Having Children: Difference between revisions

# There is a mitzvah of oneh (Heb. עונה; lit. time) for a husband to fulfill his wife's needs in terms of tashmish. There are certain guidelines of how often he is obligated to attend to those needs.<ref>Ketubot 47b, Rambam Ishut 12:2, Shulchan Aruch E.H. 69:2</ref> Beyond that, anytime when she is interested he is obligated to gladden his wife.<ref>Gemara Pesachim 72b introduces that beyond the mitzvah of oneh there is a mitzvah to gladden his wife. Rashi s.v. lismoch who explains that this mitzvah applies when his wife is interested. Nishmat Adam (Shabbat 147:1) codifies this mitzvah in another context. Birkat Eliyahu (on Gra last volume Kuntres Toeh Bdvar Mitzvah p. 7) wonders why the poskim didn't codify this mitzvah. See Mesivta Pesachim 72b cites the Rivan who thinks that this is only rabbinic, while the Raavad (Shaar Hakedusha s.v. vhashlishit) thinks it is biblical. Rav Chaim Ozer in Achiezer 3:83 that dispute.</ref>

==Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) and Invitro Fertilization (IVF)==

#Most poskim hold that it is permitted for a couple to do IUI or IVF,<ref>

* Is it permitted? Bitul Zera: [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=963&st=&pgnum=150 Yaskil Avdi EH 5:10:1:4] writes that it is forbidden to do IUI or IVF because of bitul zera. Even if the child is considered their child and fulfills pru urevu, it is still forbidden. He thinks that bitul zera is not related to her becoming pregnant. It is only permitted to emit zera in the act of tashmish with his wife in the place where Hashem allowed it.  

* Igrot Moshe EH 1:71 and 2:18 writes that it is permitted to do IUI or IVF for a couple that can’t have children naturally. It isn’t considered bitul zera levatala since there is a purpose in emitting zera (similar to Maharsham). Minchat Shlomo 2:124:2 agrees. However, Rav Moshe writes that they should have zera come out into a condom or into a cup during tashmish. If his wife is a niddah or he's single he should have zera come out by following the suggestions of Chazal in Yevamot 76.</ref> the child is considered their child,<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:10 rules like the Bet Shmuel.</ref> and the father fulfills Pru Urevu.<ref>The Chelkat Mechokek ponders whether a man whose zera came out into a bath and impregnated his wife fulfills pru urevu and the child is his child. Rabbenu Peretz writes that if a woman slept on the sheets with her husband's zera and became pregnant from that zera the child would be kosher. The child is not considered a ben haniddah since there was no prohibited biya. However, with zera of another man a woman should be careful because it could lead a brother to marry a sister unknowingly. His proof is from Ben Sira who was a child of Yirmiyahu's zera that impregnated his wife while she was in the bath according to Ben Sira. Rabbenu Peretz implies that the genetic father is the father even though there was no biya. Bet Shmuel quotes this proof and concludes that the father whose zera impregnated his wife while she was in the bath is considered the father and fulfills pru urevu. Tashbetz 3:263 is also of this opinion. </ref> However, many poskim only allowed it after ten years of being married.<ref>Maharsham 3:268, Minchat Yitzchak 1:50, Yabia Omer EH 2:1:10</ref>  

##Some poskim hold that a person doesn't fulfill pru urevu but does fulfill another rabbinic mitzvah of ''shevet''.<ref>Minchat Shlomo 2:124:4</ref>

#The poskim forbid a woman from getting sperm donation from Jewish sperm.<ref>[https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=963&st=&pgnum=151 Yaskil Avdi 5:10:1:6] writes that it is terrible to allow any IVF because they might come to allow a sperm donation from someone other than her husband.

#After the fact, a sperm donation from another man into a married woman does not make the woman forbidden to her husband. Some poskim hold that the child is not a mamzer and if it is a girl can even marry a kohen,<ref>If there was IUI of sperm from someone other than her husband, Igrot Moshe EH 1:10 wrote that the child is not a mamzer because there was no cohabitation that was forbidden. Also, the child if it is a girl could even marry a kohen if the sperm is from a non-Jew since there was no prohibited cohabitation. Also, the Rif holds that even a child of a non-Jewish father and Jewish mother can marry a kohen. Even though we don’t usually follow the Rif here we could because of the first reason.</ref> while others hold that the child is a mamzer.<ref>Minchat Shlomo 2:124:1. His reasoning is that mamzerut doesn't depend on a forbidden cohabitation. It depends on the mixture of the genetic material of a forbidden relationship. He admits that Rabbenu Peretz is a clear proof that the child is not a mamzer but perhaps halacha doesn't follow Rabbenu Peretz. [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=20339&st=&pgnum=10 Divrei Yoel EH 2:107:4-5] agrees and even suggests that it is considered giyluy ervah. He considers the opinion of Igrot Moshe who understood from Rabbenu Peretz that the child is not a mamzer a mistake.</ref> Some hold that her and her husband need to separate while she's pregnant and for another 24 months.<reF>Yabia Omer EH 2:1:9</ref>

# There is a major question if doing IUI or IVF is permitted when a woman is still a niddah.<ref>Maharsham 3:268 forbids doing IUI while she's a niddah. Even though from Rabbenu Peretz (cited by Bach 195:5) it seems like there would be no impact on the child, he is unwilling to be lenient. Also, see Shiltei Giborim Shevuot 2a who quotes Maharam who disagrees. Yabia Omer 2:1:10 also quotes Birkei Yosef in name of Rav Shlomo of London who was also strict. Shevet Halevi 4:97 and 6:203 agrees with the Maharsham and forbids IUI while she's pregnant.  

* Minchat Yitzchak 1:50 suggests that she go to mikveh before the procedure even if it is only 7 days after she became a niddah and is not permitted to her husband until after she goes to mikveh after shiva nekiyim.