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Laws and Customs of a Funeral: Difference between revisions
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# Some have the minhag not to put up the tombstone until after 12 months from the death of the relative because a person's memory of the deceased weakens after 12 months and the tombstone is to be a commemoration of the deceased.<Ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8 provides two reasons for the minhag not to set up a tombstone until after 12 months. First, during the first twelve months the relatives are filled with sadness and putting up the tombstone is happy. Second, only after 12 months is it necessary to set up a tombstone to remember the deceased.</ref> | # Some have the minhag not to put up the tombstone until after 12 months from the death of the relative because a person's memory of the deceased weakens after 12 months and the tombstone is to be a commemoration of the deceased.<Ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8 provides two reasons for the minhag not to set up a tombstone until after 12 months. First, during the first twelve months the relatives are filled with sadness and putting up the tombstone is happy. Second, only after 12 months is it necessary to set up a tombstone to remember the deceased.</ref> | ||
# Reading the writing on a tombstone causes one to forget.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8</ref> | # Reading the writing on a tombstone causes one to forget.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8</ref> | ||
# Some poskim hold that it is forbidden to sit or walk on a grave. It is proper not to walk on the graves unless it is impossible to avoid it and it is temporary. One should not sit on the tombstone of a grave. <ref>The Hagahot Ashuri (Moed Katan 3:79) quotes the Or Zaruah who held that it was forbidden to sit on the tombstone or walk on top of a grave since the grave and everything made in honor of the deceased are forbidden to benefit from. The Tur 364:1 quotes the Rosh as permitting sitting on the tombstone since it isn't part of the grave. The Bet Yosef writes that we hold like the Rosh. The Rama 364:1 cites both opinions. Pitchei Teshuva 364:2 cites the Yad Eliyahu who concludes that for a mitzvah it is permitted to walk on top of a grave but not to sit on a tombstone. The Taz 364:1 learns that walking on a grave quickly to get somewhere is permitted. Aruch Hashulchan 364:11 permits walking on top of a grave even if it is forbidden from benefit unless it is done in a very disgraceful manner. Chazon Ovadia (v. 1 p. 436) writes that it is proper to avoid walking on a grave unless it is impossible to avoid and it is temporary.</ref> | # Some poskim hold that it is forbidden to sit or walk on a grave. It is proper not to walk on the graves unless it is impossible to avoid it and it is temporary. One should not sit on the tombstone of a grave. <ref>The Hagahot Ashuri (Moed Katan 3:79) quotes the Or Zaruah who held that it was forbidden to sit on the tombstone or walk on top of a grave since the grave and everything made in honor of the deceased are forbidden to benefit from. The Tur 364:1 quotes the Rosh as permitting sitting on the tombstone since it isn't part of the grave. The Bet Yosef writes that we hold like the Rosh. The Rama 364:1 cites both opinions. Pitchei Teshuva 364:2 cites the Yad Eliyahu who concludes that for a mitzvah it is permitted to walk on top of a grave but not to sit on a tombstone. The Taz 364:1 learns that walking on a grave quickly to get somewhere is permitted. Aruch Hashulchan 364:11 permits walking on top of a grave even if it is forbidden from benefit unless it is done in a very disgraceful manner. Chazon Ovadia (v. 1 p. 436) writes that it is proper to avoid walking on a grave unless it is impossible to avoid and it is temporary. Yalkut Yosef YD 51:3 agrees.</ref> | ||
==Practices after the Funeral== | ==Practices after the Funeral== | ||
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# One should wash one's hands before entering a house.<ref>Rama YD 376:4</ref> | # One should wash one's hands before entering a house.<ref>Rama YD 376:4</ref> | ||
# One should not pass the cup used for washing hands from one person to another. Instead it should be put down for the next person.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 332)</ref> | # One should not pass the cup used for washing hands from one person to another. Instead it should be put down for the next person.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8, Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 332)</ref> | ||
==Laws of a Cemetery== | |||
# One may not wear tzitzit out while walking in a cemetery.<ref>Brachot 18a</ref> | |||
# According to some poskim one shouldn't carry a sefer torah in a cemetery.<ref>Bach YD 282:3 and Taz 282:3 are strict to forbid carrying a sefer torah within 4 amot of a grave. Nodeh Beyehuda OC 109 discusses the matter and isn't certain that it is forbidden.</ref> | |||
==Where to Do the Burial== | ==Where to Do the Burial== | ||
# Generally it is forbidden to bury someone in another cemetery if there is a closer one in town. Exceptions to this rule include burying the corpse in Israel, burying them in a family plot, or if the deceased left an explicit directive to bury him in a certain location. <ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama YD 363:2</ref> | # Generally it is forbidden to bury someone in another cemetery if there is a closer one in town. Exceptions to this rule include burying the corpse in Israel, burying them in a family plot, or if the deceased left an explicit directive to bury him in a certain location. <ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama YD 363:2</ref> | ||
# It is forbidden to bury someone who is wicked next to someone who is righteous.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 47a, Shulchan Aruch YD 362:5</ref> | # It is forbidden to bury someone who is wicked next to someone who is righteous.<ref>Gemara Sanhedrin 47a, Shulchan Aruch YD 362:5</ref> | ||
# It is forbidden to bury a Jew next to a non-Jew.<ref>Ran (Gittin 28a s.v. kovrin), Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 313). Chazon Ovadia writes that the graves need to be at least 8 amot apart.</ref> Therefore, the child of a non-Jewish mother and a Jewish father may not be buried in a Jewish cemetery unless he converted in which case he is completely Jewish.<ref>Melamed Lhoil 2:127 writes that it is a very serious sin to allow a child of a non-Jewish mother to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Firstly, it is forbidden to bury a non-Jew next to a Jew. Secondly, it makes it appear as though the child of an intermarried couple with a non-Jewish mother is Jewish is completely false.</ref> | # It is forbidden to bury a Jew next to a non-Jew.<ref>Ran (Gittin 28a s.v. kovrin), Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 313), Yabia Omer YD 7:36. Chazon Ovadia writes that the graves need to be at least 8 amot apart.</ref> Therefore, the child of a non-Jewish mother and a Jewish father may not be buried in a Jewish cemetery unless he converted in which case he is completely Jewish.<ref>Melamed Lhoil 2:127 writes that it is a very serious sin to allow a child of a non-Jewish mother to be buried in a Jewish cemetery. Firstly, it is forbidden to bury a non-Jew next to a Jew. Secondly, it makes it appear as though the child of an intermarried couple with a non-Jewish mother is Jewish is completely false.</ref> | ||
==Cremation== | ==Cremation== | ||
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# The chevra kaddisha should consist of people who are pious and religious.<Ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 300)</ref> | # The chevra kaddisha should consist of people who are pious and religious.<Ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 300)</ref> | ||
# The chevra kaddisha should not charge exorbitant amounts for the burial.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 361:1 citing Chatom Sofer YD 329</ref> | # The chevra kaddisha should not charge exorbitant amounts for the burial.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 361:1 citing Chatom Sofer YD 329</ref> | ||
# The deceased should be buried in a tallit<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 351:2. Tosfot Niddah 61b s.v. aval writes that the practice was to remove the tzitzit from the tallit on the deceased thereby invalidating it. He explains that it would be a mockery to put on tzitzit on a person who didn't wear tzitzit when he was alive since the time to acquire mitzvot is when a person is alive. Furthermore, it would embarrass those who don't wear tzitzit if they only put tzitzit on the deceased if he wore it when he was alive. Therefore, the practice was to remove the tzitzit from the tallit of the deceased. Baal Hameor (Moed Katan 16a s.v. abba) writes that the practice was to untie the tzitzit before the deceased was interred. Raavad (Katuv Sham Moed Katan 16a) agrees. Ramban (Milchamot Moed Katan 16a s.v. amar) argues that they should put tzitzit on the tallit that the deceased is buried in so that the deceased isn't embarrassed that he isn't wearing tzitzit. Shulchan Aruch YD 351:2 codifies the opinion of the Ramban. </ref> but the minhag in Israel is not to.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 303), Gesher Hachaim 15:2:1</ref> The Ashkenazic minhag outside Israel is to put on a Tallit but to invalidate it.<ref>Rama YD 351:2. Aruch Hashulchan 351:3 relates that the Gra instructed a talmid to make sure that he was buried with kosher tzitzit. When they were burying him the talmid didn't feel well and when he left for a moment the chevra kaddisha invalidated his tzitzit. When the talmid returned the gedolim decided not to replace the tallit as it was a sign from heaven that they shouldn't change from the minhag.</ref> | # The deceased should be buried in a tallit<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 351:2. Tosfot Niddah 61b s.v. aval writes that the practice was to remove the tzitzit from the tallit on the deceased thereby invalidating it. He explains that it would be a mockery to put on tzitzit on a person who didn't wear tzitzit when he was alive since the time to acquire mitzvot is when a person is alive. Furthermore, it would embarrass those who don't wear tzitzit if they only put tzitzit on the deceased if he wore it when he was alive. Therefore, the practice was to remove the tzitzit from the tallit of the deceased. Tosfot Brachot 18a s.v. lemachar agrees. Baal Hameor (Moed Katan 16a s.v. abba) writes that the practice was to untie the tzitzit before the deceased was interred. Raavad (Katuv Sham Moed Katan 16a) agrees. Ramban (Milchamot Moed Katan 16a s.v. amar) argues that they should put tzitzit on the tallit that the deceased is buried in so that the deceased isn't embarrassed that he isn't wearing tzitzit. Shulchan Aruch YD 351:2 codifies the opinion of the Ramban. </ref> but the minhag in Israel is not to.<ref>Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 1 p. 303), Gesher Hachaim 15:2:1</ref> The Ashkenazic minhag outside Israel is to put on a Tallit but to invalidate it.<ref>Rama YD 351:2. Aruch Hashulchan 351:3 relates that the Gra instructed a talmid to make sure that he was buried with kosher tzitzit. When they were burying him the talmid didn't feel well and when he left for a moment the chevra kaddisha invalidated his tzitzit. When the talmid returned the gedolim decided not to replace the tallit as it was a sign from heaven that they shouldn't change from the minhag.</ref> | ||
==When to do the Burial== | ==When to do the Burial== | ||
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# Someone involved in the moving of bones and their burial are exempt from mitzvot. <ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 403:1</ref> | # Someone involved in the moving of bones and their burial are exempt from mitzvot. <ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 403:1</ref> | ||
# A woman whose husband died and got remarried doesn't observe aveilut for her first husband if they move the skeleton of her first husband.<Ref>Pitchei Teshuva YD 403:2 citing Chatom Sofer 355</ref> | # A woman whose husband died and got remarried doesn't observe aveilut for her first husband if they move the skeleton of her first husband.<Ref>Pitchei Teshuva YD 403:2 citing Chatom Sofer 355</ref> | ||
==Benefiting from a Corpse== | |||
# It is forbidden to benefit from a corpse. Most poskim assume that this is a Biblical prohibition<ref>Tosfot Bava Kama 10a, Rashba Bava Kama 10a, Ramban Vayikra 11:3, Rashba Teshuva 1:364, and Lechem Mishna 14:21 all assume that the prohibition to benefit from a corpse is Biblical. However, the Mishna Lmelech Avel 14:21 end of s.v. vraaiyti (1) suggests that perhaps the Rambam Maachalot Asurot 2:3 holds it is only a rabbinic prohibition.</ref> and applies to a Jew and non-Jew alike.<ref>The Rashba Teshuva 1:365 rejects the position of the questioner that a non-Jewish corpse is permitted for benefit. He seems to conclude that it is just as forbidden to benefit from a non-Jewish corpse as it is for a Jewish corpse. Shulchan Aruch YD 349:1 rules like the Rashba.</ref> Some rishonim hold that it doesn't apply to a non-Jew but the halacha is that it does apply to a non-Jew.<ref>Gra YD 349 cites the Tosfot Bava Kama 10a and Rashba who hold that it doesn't apply to a non-Jew. Pitchei Teshuva 349:1 quotes the Avnei Shoham who says that it is only a Biblical prohibition to benefit from a Jewish dead body but a rabbinic prohibition to benefit from a non-Jewish dead body.</ref> | |||
# Jewelry on a dead person at the time of death isn't forbidden to benefit from unless it was attached to them such as a gold tooth. However, a ring or bracelet is permitted.<ref>The Gemara Erchin 7b cites a dispute between Rav and Rav Nachman Bar Yitzchak whether hair of a corpse is forbidden. Rav holds it is. Additionally, Rav holds that a wig which is tied to a woman's hair is also forbidden. The Tur YD 349 holds like Rav, while the Rambam Avel 14:21 rules that hair is permitted. Tosfot Bava Kama 10a agrees with the Rambam. Lechem Mishna 14:21 explains that the Rambam ruled like Rav Nachman. Shulchan Aruch YD 349:1 rules like the Tur. Rama clarifies that jewelry that is tied to the corpse at the time of death is forbidden. The Bear Heitiv cites the Bach who is more stringent and even if the jewelry is pinned onto the body it is also forbidden. The Pitchei Teshuva YD 349 quotes the Bechor Shor who says that it would seem that a tight ring would be forbidden according to the Bach. However, he thinks that we can be lenient since there are many rishonim who hold like Rav Nachman, including Tosfot and the Rambam. Also it isn't clear that we should extend the halacha of the gemara from a wig to jewelry. Lastly, the Rama thinks that as long as the jewelry isn't tied onto the body we can be lenient.</ref> | |||
#Some have a minhag not to use the shoes of someone who died.<ref>Sefer Chasidim 454. Yabia Omer YD 3:5 quotes some who are lenient if the shoes weren't on his feet when he was sick or died.</ref> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
<references/> | <references/> | ||
[[Category:Mourning]] | [[Category:Mourning]] | ||
