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Hurting Others' Feelings: Difference between revisions
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==Definition and Source== | ==Definition and Source== | ||
# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only | # Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only be momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref> | ||
==Who is Obligated?== | ==Who is Obligated?== | ||
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# It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref> | # It is prohibited to give rebuke to another person if it cannot be done without embarrassing, insulting or hurting his feelings. <ref> Gemara in Erchin 16b, Rambam Hilchos Dayos 6:8. Rav Chaim Volozhin writes in Keter Rosh 143 that someone who cannot rebuke gently without hurting someone's feelings is exempt from the mitzva to give rebuke. </ref> | ||
===Public Areas=== | ===Public Areas=== | ||
# It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under Onaat Devarim because | # It is forbidden to wake somebody up unless they either want to be woken up or it is for the fulfillment of a mitzva and it is also forbidden to make a lot of noise thereby preventing somebody from falling asleep. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. This is included under Onaat Devarim because it includes refraining from causing others anger or pain, including stealing their sleep. </ref> | ||
# It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref> | # It is forbidden to cut lines in a public area, even with the permission of the person at the front, since one has caused pain to every person who was previously closer to the front. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87. </ref> | ||
# It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others. | # It is forbidden to emit a foul body odor <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Sanhedrin 11a. </ref> or to scratch one’s wounds <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 87 based on gemara Kiddushin 81 </ref> in the presence of others. | ||
