Moed Kattan 27b, Rama Yoreh Deah 376:1.</ref> However, if the mourner did stand, one need not tell him to sit, and doing so is considered a bad omen.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:2</ref> Some require the avel to stand for a Sefer Torah.<ref>Sh"T Rivevos Efraim 7:230 quotes Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach is quoted as saying that even a mourner must stand for a sefer Torah if it passes by, although the Rivevos Efraim himself appears to be uncertain.</ref> | ||
# One should not say “What could you have done? You can’t change what Hashem decreed.” since this implies that if one were able to change what Hashem decreed, one would have, which is blasphemous. Rather one should accept Hashem’s decrees.<ref>Gemara Bava Kama 38a, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:4</ref> | # One should not say “What could you have done? You can’t change what Hashem decreed.” since this implies that if one were able to change what Hashem decreed, one would have, which is blasphemous. Rather one should accept Hashem’s decrees.<ref>Gemara Bava Kama 38a, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:4</ref> | ||
==Tefillin for a Mourner== | ==Tefillin for a Mourner== | ||
# On the first day of Shiva, if the burial is was on the same day as the passing, an Avel may not wear Tefillin, as the first day is most bitter.<ref> | # On the first day of Shiva, if the burial is was on the same day as the passing, an Avel may not wear Tefillin, as the first day is most bitter.<ref> | ||
