30
edits
Kibud Av V'Em: Difference between revisions
From Halachipedia
→If One's Parents Passed Away
| Line 17: | Line 17: | ||
#If one's parents tell them to violate a Biblical or even a rabbinic prohibition, one shouldn't listen.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:11</ref> | #If one's parents tell them to violate a Biblical or even a rabbinic prohibition, one shouldn't listen.<ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:11</ref> | ||
#If one's parents objects to one doing a specific chumra, technically one doesn't have to listen to one's parents since that isn't included in Kibbud Av Vem.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kibbud Av Vem p. 423). He cites the Agudat Ezov YD 16 who writes about a case where a parent asks a child not to keep [[yashan]] because he is afraid that doing so will cause him to be unhealthy and malnourished. He writes that it isn't necessary to listen since it doesn't directly affect the parents. Nonetheless, it is proper to be strict regarding Kibbud Av Vem and listen to them. He also cites the Meishivat Nefesh 16 who writes that if the father is commanding him because he wants him not to be strict then one doesn't have to listen. But if he has another reason such as he is pained by the fact that the child is in pain then he has to listen. Lastly, he cites Beer Moshe 1:61:2 that if the chumra has a basis in gemara then he doesn't have to listen to his parents, but it doesn't then he must listen to them.</ref> However, if it causes them pain then it isn't advised to disobey their wishes and doing so is spiritually worse than keeping that pious practice.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kibbud Av Vem p. 423), Teshuvot Vehanhagot 1:526. As a precedent the Teshuvot Vehanhagot records that the Arizal's practice was to go to mikveh each day but when his mother asked him not to go in the winter for his health he listened. Another precedent of this can be seen in the Sefer Chasidim 340 who writes that a person shouldn't fast a non-obligatory fast if it causes pain to one's parents. This is cited by the Ben Ish Chai Shoftim 25 and Yalkut Yosef Kibud Av Vem p. 425. See also Igrot Moshe YD 4:24:1 who writes that if someone is strict about something and his parents aren't but really the halacha is to permit it, then he can be lenient when he is with his parents such as to eat with them something that otherwise he wouldn't eat.</ref> | #If one's parents objects to one doing a specific chumra, technically one doesn't have to listen to one's parents since that isn't included in Kibbud Av Vem.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kibbud Av Vem p. 423). He cites the Agudat Ezov YD 16 who writes about a case where a parent asks a child not to keep [[yashan]] because he is afraid that doing so will cause him to be unhealthy and malnourished. He writes that it isn't necessary to listen since it doesn't directly affect the parents. Nonetheless, it is proper to be strict regarding Kibbud Av Vem and listen to them. He also cites the Meishivat Nefesh 16 who writes that if the father is commanding him because he wants him not to be strict then one doesn't have to listen. But if he has another reason such as he is pained by the fact that the child is in pain then he has to listen. Lastly, he cites Beer Moshe 1:61:2 that if the chumra has a basis in gemara then he doesn't have to listen to his parents, but it doesn't then he must listen to them.</ref> However, if it causes them pain then it isn't advised to disobey their wishes and doing so is spiritually worse than keeping that pious practice.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Kibbud Av Vem p. 423), Teshuvot Vehanhagot 1:526. As a precedent the Teshuvot Vehanhagot records that the Arizal's practice was to go to mikveh each day but when his mother asked him not to go in the winter for his health he listened. Another precedent of this can be seen in the Sefer Chasidim 340 who writes that a person shouldn't fast a non-obligatory fast if it causes pain to one's parents. This is cited by the Ben Ish Chai Shoftim 25 and Yalkut Yosef Kibud Av Vem p. 425. See also Igrot Moshe YD 4:24:1 who writes that if someone is strict about something and his parents aren't but really the halacha is to permit it, then he can be lenient when he is with his parents such as to eat with them something that otherwise he wouldn't eat.</ref> | ||
===Standing for One's Parents=== | ===Standing for One's Parents=== | ||
#One must stand before one's mother and father<ref>Gemara [[Kiddushin]] 31b records Rav Yosef's practice to stand for his mother. Rambam Mamrim 6:3 writes that there is an obligation to stand for one's parents. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7 codifies this halacha.</ref> unless they forgo this honor.<ref>Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7</ref> | #One must stand before one's mother and father<ref name=":0">Gemara [[Kiddushin]] 31b records Rav Yosef's practice to stand for his mother. Rambam Mamrim 6:3 writes that there is an obligation to stand for one's parents. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7 codifies this halacha.</ref> unless they forgo this honor.<ref>Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 143:7</ref> | ||
#One should stand for one's parent once he enters one's eyesight.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7, Chiddushei Rav Chaim HaLevi (Talmud Torah 5:1)</ref> | #One should stand for one's parent once he enters one's eyesight.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7, Chiddushei Rav Chaim HaLevi (Talmud Torah 5:1)</ref> | ||
#According to Ashkenazim one only needs to stand once a day and once a night.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7</ref> According to Sephardim, one should stand every time a parent enters the room even if it is a hundred times a day.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD ch. 4 n. 8)</ref> | #According to Ashkenazim one only needs to stand once a day and once a night.<ref>Chaye Adam 67:7</ref> According to Sephardim, one should stand every time a parent enters the room even if it is a hundred times a day.<ref>Yalkut Yosef (YD ch. 4 n. 8)</ref> | ||
| Line 69: | Line 70: | ||
#If one lost his parents, he can still perform some acts of kibbud after their death, He should also respect older people, rabbis, and older siblings in the manner that he would have respected his parents. <ref>Yalkut Yosef Kibbud Va'em pg. 65 </ref> | #If one lost his parents, he can still perform some acts of kibbud after their death, He should also respect older people, rabbis, and older siblings in the manner that he would have respected his parents. <ref>Yalkut Yosef Kibbud Va'em pg. 65 </ref> | ||
#The Gamara in [https://www.sefaria.org/Kiddushin.31b.11?lang=bi&with=all&lang2=en Kiddushin] asks "?במותו כיצד"— "How can one honor his father in his death?"—and answers that if the son heard something that his father had said, he should not claim, "כך אמר אבא" —"So said father."—but rather, the son should proclaim, "כך אמר אבא מרי הריני כפרת משכבו"—"So said father, my teacher. May I be an atonement for his soul." The Gamara there explains that this applies within one year after his death. After that time, the son may say "זכרונו לברכה לחיי העולם הבא"—"Blessed is his memory for the Life of the World to Come." <ref name=":0" /> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
<references /> | <references /> | ||
[[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]] | [[Category:Between Man And His Fellow]] | ||
