Onen: Difference between revisions

# The common practice is that even someone whose relative that has passed away is in a different city, or another relative is taking care of the burial needs, is still considered an "onen".<ref>Rabbeinu Tam, as quoted in Tosfos Brachos 18b and Rosh Brachos 3:3, did not consider himself to be an onen when his married sister died, either because his sister's husband would take care of the burial, or, as explained by the Bach Yoreh Deah 341:4 (and Shach Y.D. 341:5) explains, because he was in a different city. Either way, the Rosh there and Shulchan Aruch (Y.D. 341:1) writes that this opinion was not accepted.</ref> However, not all agree with this view.<ref>See Shach Y.D. 341:4</ref>  

# Nowadays most communities have specific people who deal with the meis and the burial, such as a "Chevra Kadisha," and so the immediate relatives of the deceased do not take care of the burial directly.<ref>This is the generally understood meaning of 'כתפים' in Yerushalmi Brachos 3:1, cf. Moed Katan 22a</ref> Although some have stated that this custom frees the relatives from their status as onenim,<ref>Shulchan Aruch 341:3 based on Tosfos Brachos 18b, Tur Y.D. 375 quoting Behag, Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) p. 70, Chochmas Adam Klal 153:3</ref> others believe that a relative is only free from being an onen if he does not accompany the meis to the burial.<ref>Noda Biyhudah Tinyana Y.D 211 cited in Pischei Teshuvah 341:1, cf. Hagahos Maimoni Hil. Eivel 3:6.</ref> While some communities follow the first view, most believe that a person is still an onen nowadays when a Chevra Kadisha takes care of the meis.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 341:20-23 writes that this must be the case, considering that the Shulchan Aruch paskens (341:1) that even a relative who is in a faraway city and will not be involved in the burial is still an onen. Rather, the Gemara is referring to those who have followed the meis until a certain point, and then return home while the meis is sent to be buried.</ref>  

# The relatives of someone who died in captivity do not practice aninus at all, and not aveilus until the burial (or until the relatives give up hope of having a burial).<ref>Tosfos Brachos 18a, Rambam Hilchos Avel 1:3, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 341:4, Shach 341:15</ref> However, many believe that this was only the case if the captors wouldn't release the body until ransom negotiations were made, but today, if the meis is being held for medical or legal reasons, aninus does apply right away, because one can be sure that the meis will be returned to the family eventually.<ref>Noda BiYhudah Tinyanana Y.D. 211, Aruch Hashulchan 341:18</ref>

# Aninus applies equally to men and women.<ref> Yalkut Yosef Kitzur S"A OC 71:1</ref> However, a child who is an onen can still recite keriat shema or tefilla, and he can eat meat or drink wine.<Ref> Yalkut Yosef Kitzur S"A OC 71:13 </ref>