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Perfecting one's Middot: Difference between revisions
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Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:2</ref> It is a prerequisite for all mitzvot<ref>Rav Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha 1:2 writes that middot are a prerequisite for all the mitzvot and that's why the Torah doesn't focus on them. The Gra in Even Shelemah 1:11 compares Torah to rain for the Nefesh and a person who has a pure Nefesh with good middot will grow positively and the person who has an impure Nefesh will grow negatively.</ref> and bad middot are the basis for all sins.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:1</ref> The basis for perfecting one's middot is the mitzvah to cling to Hashem and become similar to Him.<ref>Rambam Deot 1:6. For example, see Nefesh HaRav p. 281 regarding tzeniut being a middah of Hashem.</ref> | Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:2</ref> It is a prerequisite for all mitzvot<ref>Rav Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha 1:2 writes that middot are a prerequisite for all the mitzvot and that's why the Torah doesn't focus on them. The Gra in Even Shelemah 1:11 compares Torah to rain for the Nefesh and a person who has a pure Nefesh with good middot will grow positively and the person who has an impure Nefesh will grow negatively.</ref> and bad middot are the basis for all sins.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:1</ref> The basis for perfecting one's middot is the mitzvah to cling to Hashem and become similar to Him.<ref>Rambam Deot 1:6. For example, see Nefesh HaRav p. 281 regarding tzeniut being a middah of Hashem.</ref> | ||
==Uniqueness of every Person== | ==Uniqueness of every Person== | ||
# Everyone was created uniquely and with a variation of different middot. A person's makeup is similar to the chemistry makeup of a compound, complex, varied, and alterable. | # Everyone was created uniquely and with a variation of different middot.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:7</ref> A person's makeup is similar to the chemistry makeup of a compound, complex, varied, and alterable. Here's a few salient examples: | ||
## There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ## There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ||
## There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | ## There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | ||
## There are people who pursue desires that they never satisfy, and those who don't even desire necessities. | ## There are people who pursue desires that they never satisfy, and those who don't even desire necessities. | ||
## There are people who are exceedingly greedy, and will never have enough money; there are those who are satisfied with less than they need, and don't attempt to pursue a livelihood. | ## There are people who are exceedingly greedy, and will never have enough money; there are those who are satisfied with less than they need, and don't attempt to pursue a livelihood. | ||
## There are some who gather money, and eat what they own with distress. And there are those who spend all of their money. | ## There are some who gather money, and eat what they own with distress. And there are those who spend all of their money.<ref> Rambam Deot 1:1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29</ref> Acknowledging one's traits, strengths and weaknesses alike, is crucial in being able to begin one's journey in perfecting one's middot. <ref>Mesillat Yesharim (ch. 3 s.v. klal), Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3</ref> | ||
<ref> Rambam Deot 1:1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29 | # All of middot can be boiled down into three head categories: desire for pleasure, desire for honor, and anger. <ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 2:1</ref> A person who perfects these three middot positively will certainly have simcha of life<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 2)</ref>, otherwise, they will suffer as though they are removed from the world.<ref>Mishna Avot 4:21. See Rambam Deot 2:2 how a person effectively makes his life not worth living if he's an angry person. </ref> | ||
</ref> Acknowledging one's traits, strengths and weaknesses alike, is crucial in being able to begin one's journey in perfecting one's middot. <ref>Mesillat Yesharim (ch. 3 s.v. klal), Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3</ref> | # Some say that the basis for all objectivity is selfishness or a desire to take.<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 140)</ref> | ||
# All of middot can be boiled down into three head categories: desire for pleasure, desire for honor, and anger. <ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 2:1</ref> A person who perfects these three middot positively will certainly have simcha of life<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 2)</ref>, otherwise, they will suffer as though they are removed from the world.<ref>Mishna Avot 4:21. See | |||
# Some say that the basis for all | |||
==The proper balance of Middot== | ==The proper balance of Middot== | ||
# Not only does one have to do [[Teshuvah]] for sins that require an action, like theft but one also needs to avoid bad [[middot]] <ref> Rambam Hilchot | # Not only does one have to do [[Teshuvah]] for sins that require an action, like theft but one also needs to avoid bad [[middot]] <ref> Rambam Hilchot Teshuva 7:3, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot 1: page 177. see there for a discussion of the torah source for this obligation </ref> | ||
# The good and straight path, is to accustom oneself to follow the middle path when it comes to character traits. For example, a person shouldn't be too stingy or too generous in giving away of his money, rather one should give according to one's ability. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot volume 1: page 7</ref> | # The good and straight path, is to accustom oneself to follow the middle path when it comes to character traits. For example, a person shouldn't be too stingy or too generous in giving away of his money, rather one should give according to one's ability. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot volume 1: page 7</ref> | ||
# Similarly, a person shouldn't desire physical items other than what a person needs to live. Nor should a person work too much in his business rather one should work to have enough funds for his worldly needs. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2</ref> | # Similarly, a person shouldn't desire physical items other than what a person needs to live. Nor should a person work too much in his business rather one should work to have enough funds for his worldly needs. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2</ref> | ||
# However, arrogance is a very bad character trait and should be avoided altogether. One should accustom oneself to have a humble spirit. Additionally, [[anger]] is a | # However, arrogance is a very bad character trait and should be avoided altogether. One should accustom oneself to have a humble spirit. Additionally, [[anger]] is a very bad character trait and one should stay far away from it. Thus, one should accustom oneself to refrain from [[anger]] even over something which is deserving of getting angry. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3</ref> | ||
# A person should attempt to engage in being quiet except for speaking words of divrei torah or something that's necessary for his worldly needs. Even for one's worldly needs one shouldn't speak excessively. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:5</ref> | # A person should attempt to engage in being quiet except for speaking words of divrei torah or something that's necessary for his worldly needs. Even for one's worldly needs one shouldn't speak excessively. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:5</ref> | ||
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# However, sometimes jealousy can be used for a positive goal such as for spiritual growth. <ref> Gemara says in Bava Batra 22a "kinat sofrim tarbeh chachma" - the envy of Torah scholars increases wisdom.<br /> | # However, sometimes jealousy can be used for a positive goal such as for spiritual growth. <ref> Gemara says in Bava Batra 22a "kinat sofrim tarbeh chachma" - the envy of Torah scholars increases wisdom.<br /> | ||
Sefer LiRayacha Kamocha pg. 159 points out that if one has spiritual envy of another because he is trying to outshine that person or in order to denigrate another, that would be in violation of the same jealousy as material jealousy. </ref> | Sefer LiRayacha Kamocha pg. 159 points out that if one has spiritual envy of another because he is trying to outshine that person or in order to denigrate another, that would be in violation of the same jealousy as material jealousy. </ref> | ||
# see further [[Lo Tachmod]] | |||
===Humility=== | ===Humility=== | ||
# | # Humility is the finest of all of the good character traits.<Ref>Ramban in Iggeret HaRamban</ref> Therefore, one should be exceedingly humble. <ref> Mishna in Pirkei Avot 4:4, Rambam (Deot 2:3) </ref> How should one accustom oneself to humility? One should always speak gently, and have a bent comportment with a head looking down, with one's heart above. One should always view a person as more important than oneself. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3. For example: | ||
How should one accustom | |||
# If the other person is a greater Torah scholar, one must honor him. | # If the other person is a greater Torah scholar, one must honor him. | ||
# If the other person is wealthy, one must honor him. </ref>. | # If the other person is wealthy, one must honor him. </ref>. | ||
# For example, if one sees a rich person, when one sees his wealth, one must think that Hashem gave him wealth because he is fit for it [and able to dispense it well to [[charity]]]. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3</ref>. | # For example, if one sees a rich person, when one sees his wealth, one must think that Hashem gave him wealth because he is fit for it [and able to dispense it well to [[charity]]]. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3</ref>. | ||
# If the other person is smaller than oneself in wisdom or wealth, one should view him as more righteous, because if he sins, he is considered Shogeig or forced, and if you sin, it is considered Intentional / Meizid. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3</ref> | # If the other person is smaller than oneself in wisdom or wealth, one should view him as more righteous, because if he sins, he is considered Shogeig or forced, and if you sin, it is considered Intentional / Meizid. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3</ref> | ||
===Arrogance=== | |||
# It is forbidden to have any arrogance.<ref>Smag Lavin 64 based on Devarim 8:11 counts having arrogance as one of the 613 mitzvot.</ref> | |||
# Even though it is forbidden to advertise or flaunt that one did a certain mitzvah,<ref>Panim Yafot Beresheet 42:18 based on Mishlei 6:8</ref> it is permitted to flaunt or speak about one's [[Yirat Hashem]] or [[Emunah]].<ref>Panim Yafot Beresheet 42:18 citing Chazal. His proofs are Beresheet 42:18, Targum Unkeles Bersheet 50:19, Avot 1:3, Sotah 5a, and Shemot 14:31. In his introduction to Hamikneh n. 18 he proves it from Yirmiyahu 9:23.</reF> | |||
# One shouldn't flaunt one's good qualities even to advertise.<ref>Mishlei 27:2, Orchot Tzadim Gavah s.v. Gaut Chachma</ref> See [[Halachos of Interviews]]. | |||
==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ||
# Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | # Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | ||
# Recognize that it is difficult to change one's middot.<ref>Rav | # Recognize that it is difficult to change one's middot.<ref>Rav Yisrael Salanter ([http://he.wikiquote.org/wiki/%D7%99%D7%A9%D7%A8%D7%90%D7%9C_%D7%9E%D7%A1%D7%9C%D7%A0%D7%98 wikiquote] says that it is easier to finish shas than to change one middah.</ref> | ||
===Correcting one's desire for physical pleasure=== | ===Correcting one's desire for physical pleasure=== | ||
# In order to correct one's desire for physical pleasure is to indeed starve that desire in oneself and abstain from all situations in which a person would receive such pleasures.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 107a says that for one particular desire the way to combat it is by starving it. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 46) expands this to the general desire to take. Additionally, this corresponds to the approach of the Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3 and Rambam Deot 2:2 that in order to correct a middah a person needs to go to the opposite extreme.</ref> | # In order to correct one's desire for physical pleasure is to indeed starve that desire in oneself and abstain from all situations in which a person would receive such pleasures.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 107a says that for one particular desire the way to combat it is by starving it. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 46) expands this to the general desire to take. Additionally, this corresponds to the approach of the Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3 and Rambam Deot 2:2 that in order to correct a middah a person needs to go to the opposite extreme.</ref> | ||
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==Consequences of Bad Middot== | ==Consequences of Bad Middot== | ||
See [[Perfecting one's Middot]] | |||
# Four groups of people don't receive the Divine Presence: -Scoffers -Flatterers -Liars -Speakers of [[Lashon Hara]] <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:6 </ref>. | # Four groups of people don't receive the Divine Presence: -Scoffers -Flatterers -Liars -Speakers of [[Lashon Hara]] <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:6 </ref>. | ||
