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Hurting Others' Feelings: Difference between revisions
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==Definition and Source== | ==Definition and Source== | ||
# Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only me momentary </ref> | # Onaat Devarim is the prohibition to say anything that would pain, anger, hurt, frighten, bother or embarrass another person. <ref> The gemara in Bava Metzia 58b derives this prohibition from the pasuk in Vayikra 25:17 וְלֹא תוֹנוּ אִישׁ אֶת עֲמִיתוֹ וְיָרֵאתָ מֵאֱלֹהֶיךָ כִּי אֲנִי יְקֹוָק אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, "one shall not aggrieve his fellow, and you shall fear your G-d, for I am Hashem your G-d." This is brought down as halacha by the S"A Choshen Mishpat 228:1. The gemara and S"A there say that this is worse than onaat mamon (overcharging) because 1. it cannot be undone and 2. it injures the person himself, not just his money. Rambam in Hilchot Deot 6:3 and Hilchot Teshuva 3:14 writes that one who regularly shames others has no portion in the World to Come. Chazon Ish Letters volume 1 #211 says that this prohibition applies even if the discomfort will only me momentary. This mitzvah is included in the 365 prohibitions in Sefer hamitzvot 251 and Sefer Hachinuch 338. </ref> | ||
==Who is Obligated?== | ==Who is Obligated?== | ||
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==Specific Applications== | ==Specific Applications== | ||
===Negative Reminders=== | ===Negative Reminders=== | ||
# It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> | # It is prohibited to remind someone of his previous sins, or that he never used to be religious, or that he is a convert. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on the Mishnah and the Gemara Bava Metzia 58b, Rambam mishne Torah hilchot yeshiva 7:8. </ref> | ||
# It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref> | # It is prohibited to remind someone of his wounds or of his ugly appearance. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Taanit 20. </ref> | ||
# It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Berachot 5a </ref> | # It is prohibited to inform someone that his afflictions came to him because of his sins. <ref> Shulchan Aruch 428:4, based on Bava Metzia 58b. </ref> Nonetheless, it is permitted, and is even a mitzvah, to softly allude to this possibility if one’s goal is to inspire him to repent. <ref> Mishpatei Hashalom page 88 based on Berachot 5a </ref> | ||
