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Perfecting one's Middot: Difference between revisions
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Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:2</ref> It is a prerequisite for all mitzvot<ref>Rav Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha 1:2 writes that middot are a prerequisite for all the mitzvot and that's why the Torah doesn't focus on them. The Gra in Even Shelemah 1:11 compares Torah to rain for the Nefesh and a person who has a pure Nefesh with good middot will grow positively and the person who has an impure Nefesh will grow negatively.</ref> and bad middot are the basis for all sins.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:1</ref> The basis for perfecting one's middot is the mitzvah to cling to Hashem and become similar to Him.<ref>Rambam Deot 1:6. For example, see Nefesh HaRav p. 281 regarding tzeniut being a middah of Hashem.</ref> | Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:2</ref> It is a prerequisite for all mitzvot<ref>Rav Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha 1:2 writes that middot are a prerequisite for all the mitzvot and that's why the Torah doesn't focus on them. The Gra in Even Shelemah 1:11 compares Torah to rain for the Nefesh and a person who has a pure Nefesh with good middot will grow positively and the person who has an impure Nefesh will grow negatively.</ref> and bad middot are the basis for all sins.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:1</ref> The basis for perfecting one's middot is the mitzvah to cling to Hashem and become similar to Him.<ref>Rambam Deot 1:6. For example, see Nefesh HaRav p. 281 regarding tzeniut being a middah of Hashem.</ref> | ||
==Uniqueness of every Person== | ==Uniqueness of every Person== | ||
# Everyone was created uniquely and with a variation of different middot. A person's makeup is similar to the chemistry makeup of a compound, complex, varied, and alterable. | # Everyone was created uniquely and with a variation of different middot.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:7</ref> A person's makeup is similar to the chemistry makeup of a compound, complex, varied, and alterable. Here's a few salient examples: | ||
## There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ## There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ||
## There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | ## There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | ||
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<ref> Rambam Deot 1:1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29</ref> | <ref> Rambam Deot 1:1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29</ref> | ||
</ref> Acknowledging one's traits, strengths and weaknesses alike, is crucial in being able to begin one's journey in perfecting one's middot. <ref>Mesillat Yesharim (ch. 3 s.v. klal), Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3</ref> | </ref> Acknowledging one's traits, strengths and weaknesses alike, is crucial in being able to begin one's journey in perfecting one's middot. <ref>Mesillat Yesharim (ch. 3 s.v. klal), Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3</ref> | ||
# All of middot can be boiled down into three head categories: desire for pleasure, desire for honor, and anger. <ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 2:1</ref> A person who perfects these three middot positively will certainly have simcha of life<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 2)</ref>, otherwise, they will suffer as though they are removed from the world.<ref>Mishna Avot 4:21. See | # All of middot can be boiled down into three head categories: desire for pleasure, desire for honor, and anger. <ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 2:1</ref> A person who perfects these three middot positively will certainly have simcha of life<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 2)</ref>, otherwise, they will suffer as though they are removed from the world.<ref>Mishna Avot 4:21. See Rambam Deot 2:2 how a person effectively makes his life not worth living if he's an angry person. </ref> | ||
# Some say that the basis for all | # Some say that the basis for all objectivity is selfishness or a desire to take.<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 140)</ref> | ||
==The proper balance of Middot== | ==The proper balance of Middot== | ||
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===Humility=== | ===Humility=== | ||
# One should be exceedingly humble. <ref> Mishna in Pirkei Avot 4:4 </ref> | # One should be exceedingly humble. <ref> Mishna in Pirkei Avot 4:4 </ref> | ||
How should one accustom | How should one accustom oneself to humility? One should always speak gently, and have a bent comportment with a head looking down, with one's heart above. One should always view a person as more important than oneself. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:3. For example: | ||
# If the other person is a greater Torah scholar, one must honor him. | # If the other person is a greater Torah scholar, one must honor him. | ||
# If the other person is wealthy, one must honor him. </ref>. | # If the other person is wealthy, one must honor him. </ref>. | ||
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==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ||
# Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | # Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | ||
# Recognize that it is difficult to change one's middot.<ref>Rav | # Recognize that it is difficult to change one's middot.<ref>Rav Yisrael Salanter ([http://he.wikiquote.org/wiki/%D7%99%D7%A9%D7%A8%D7%90%D7%9C_%D7%9E%D7%A1%D7%9C%D7%A0%D7%98 wikiquote] says that it is easier to finish shas than to change one middah.</ref> | ||
===Correcting one's desire for physical pleasure=== | ===Correcting one's desire for physical pleasure=== | ||
# In order to correct one's desire for physical pleasure is to indeed starve that desire in oneself and abstain from all situations in which a person would receive such pleasures.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 107a says that for one particular desire the way to combat it is by starving it. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 46) expands this to the general desire to take. Additionally, this corresponds to the approach of the Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3 and Rambam Deot 2:2 that in order to correct a middah a person needs to go to the opposite extreme.</ref> | # In order to correct one's desire for physical pleasure is to indeed starve that desire in oneself and abstain from all situations in which a person would receive such pleasures.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 107a says that for one particular desire the way to combat it is by starving it. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 46) expands this to the general desire to take. Additionally, this corresponds to the approach of the Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3 and Rambam Deot 2:2 that in order to correct a middah a person needs to go to the opposite extreme.</ref> | ||
