Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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== | ==Harchakot of Eating and Food == | ||
===Eating at the Same Table=== | |||
#Couples dining suggests intimacy, the Rabbis therefore called for caution in such an intimate setting, forming the basis for restricting a husband and a wife to eat at the same table without a physical reminder of the niddah status, often called a heker. Examples of such reminders include: placing an object or food item on the table that is not normally kept there and will not be used during the meal<ref>Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Taharat Habayit (vol. 1, pg. 119). See also The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33) | |||
*The Mishna Shabbat 11b establishes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a zavah so that they don't come to sin. | |||
*The Rambam writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat on the same place as his wife when she is a niddah. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) argues that it is forbidden even on the same table. Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3 follow the Raavad. | |||
*Does Heker Work? The Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a niddah even if there is something unusual on the table to remind them. He writes that the rabbis of Narvona agreed with him. The Hagahot Mordechai (Shabbat no. 452) cites this opinion. The Gra YD 195:8 and 88:2 discusses these opinions and their proof from Shabbat 13a. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) holds that it is permitted for a husband to eat at the same table with a niddah as long as there is something to remind them such as only one eating on the tablecloth. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Torat Habayit 3b]), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:3 agree. See the Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3) who allows using something unusual only if there's no other table available. | |||
*What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.</ref>, separate placemats (if they do not regularly do so) and the changing of seats if if they have fixed places at the table.<ref>The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) rules that it is permitted to eat at the same table while seated different from where they typically sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 119) hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. See Badei Hashulchan (195:37) however who writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency.</ref> Sitting far apart from each other on a long table also serves as a sufficient reminder.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nachson, pg. 33)</ref> | |||
#According to some authorities, this requirement for a reminder is not needed if they are eating with other adults, or with children whom are old enough to be embarrassed by intimate behavior.<ref>Masat Binyamin (112, quoted by the Pitchei Teshuva 195:3) considers the presence of others as a heker. Shiurei Bracha (195:11), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), Darkei Tahara (pg. 44) rule this way as well. Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877146/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-125-eating-at-the-same-table/ Niddah Shiur 125]) is lenient regarding this as well. | |||
Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<ref>Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref> | |||
#It isn't respectful to use sefer as a heker.<ref>Rav Chaim Kanievsky quoted by Ohel Yakov Kavod Ukedushat Sefarim p. 1</ref> | |||
===Eating from Same Utensils=== | ===Eating from Same Utensils=== | ||
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#It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.<ref>Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.</ref> | #It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.<ref>Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.</ref> | ||
=== | ===Each Other's Leftovers=== | ||
#A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness.<ref>Shulchan Aruch 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19 </ref> This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over.<ref>Rama 195:4 writes that she is permitted to drink his leftovers. Shach 195:5 explains that there's no concern for a wife to drink his leftovers since she's not going to instigate an aveirah with him. Taharat Yosef 3:20 agrees.</ref> | #A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness.<ref>Shulchan Aruch 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19 </ref> This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over.<ref>Rama 195:4 writes that she is permitted to drink his leftovers. Shach 195:5 explains that there's no concern for a wife to drink his leftovers since she's not going to instigate an aveirah with him. Taharat Yosef 3:20 agrees.</ref> | ||
