Perfecting one's Middot: Difference between revisions

# The good and straight path, is to accustom oneself to follow the middle path when it comes to character traits. For example, a person shouldn't be too stingy or too generous in giving away of his money, rather one should give according to one's ability. <ref>Kitzur S"A 29:2, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot volume 1: page 7</ref>

# Similarly, a person shouldn't desire physical items other than what a person needs to live. Nor should a person work too much in his business rather one should work to have enough funds for his worldly needs. <ref>Kitzur S"A 29:2</ref>

# However, arrogance is a very bad character trait and should be avoided altogether. One should accustom oneself to have a humble spirit. Additionally, [[anger]] is a vey bad character trait and one should stay far away from it. Thus, one should accustom oneself to refrain from [[anger]] even over something which is deserving of getting angry. <ref>Kitzur S"A 29:3</ref>

# A person should attempt to engage in being quiet except for speaking words of divrei torah or something that's necessary for his worldly needs. Even for one's worldly needs one shouldn't speak excessively. <ref>Kitzur S"A 29:5</ref>

# A person shouldn't laugh excessively [in empty matters], nor be sad; rather, one should be happy all one's days, with a good expression on one's face. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:2 </ref>.

# Jealousy, Desire, and Pursuit of Honor remove a person from the world <ref> Pirkei Avot 4:21 </ref>. Nonetheless, one shouldn't separate from them excessively, saying "I won't eat meat, drink wine, marry a wife, live in a nice house, or wear nice clothing; instead, I will wear a sack [of [[mourning]]]". This is also an evil path, and one is forbidden to walk on it. One is called a sinner if one does; even a Nazir is called a sinner for refraining from wine. The Torah has already forbidden enough, that we should add on more prohibitions. One shouldn't add on fasts unnecessarily. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:6. However, a Rebbe said at a Sichas Mussar: modern society often confuses what actually is a necessity, and what actually is a luxury </ref>.

# One should be content with one's lot <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:6 </ref>.

# One should be as bold as a lion, light as an eagle, as fast as a deer and as strong as a lion, to do the will of your Father in heaven <ref> Pirkei Avos 5:23 </ref>. Thus, one shouldn't be embarrassed from people who scoff at him in his Divine Service. Nevertheless, one shouldn't likewise respond brazenly to them, so that one doesn't acquire the character trait of brazenness / עזות פנים <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:8 </ref>.

# Argument is very bad <ref>  Kitzur S"A 29:9 </ref>. One shouldn't cause argument, even for a Mitzvah matter <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:9 </ref>.

How should one accustom onesself to humility? One should always speak gently, and have a bent comportment with a head looking down, with one's heart above. One should always view a person as more important than oneself. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:3. For example:

# For example, if one sees a rich person, when one sees his wealth, one must think that Hashem gave him wealth because he is fit for it [and able to dispense it well to [[charity]]]. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:3</ref>.

# If the other person is smaller than oneself in wisdom or wealth, one should view him as more righteous, because if he sins, he is considered Shogeig or forced, and if you sin, it is considered Intentional / Meizid. <ref>Kitzur S"A 29:3</ref>

Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:10 </ref>.

# If one is unlearned, one should "ישפיל דעתו"--be more humble. <ref> Kitzur S"A 30:5 </ref>.

# There is a pious practice not to accept any gifts but rather to trust that Hashem will provide his needs.<ref>Kitzur S"A 29:21</ref>

# One shouldn't be stingy, but one shouldn't give away all one's money. <ref> Kitzur S"A 29:2 </ref>.

# Four groups of people don't receive the Divine Presence: -Scoffers -Flatterers -Liars -Speakers of [[Lashon Hara]] <ref> Kitzur S"A 30:6 </ref>.