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Laws and Customs of a Funeral: Difference between revisions
From Halachipedia
→Putting up a Tombstone
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# Some have the minhag not to put up the tombstone until after 12 months from the death of the relative because a person's memory of the deceased weakens after 12 months and the tombstone is to be a commemoration of the deceased.<Ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8 provides two reasons for the minhag not to set up a tombstone until after 12 months. First, during the first twelve months the relatives are filled with sadness and putting up the tombstone is happy. Second, only after 12 months is it necessary to set up a tombstone to remember the deceased.</ref> | # Some have the minhag not to put up the tombstone until after 12 months from the death of the relative because a person's memory of the deceased weakens after 12 months and the tombstone is to be a commemoration of the deceased.<Ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8 provides two reasons for the minhag not to set up a tombstone until after 12 months. First, during the first twelve months the relatives are filled with sadness and putting up the tombstone is happy. Second, only after 12 months is it necessary to set up a tombstone to remember the deceased.</ref> | ||
# Reading the writing on a tombstone causes one to forget.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8</ref> | # Reading the writing on a tombstone causes one to forget.<ref>Eliya Rabba 224:8</ref> | ||
# Some poskim hold that it is forbidden to sit or walk on a grave. It is proper not to walk on the graves unless it is impossible to avoid it and it is temporary. One should not sit on the tombstone of a grave. <ref>The Hagahot Ashuri (Moed Katan 3:79) quotes the Or Zaruah who held that it was forbidden to sit on the tombstone or walk on top of a grave since the grave and everything made in honor of the deceased are forbidden to benefit from. The Tur 364:1 quotes the Rosh as permitting sitting on the tombstone since it isn't part of the grave. The Bet Yosef writes that we hold like the Rosh. The Rama 364:1 cites both opinions. Pitchei Teshuva 364:2 cites the Yad Eliyahu who concludes that for a mitzvah it is permitted to walk on top of a grave but not to sit on a tombstone. The Taz 364:1 learns that walking on a grave quickly to get somewhere is permitted. Aruch Hashulchan 364:11 permits walking on top of a grave even if it is forbidden from benefit unless it is done in a very disgraceful manner. Chazon Ovadia (v. 1 p. 436) writes that it is proper to avoid walking on a grave unless it is impossible to avoid and it is temporary.</ref> | |||
==Practices after the Funeral== | ==Practices after the Funeral== | ||
