Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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→Intimate Speech
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#During this period, a couple must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted. | #During this period, a couple must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted. | ||
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#A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, because this is not considered intimate speech.<ref>Responsa Be'er Moshe ( | #A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, because this is not considered intimate speech.<ref>Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 155). See The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 39 with footnote 65) who exemplifies statements included in this category: "The food tastes great" or "This dress looks very nice on you". </ref> The same applies to speech normally used to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home.<ref>Nitei Gavriel (Niddah 33:4) quoting Chazon Ish </ref> | ||
#Presenting a gift to the other during this time is permitted, provided this gesture not lead them to act intimate or touch.<ref>Tahrat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 109), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 38)</ref> | #Presenting a gift to the other during this time is permitted, provided this gesture not lead them to act intimate or touch.<ref>Tahrat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 109), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 38)</ref> | ||
#Reading a book together is permitted, provided that they are cautious not to touch one another.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 108)</ref> | #Reading a book together is permitted, provided that they are cautious not to touch one another.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 108)</ref> | ||
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#According to some authorities, this requirement for a reminder is not needed if they are eating with other adults, or with children whom are old enough to be embarrassed by intimate behavior.<ref>Masat Binyamin (112, quoted by the Pitchei Teshuva 195:3) considers the presence of others as a heker. Shiurei Bracha (195:11), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), Darkei Tahara (pg. 44) rule this way as well. Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877146/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-125-eating-at-the-same-table/ Niddah Shiur 125]) is lenient regarding this as well. | #According to some authorities, this requirement for a reminder is not needed if they are eating with other adults, or with children whom are old enough to be embarrassed by intimate behavior.<ref>Masat Binyamin (112, quoted by the Pitchei Teshuva 195:3) considers the presence of others as a heker. Shiurei Bracha (195:11), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), Darkei Tahara (pg. 44) rule this way as well. Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877146/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-125-eating-at-the-same-table/ Niddah Shiur 125]) is lenient regarding this as well. | ||
Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<ref>Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref> | Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<ref>Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref> | ||
#According to some authorities, if they are sitting just to drink or to eat a small snack, a heker is not required.<ref>[[Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 18, no. 23)]], The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)</ref> | #According to some authorities, if they are sitting just to drink or to eat a small snack, a heker is not required.<ref>[[Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 18, no. 23)]], The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)</ref> | ||
#A sefer or siddur should not be used as a reminder as this is irreverent usage of Holy Books. (See [[Respecting Holy Books]]).<ref>Ohel Yakov Kavod U'Kedushat Sefarim (pg. 1) quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky</ref> | #A sefer or siddur should not be used as a reminder as this is irreverent usage of Holy Books. (See [[Respecting Holy Books]]).<ref>Ohel Yakov Kavod U'Kedushat Sefarim (pg. 1) quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky</ref> | ||
