16,374
edits
Perfecting one's Middot: Difference between revisions
From Halachipedia
no edit summary
m (Text replacement - "S"A" to "Shulchan Aruch") |
No edit summary |
||
| Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even | Perfecting one's middot (character traits) is the reason for man's existence.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:2</ref> It is a prerequisite for all mitzvot<ref>Rav Chaim Vital in Shaarei Kedusha 1:2 writes that middot are a prerequisite for all the mitzvot and that's why the Torah doesn't focus on them. The Gra in Even Shelemah 1:11 compares Torah to rain for the Nefesh and a person who has a pure Nefesh with good middot will grow positively and the person who has an impure Nefesh will grow negatively.</ref> and bad middot are the basis for all sins.<ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 1:1</ref> The basis for perfecting one's middot is the mitzvah to cling to Hashem and become similar to Him.<ref>Rambam Deot 1:6. For example, see Nefesh HaRav p. 281 regarding tzeniut being a middah of Hashem.</ref> | ||
#There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ==Uniqueness of every Person== | ||
#There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | # Everyone was created uniquely and with a variation of different middot. A person's makeup is similar to the chemistry makeup of a compound, complex, varied, and alterable.<ref>Rav Desller???, Gra in Even Shelemah 1:7</ref> Here's a few salient examples: | ||
#There are people who pursue desires that they never satisfy, and those who don't even desire necessities. | ## There are people who [[anger]] easily, and people who almost never get angry. | ||
#There are people who are exceedingly greedy, and will never have enough money; there are those who are satisfied with less than they need, and don't attempt to pursue a livelihood. | ## There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek. | ||
#There are some who gather money, and eat what they own with distress. And there are those who spend all of their money. | ## There are people who pursue desires that they never satisfy, and those who don't even desire necessities. | ||
</ref> | ## There are people who are exceedingly greedy, and will never have enough money; there are those who are satisfied with less than they need, and don't attempt to pursue a livelihood. | ||
## There are some who gather money, and eat what they own with distress. And there are those who spend all of their money. | |||
<ref> Rambam Deot 1:1, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29</ref> | |||
</ref> Acknowledging one's traits, strengths and weaknesses alike, is crucial in being able to begin one's journey in perfecting one's middot. <ref>Mesillat Yesharim (ch. 3 s.v. klal), Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3</ref> | |||
# All of middot can be boiled down into three head categories: desire for pleasure, desire for honor, and anger. <ref>Gra in Even Shelemah 2:1</ref> A person who perfects these three middot positively will certainly have simcha of life<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 2)</ref>, otherwise, they will suffer as though they are removed from the world.<ref>Mishna Avot 4:21. See Olam HaMiddot (Middat Kaas) how a person effectively puts himself in his own gehinom by being angry.</ref> | |||
# Some say that the basis for all middot is selfishness or a desire to take.<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu | |||
==The proper balance of Middot== | ==The proper balance of Middot== | ||
| Line 33: | Line 38: | ||
==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ==Ways to Perfect Character Traits== | ||
Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | # Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them </ref>. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:10 </ref>. | ||
# Recognize that it is difficult to change one's middot.<ref>Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu (v. 1, p. | |||
===Correcting one's desire for physical pleasure=== | |||
# In order to correct one's desire for physical pleasure is to indeed starve that desire in oneself and abstain from all situations in which a person would receive such pleasures.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 107a says that for one particular desire the way to combat it is by starving it. Rav Dessler (Michtav M'Eliyahu v. 1, p. 46) expands this to the general desire to take. Additionally, this corresponds to the approach of the Gra in Even Shelemah 1:3 and Rambam Deot 2:2 that in order to correct a middah a person needs to go to the opposite extreme.</ref> | |||
How can one avoid [[Lashon Hara]]? | ===How can one avoid [[Lashon Hara]]?=== | ||
# If one is a Talmid Chacham, one should study Torah. | # If one is a Talmid Chacham, one should study Torah. | ||
# If one is unlearned, one should "ישפיל דעתו"--be more humble. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:5 </ref>. | # If one is unlearned, one should "ישפיל דעתו"--be more humble. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:5 </ref>. | ||
How can one avoid [[Revenge]]? | ===How can one avoid [[Revenge]]?=== | ||
#If you want to take [[revenge]] from your enemy, perfect yourself and walk in upright ways; your enemy will be distressed at your [[Middot]] and your good name <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:8 </ref>. | #If you want to take [[revenge]] from your enemy, perfect yourself and walk in upright ways; your enemy will be distressed at your [[Middot]] and your good name <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:8 </ref>. | ||
# However, if you respond with lowly deeds, your enemy will be happy with your disgrace <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:8 </ref>. | # However, if you respond with lowly deeds, your enemy will be happy with your disgrace <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:8 </ref>. | ||
| Line 45: | Line 53: | ||
==Financial matters== | ==Financial matters== | ||
# There is a pious practice not to accept any gifts but rather to trust that Hashem will provide his needs.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:21</ref> | # There is a pious practice not to accept any gifts but rather to trust that Hashem will provide his needs.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:21</ref> | ||
# One shouldn't be stingy, but one shouldn't give away all one's money. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2 </ref>. | # One shouldn't be stingy, but one shouldn't give away all one's money. <ref> Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29:2, Ketubot 50a </ref>. | ||
==Consequences of Bad Middot== | ==Consequences of Bad Middot== | ||
