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Onen: Difference between revisions
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# A person is an "onen" from the time that he hears of the death of any one of his seven relatives, until the time of burial. These seven relatives are: one's (1) father, (2) mother, (3) son, (4) daughter, (5) sister, (6) brother, and (7) spouse.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4. The Rambam in Hilchos Avel 2:1 considers the obligation of mourning for a spouse to be Midivreihem, which most (cf. Lechem Mishnah there) assume to mean that it is derabanan (although this is not the understanding of the Kesef Mishnah there). Ramban, however, in Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) page 213 believes that it must be deoraisa. Additionally, Ramban writes (to Vayikra 21:3) that mourning for one's married sister, or a married sister mourning for her brother, is only derabanan.</ref> Generally, anyone obligated in [[mourning]] after the burial is obligated to observe aninus before the burial.<ref>Shulchan Aruch 341:1. The Badei Hashulchan (341:4, Biurim page 75-76) writes, against Sh"t Bnyan Tziyon 113, that it is best to be stringent regarding meat, wine, and tashmish even for a child who has died before living out thirty days, despite the fact that there is no aveilus for such a child, but such a person is still obligated in mitzvos.</ref> | # A person is an "onen" from the time that he hears of the death of any one of his seven relatives, until the time of burial. These seven relatives are: one's (1) father, (2) mother, (3) son, (4) daughter, (5) sister, (6) brother, and (7) spouse.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4. The Rambam in Hilchos Avel 2:1 considers the obligation of mourning for a spouse to be Midivreihem, which most (cf. Lechem Mishnah there) assume to mean that it is derabanan (although this is not the understanding of the Kesef Mishnah there). Ramban, however, in Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) page 213 believes that it must be deoraisa. Additionally, Ramban writes (to Vayikra 21:3) that mourning for one's married sister, or a married sister mourning for her brother, is only derabanan.</ref> Generally, anyone obligated in [[mourning]] after the burial is obligated to observe aninus before the burial.<ref>Shulchan Aruch 341:1. The Badei Hashulchan (341:4, Biurim page 75-76) writes, against Sh"t Bnyan Tziyon 113, that it is best to be stringent regarding meat, wine, and tashmish even for a child who has died before living out thirty days, despite the fact that there is no aveilus for such a child, but such a person is still obligated in mitzvos.</ref> | ||
# The common practice is that even someone whose relative that has passed away is in a different city, or another relative is taking care of the burial needs, is still considered an "onen".<ref>Rabbeinu Tam, as quoted in Tosfos Brachos 18b and Rosh Brachos 3:3, did not consider himself to be an onen when his married sister died, either because his sister's husband would take care of the burial, or, as explained by the Bach Yoreh Deah 341:4 (and Shach Y.D. 341:5) explains, because he was in a different city. Either way, the Rosh there and Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 341:1) writes that this opinion was not accepted.</ref> However, not all agree with this view.<ref>See Shach Y.D. 341:4</ref> | # The common practice is that even someone whose relative that has passed away is in a different city, or another relative is taking care of the burial needs, is still considered an "onen".<ref>Rabbeinu Tam, as quoted in Tosfos Brachos 18b and Rosh Brachos 3:3, did not consider himself to be an onen when his married sister died, either because his sister's husband would take care of the burial, or, as explained by the Bach Yoreh Deah 341:4 (and Shach Y.D. 341:5) explains, because he was in a different city. Either way, the Rosh there and Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 341:1) writes that this opinion was not accepted.</ref> However, not all agree with this view.<ref>See Shach Y.D. 341:4</ref> | ||
# Nowadays most communities have specific people who deal with the meis and the burial, such as a "Chevra Kadisha," and so the immediate relatives of the deceased do not take care of the burial directly.<ref>This is the generally understood meaning of 'כתפים' in Yerushalmi Brachos 3:1, cf. Moed Katan 22a</ref> Although some have stated that this custom frees the relatives from their status as onenim,<ref>Shulchan Aruch 341:3 based on Tosfos Brachos 18b, Tur Y.D. 375 quoting Behag, Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) p. 70, Chochmas Adam Klal 153:3</ref> others believe that a relative is only free from being an onen if he does not accompany the meis to the burial.<Noda Biyhudah Tinyana Y.D 211 cited in Pischei Teshuvah 341:1, cf. Hagahos Maimoni Hil. Eivel 3:6.</ref> While some communities follow the first view, most believe that a person is still an onen nowadays when a Chevra Kadisha takes care of the meis.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 341:20-23 writes that this must be the case, considering that the Shulchan Aruch paskens (341:1) that even a relative who is in a faraway city and will not be involved in the burial is still an onen. Rather, the Gemara is referring to those who have followed the meis until a certain point, and then return home while the meis is sent to be buried.</ref> | # Nowadays most communities have specific people who deal with the meis and the burial, such as a "Chevra Kadisha," and so the immediate relatives of the deceased do not take care of the burial directly.<ref>This is the generally understood meaning of 'כתפים' in Yerushalmi Brachos 3:1, cf. Moed Katan 22a</ref> Although some have stated that this custom frees the relatives from their status as onenim,<ref>Shulchan Aruch 341:3 based on Tosfos Brachos 18b, Tur Y.D. 375 quoting Behag, Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) p. 70, Chochmas Adam Klal 153:3</ref> others believe that a relative is only free from being an onen if he does not accompany the meis to the burial.<ref>Noda Biyhudah Tinyana Y.D 211 cited in Pischei Teshuvah 341:1, cf. Hagahos Maimoni Hil. Eivel 3:6.</ref> While some communities follow the first view, most believe that a person is still an onen nowadays when a Chevra Kadisha takes care of the meis.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 341:20-23 writes that this must be the case, considering that the Shulchan Aruch paskens (341:1) that even a relative who is in a faraway city and will not be involved in the burial is still an onen. Rather, the Gemara is referring to those who have followed the meis until a certain point, and then return home while the meis is sent to be buried.</ref> | ||
# One who only accompanies the meis only until a certain point, but not all the way to the burial, is no longer an onen once they leave the meis.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2, Hashulchan Y.D. 341:21-22. Although the Aruch Hashulchan in 324:23 indicates that this is only true if the meis will be traveling for at least a two-day's journey, see Minchas Shelomo 91:25. See there also regarding a relative who will not be with the meis at all the entire time</ref> | # One who only accompanies the meis only until a certain point, but not all the way to the burial, is no longer an onen once they leave the meis.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2, Hashulchan Y.D. 341:21-22. Although the Aruch Hashulchan in 324:23 indicates that this is only true if the meis will be traveling for at least a two-day's journey, see Minchas Shelomo 91:25. See there also regarding a relative who will not be with the meis at all the entire time</ref> | ||
# The relatives of someone who died in captivity do not practice aninus at all, and not aveilus until the burial.<ref>Tosfos Brachos 18a, Rambam Hilchos Avel 1:3, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 341:4, Shach 341:15</ref> However, many believe that this was only the case if the captors wouldn't release the body until ransom negotiations were made, but today, if the meis is being held for medical or legal reasons, aninus does apply right away, because one can be sure that the meis will be returned to the family eventually.<ref>Noda BiYhudah Tinyanana Y.D. 211, Aruch Hashulchan 341:18</ref> | # The relatives of someone who died in captivity do not practice aninus at all, and not aveilus until the burial.<ref>Tosfos Brachos 18a, Rambam Hilchos Avel 1:3, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 341:4, Shach 341:15</ref> However, many believe that this was only the case if the captors wouldn't release the body until ransom negotiations were made, but today, if the meis is being held for medical or legal reasons, aninus does apply right away, because one can be sure that the meis will be returned to the family eventually.<ref>Noda BiYhudah Tinyanana Y.D. 211, Aruch Hashulchan 341:18</ref> | ||
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==Exemption from Mitzvot== | ==Exemption from Mitzvot== | ||
# An onen is exempt from | # An onen is exempt from doing any mitzvah,<ref>Gemara Brachos 17b and Moed Katan 23b, Rambam (Hilchot Avel 4:6), Mishna Brurah 71:4. Rabbeinu Yonah to Rif Brachos 10b mentions the possibility that an onen is only expempt from mitzvos requiring special intent, such as [[Shema]] and [[Tefillah]], but this opinion has not been accepted.</ref> either because he is considered preoccupied with the mitzvah of burying his relative<ref>Cf. Rashi to Brachos 17b s.v. "mi shemeiso" and Toras HaOlah "Inyan Aninus." Levush Y.D. 341 writes that even a relative who is not actively involved in taking care of the burial is still mentally preoccupied enough to apply the principle of עוסק במצוה פטור מן המצוה</ref> or out of respect for the deceased.<ref>Yerushalmi Brachos 3:1, Tosfos Brachos 17b. This is the explanation preferred by Chachmas Adam 157:5</ref> | ||
# An onen is exempt from all [[brachot]] | # An onen may not decide on his own to perform mitvzos even if (s)he wants to do so<ref>As quoted in Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 341:1, Mishnah Berurah O.C. 78:7 understands this to be the Shulchan Aruch's actual opinion. If aninus is derabanan (which is almost certainly the case after nightfall of the day of death), then perhaps one would still be obligated in mitzvos that would be actively violated, see Kovetz HeAros Yevamos #69. The Noda BiYhudah believes that the onen is allowed to count [[Sefirat HaOmer]] in order so as not to lose out on counting the whole sefirah, and R. Shlomo Kluger (Sefer HaChayim no. 71) uses similar reasoning to say that an onen is permitted to recite Kiddush Levanah if others are taking care of the burial.</ref> | ||
# An onen is exempt from all [[brachot]], and can therefore eat without making any [[Birchot]] HaNehenin. <ref>The Rash MeShantz (Mishna Damai 1:4 s.v. UMazminin Alav) implies that an onen is obligated to say [[brachot]] for himself but may not exempt others, although his position is against that of Rashi (SOURCE) explains the mishna. The Mishna Brurah 71:4 writes that an onen is exempt from all [[brachot]].</ref> | |||
# An onen is permitted to wear his tallit kattan as usual, but should not make a bracha on it.<ref>Minchas Shelomo 1:91:25</ref> | # An onen is permitted to wear his tallit kattan as usual, but should not make a bracha on it.<ref>Minchas Shelomo 1:91:25</ref> | ||
# A person who became a mourner after the time for [[Shacharit]] or [[Mincha]] began and didn’t yet pray, some say he’s obligated to make [[Tashlumin]] and some argue <ref> Mishna Brurah 71, Magen Giborim and Derech HaChaim hold that a person is chayav, while the Yad Efrayim (Aninut 29), Birkei Yosef 341:17, Chachmat Shlomo 71, and Sh”t Shevet HaLevi 6:11 hold that one is exempt from [[Tashlumin]]. </ref> | # A person who became a mourner after the time for [[Shacharit]] or [[Mincha]] began and didn’t yet pray, some say he’s obligated to make [[Tashlumin]] and some argue <ref> Mishna Brurah 71, Magen Giborim and Derech HaChaim hold that a person is chayav, while the Yad Efrayim (Aninut 29), Birkei Yosef 341:17, Chachmat Shlomo 71, and Sh”t Shevet HaLevi 6:11 hold that one is exempt from [[Tashlumin]]. </ref> | ||
