Shadchanut: Difference between revisions
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==Background== | ==Background== | ||
# Making a shidduch is included in the mitzvah of imitating Hashem, as He made the first shidduch between Adam and Chava<ref>Devarim 13:5 and Sotah 14A. [ | # Making a shidduch is included in the mitzvah of imitating Hashem, as He made the first shidduch between Adam and Chava<ref>Devarim 13:5 and Sotah 14A. see [https://www.ou.org/torah/halacha/practical-halacha/paying-shadchan-part-1/ Paying Shadchan Part 1] by Rabbi Avi Zakutinsky</ref> | ||
# Many of these halachot may depend on the minhag. As such, of course it is important to consult one’s local rabbi. | # Many of these halachot may depend on the minhag. As such, of course it is important to consult one’s local rabbi. | ||
# There is an obligation to pay a shadchan for arranging a shidduch<ref> | # There is an obligation to pay a shadchan for arranging a shidduch<ref>Rama Choshen Mishpat 185:10. See Sefer Hanisuin K’Hilchosa chapter 4 that many poskim say that paying a shadchan is a segulah for shalom bayis and having children. See Teshuvos V’Hanhagos 1:736 quotes that there is a custom in many sefardic communities not to pay the shadchan </ref> whether the shadchan was hired or volunteered.<ref>Biur HaGra Choshen Mishpat 185:13. There may be a violation of the mitzvah of bal talin if you fail to pay the shadchan on time if you hired the shadchan, as opposed to if the shadchan volunteered. </ref> One must pay a shadchan, even if it is a member of the family<ref>Pischei Teshuva Even HaEzer 50:16</ref> | ||
# If the shadchan does not want to receive payment, there is no obligation to pay<ref>Pischei Teshuva Even HaEzer 50:17</ref> | # If the shadchan does not want to receive payment, there is no obligation to pay<ref>Pischei Teshuva Even HaEzer 50:17</ref> | ||
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==When Should this be Paid?== | ==When Should this be Paid?== | ||
# There are various customs at what point to pay the shadchan, some pay immediately after the engagement, while the others pay closer to the wedding.<ref>See Aruch Hashulchan 50:42 where he says that if one paid early and the shidduch is broken, the shadchan does not have to return the money, unless there was critical information withheld. Even Hezer 50:42. Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, Koveitz Teshuvos 1:207, says that if there is no minhag then one can wait until the wedding. Shut Halichos Yisroel 4 says that if you approached the shadchan, then you must pay immediately upon engagement.</ref> We follow the custom of each place with regards to when and how much to pay the shadchan.< | # There are various customs at what point to pay the shadchan, some pay immediately after the engagement, while the others pay closer to the wedding.<ref>See Aruch Hashulchan 50:42 where he says that if one paid early and the shidduch is broken, the shadchan does not have to return the money, unless there was critical information withheld. Even Hezer 50:42. Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashiv, Koveitz Teshuvos 1:207, says that if there is no minhag then one can wait until the wedding. Shut Halichos Yisroel 4 says that if you approached the shadchan, then you must pay immediately upon engagement.</ref> We follow the custom of each place with regards to when and how much to pay the shadchan.<ref>Rama Choshen Mishpat 185:10 and 335:1</ref> | ||
==Links== | ==Links== | ||
