Kibud Av V'Em: Difference between revisions
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===Standing for One's Parents=== | ===Standing for One's Parents=== | ||
#One must stand before one's mother and father<ref name=":0">Gemara [[Kiddushin]] 31b records Rav Yosef's practice to stand for his mother. Rambam Mamrim 6:3 writes that there is an obligation to stand for one's parents. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7 | #One must stand before one's mother and father<ref name=":0">Gemara [[Kiddushin]] 31b records Rav Yosef's practice to stand for his mother. Rambam Mamrim 6:3 writes that there is an obligation to stand for one's parents. This is codified one Shulchan Aruch YD 240:7 and Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7</ref> unless they forgo this honor.<ref>Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7</ref> | ||
#One should stand for one's parent once he enters one's eyesight.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7, Chiddushei Rav Chaim HaLevi (Talmud Torah 5:1)</ref> | #One should stand for one's parent once he enters one's eyesight.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7, Chiddushei Rav Chaim HaLevi (Talmud Torah 5:1)</ref> | ||
#According to Ashkenazim one only needs to stand once a day and once a night.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7</ref> According to Sephardim, one should stand every time a parent enters the room even if it is a hundred times a day.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD ch. 4 n. 8)</ref> | #According to Ashkenazim one only needs to stand once a day and once a night.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7</ref> According to Sephardim, one should stand every time a parent enters the room even if it is a hundred times a day.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD ch. 4 n. 8)</ref> | ||
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#It is forbidden to call your parents by their name.<ref>Mar Bar Rav Ashi wouldn't call his father by his name and instead would say my father my master. Rambam (Hilchot Mamrim 6:3) rules that it is forbidden to call one's father by his personal name. Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2 codifies this as halacha.</ref> This applies when they're alive as well as after they pass away.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2</ref> It is forbidden even not in their presence.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD 240, Morah Av Vem 5:59)</ref> | #It is forbidden to call your parents by their name.<ref>Mar Bar Rav Ashi wouldn't call his father by his name and instead would say my father my master. Rambam (Hilchot Mamrim 6:3) rules that it is forbidden to call one's father by his personal name. Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2 codifies this as halacha.</ref> This applies when they're alive as well as after they pass away.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2</ref> It is forbidden even not in their presence.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD 240, Morah Av Vem 5:59)</ref> | ||
# It is permitted to call one's parents by their name if one introduces it with an honorific title like "My father my master". When one speaks to one's parent directly one should call them "father" and "mother" or the like.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD 240, Morah Av Vem 5:59)</ref> | # It is permitted to call one's parents by their name if one introduces it with an honorific title like "My father my master". When one speaks to one's parent directly one should call them "father" and "mother" or the like.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD 240, Morah Av Vem 5:59)</ref> | ||
# If someone is being called up to the Torah and the Gabbay asks for his father's name he should say your name then "בן רבי" (English "ben rebbe"; trans. "the son of my teacher...") and then your father's name. This is permitted since one introduced one's father with an honorific. Unfortunately this isn't a well known halacha and as such the Gabbay should prompt the one getting the Aliyah to give him his name and say Rebbe before his father's name.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva YD 240:2, Kibud Av V'em Vmoram (R' Efraim Oved, 6:7 p. 41). R' Oved explains that the Eretz Tzvi 97 allows introducing one's father's name with "my father" based on the Gra and Pri Chadash. However, the Ben Ish Chai Shoftim n. 4 implies that it is forbidden to say but permitted to write. Ura Kevodi p. 145 cites Chut Shani p. 279 and Igrot Moshe YD 1:133 who also hold that before telling the Gabbay the name of one's father one should say Rebbe as an honor. Rav Elyashiv (Mevakshei Torah 5:24:194) held that since it is in public he should say a significant honorific such as "my father my master rebbe" before the name. | # If someone is being called up to the Torah and the Gabbay asks for his father's name he should say your name then "בן רבי" (English "ben rebbe"; trans. "the son of my teacher...") and then your father's name. This is permitted since one introduced one's father with an honorific. Unfortunately, this isn't a well known halacha and as such the Gabbay should prompt the one getting the Aliyah to give him his name and say Rebbe before his father's name.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva YD 240:2, Kibud Av V'em Vmoram (R' Efraim Oved, 6:7 p. 41). R' Oved explains that the Eretz Tzvi 97 allows introducing one's father's name with "my father" based on the Gra and Pri Chadash. However, the Ben Ish Chai Shoftim n. 4 implies that it is forbidden to say but permitted to write. Ura Kevodi p. 145 cites Chut Shani p. 279 and Igrot Moshe YD 1:133 who also hold that before telling the Gabbay the name of one's father one should say Rebbe as an honor. Rav Elyashiv (Mevakshei Torah 5:24:194) held that since it is in public he should say a significant honorific such as "my father my master rebbe" before the name.</ref> Sephardic poskim are lenient since the language "the son of" is like an honorific.<ref>Kibud Av V'em Vmoram (R' Efraim Oved, 6:7 p. 41) quotes Yabia Omer YD 15:5 and Yafeh Lelev YD 3:10 as allowing saying one's father's name if one says his name "the son of" which in it of itself is like an introduction of honor.</ref> | ||
#One may not call one's friends by the name of one's father but rather should call them by a nickname. If one's parent's name is common one may call one's friend by that name not in front of one's parent.<ref>Rambam Mamrim 6:3, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2</ref> | #One may not call one's friends by the name of one's father but rather should call them by a nickname. If one's parent's name is common one may call one's friend by that name not in front of one's parent.<ref>Rambam Mamrim 6:3, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 240:2</ref> | ||
#If one's parent foregoes this honor, one may address them by their name, yet there is still a mitzvah not to call them by their name. If one uses a term of honor such as Mom or Dad one may call them by their name.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 1:133</ref> | #If one's parent foregoes this honor, one may address them by their name, yet there is still a mitzvah not to call them by their name. If one uses a term of honor such as Mom or Dad one may call them by their name.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 1:133</ref> | ||
