Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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==Basic Laws== | ==Basic Laws== | ||
# A man is required to separate from his wife during the time she is a niddah until she has a hefsek taharah, counts seven clean days and dips in a kosher mikveh. <Ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:1 </ref> | # A man is required to separate from his wife during the time she is a niddah until she has a hefsek taharah, counts seven clean days and dips in a kosher mikveh. <Ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:1 </ref> | ||
# This prohibition remains even if many years have passed since she became a niddah. It remains until she has a hefsek taharah, counts seven clean days, and dips in a kosher mikveh. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2. | # This prohibition remains even if many years have passed since she became a niddah. It remains until she has a hefsek taharah, counts seven clean days, and dips in a kosher mikveh.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2. | ||
* Tosfot Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey points out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it sounds like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also implies like rashi. However, Tosfot argues that this is totally incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=345 Torat Habayit 4a]), Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Baalei Hanefesh p. 10]), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. The Rashba even argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice but that it isn't proper to do so. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.</ref> | * Tosfot Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey points out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it sounds like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also implies like rashi. However, Tosfot argues that this is totally incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=345 Torat Habayit 4a]), Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Baalei Hanefesh p. 10]), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. The Rashba even argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice but that it isn't proper to do so. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.</ref> | ||
# Because of the seriousness of separating from one's wife while she is a Nidda, Chazal enacted several fences to help the couple avoid situations that might bring them to transgress the prohibition of physical endearment during this period.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:3 </ref> | # Because of the seriousness of separating from one's wife while she is a Nidda, Chazal enacted several fences to help the couple avoid situations that might bring them to transgress the prohibition of physical endearment during this period.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:3 </ref> | ||
==Touching== | ==Touching== | ||
# According to the opinion of many Rishonim, among them Maran HaShulchan Aruch, contact between a man and his wife who is a niddah is a biblical violation. Due to this fact, the Rabbis instituted many safeguards to prevent this. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96</ref> | # According to the opinion of many Rishonim, among them Maran HaShulchan Aruch, contact between a man and his wife who is a niddah is a biblical violation. Due to this fact, the Rabbis instituted many safeguards to prevent this.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96</ref> | ||
# It is forbidden for a man to touch his wife who is a niddah even in a slight way and even not in an affectionate way.<ref>The Gemara Shabbat 13b indicates from a conversation with Eliyahu Hanavi that it is forbidden for a man to touch his wife even in the slightest way when she is a niddah. | # It is forbidden for a man to touch his wife who is a niddah even in a slight way and even not in an affectionate way.<ref>The Gemara Shabbat 13b indicates from a conversation with Eliyahu Hanavi that it is forbidden for a man to touch his wife even in the slightest way when she is a niddah. | ||
See the Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah 1:360 who permit a man to touch his wife when she is a niddah in a non-affectionate way. All other rishonim reject this opinion. These rishonim include the Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=347 Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a]), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Shulchan Aruch 195:2, therefore, forbids touching even not in an affectionate way. </ref> He may not even touch her clothing, nor she his, even if the clothing hangs loosely off the body and the person will not feel the touch. They should be also be careful that the clothing of one does not touch the clothing of the other. <ref> Aruch Hashulchan 195:5, Badei Hashulchan 195:15, Torat HaTaharah p. 97, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> | See the Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah 1:360 who permit a man to touch his wife when she is a niddah in a non-affectionate way. All other rishonim reject this opinion. These rishonim include the Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=347 Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a]), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Shulchan Aruch 195:2, therefore, forbids touching even not in an affectionate way. </ref> He may not even touch her clothing, nor she his, even if the clothing hangs loosely off the body and the person will not feel the touch. They should be also be careful that the clothing of one does not touch the clothing of the other.<ref> Aruch Hashulchan 195:5, Badei Hashulchan 195:15, Torat HaTaharah p. 97, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> | ||
# A husband and wife are permitted to touch each other's clothing when the wife is a niddah while the clothes are not being worn by the spouse. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> Similarly they are allowed to touch each other's bedding while their spouse is not lying on it. This applies even if the clothes or sheets are stained. A man is also permitted to remove his wife's sheet from her bed and put it on his own bed, even if the sheet is stained, as long as the sheet is not designated specifically for her use. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98</ref> | # A husband and wife are permitted to touch each other's clothing when the wife is a niddah while the clothes are not being worn by the spouse.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> Similarly they are allowed to touch each other's bedding while their spouse is not lying on it. This applies even if the clothes or sheets are stained. A man is also permitted to remove his wife's sheet from her bed and put it on his own bed, even if the sheet is stained, as long as the sheet is not designated specifically for her use.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98</ref> | ||
==Intimate Speech== | ==Intimate Speech== | ||
# One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97. | # One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97. | ||
* The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref> | * The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref> | ||
# Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.<Ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah is forbidden. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.</ref> | # Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.<Ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah is forbidden. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.</ref> | ||
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==Seclusion== | ==Seclusion== | ||
# A man is permitted to be alone ([[yichud]]) in a room or house with his wife when she is a niddah. However, a man may not have [[yichud]] with any other woman, married or single.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:4 </ref> | # A man is permitted to be alone ([[yichud]]) in a room or house with his wife when she is a niddah. However, a man may not have [[yichud]] with any other woman, married or single.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:4 </ref> | ||
# If a bride is a niddah at her wedding, the bride and groom may not be alone together. The couple must have a constant chaperone. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97</ref> Due to the sensitive nature of such situations and the severity of any misconduct, a competent Rabbi should be consulted for instruction. | # If a bride is a niddah at her wedding, the bride and groom may not be alone together. The couple must have a constant chaperone.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97</ref> Due to the sensitive nature of such situations and the severity of any misconduct, a competent Rabbi should be consulted for instruction. | ||
==Using the Same Utensils== | ==Using the Same Utensils== | ||
===Eating from Same Utensils=== | ===Eating from Same Utensils=== | ||
# It is forbidden for husband and wife to eat from the same plate or bowl.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:6:1 </ref> | # It is forbidden for husband and wife to eat from the same plate or bowl.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:6:1 </ref> | ||
# Regarding eating from the same serving plate: if it is a food that one places the food on his own plate before eating (such as rice, meat, or salad), it would be permissible. If one puts the food directly into his mouth from the serving plate (such as nuts, seeds etc.), it would be forbidden to share that. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:18</ref> | # Regarding eating from the same serving plate: if it is a food that one places the food on his own plate before eating (such as rice, meat, or salad), it would be permissible. If one puts the food directly into his mouth from the serving plate (such as nuts, seeds etc.), it would be forbidden to share that.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:18</ref> | ||
# It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.<ref>Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.</ref> | # It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.<ref>Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.</ref> | ||
===Eating at the Table Together=== | ===Eating at the Table Together=== | ||
# The husband and wife may eat on the same table if they make a sign between them to remind them that she is a niddah. They should place an item that normally isn't on the table between the two of them. <ref> Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3, Taharat Yosef 3:16:2. | # The husband and wife may eat on the same table if they make a sign between them to remind them that she is a niddah. They should place an item that normally isn't on the table between the two of them.<ref> Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3, Taharat Yosef 3:16:2. | ||
* The Mishna Shabbat 11b establishes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a zavah so that they don't come to sin. | * The Mishna Shabbat 11b establishes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a zavah so that they don't come to sin. | ||
* The Rambam writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat on the same place as his wife when she is a niddah. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) argues that it is forbidden even on the same table. Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3 follows the Raavad. | * The Rambam writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat on the same place as his wife when she is a niddah. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) argues that it is forbidden even on the same table. Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3 follows the Raavad. | ||
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## If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:4</ref> | ## If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:4</ref> | ||
## If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:5 </ref> | ## If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:5 </ref> | ||
## If the wife leaves the room, the husband can drink what remains in the cup since he is not drinking in front of her. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:6 </ref> | ## If the wife leaves the room, the husband can drink what remains in the cup since he is not drinking in front of her.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:6 </ref> | ||
# According to Sephardim, if a woman drank from a cup and left over part of it and they refilled it it would be permissible for the man to drink.<ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 123, Taharat Yosef 3:19:2 </ref> Ashkenazim don't accept this leniency.<Ref>Shach 195:9 writes that even though they refilled it, nonetheless, the leftovers are still there and forbidden for him to drink. Badei Hashulchan 195:59 agrees.</ref> | # According to Sephardim, if a woman drank from a cup and left over part of it and they refilled it it would be permissible for the man to drink.<ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 123, Taharat Yosef 3:19:2 </ref> Ashkenazim don't accept this leniency.<Ref>Shach 195:9 writes that even though they refilled it, nonetheless, the leftovers are still there and forbidden for him to drink. Badei Hashulchan 195:59 agrees.</ref> | ||
# For Sephardim, this prohibition only applies to drink and not food.<ref> The Orchot Chaim quoted by Bet Yosef 195:5 writes that while there is a dispute whether leftover drinks are permitted leftover food is certainly permitted. The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that since it isn't usual to drink from the same cup if a man would drink his wife's leftover drink it would be a sign of endearment. However, since it is normal to eat someone's leftover food it isn't a sign of endearment. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 125 and Taharat Yosef 3:21 agree. </ref> Ashkenazim, however, are strict for food as well.<ref> Rama 195:3, Shach 195:8 </ref> Even for Ashkenazim, if the wife simply tasted the food like for Shabbat, the remaining food would not be called leftovers.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:21 </ref> | # For Sephardim, this prohibition only applies to drink and not food.<ref> The Orchot Chaim quoted by Bet Yosef 195:5 writes that while there is a dispute whether leftover drinks are permitted leftover food is certainly permitted. The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that since it isn't usual to drink from the same cup if a man would drink his wife's leftover drink it would be a sign of endearment. However, since it is normal to eat someone's leftover food it isn't a sign of endearment. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 125 and Taharat Yosef 3:21 agree. </ref> Ashkenazim, however, are strict for food as well.<ref> Rama 195:3, Shach 195:8 </ref> Even for Ashkenazim, if the wife simply tasted the food like for Shabbat, the remaining food would not be called leftovers.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:21 </ref> | ||
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===Other Items=== | ===Other Items=== | ||
# A man is permitted to dry his face and hands with his wife's towel when she is a niddah. He also may use her toothbrush. There is no need to set aside a toothbrush or towel for her exclusive use when she is a niddah. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:6. | # A man is permitted to dry his face and hands with his wife's towel when she is a niddah. He also may use her toothbrush. There is no need to set aside a toothbrush or towel for her exclusive use when she is a niddah.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:6. | ||
However, Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a niddah and her husband to use the same hand towel. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:14 argues that it is permitted.</ref> | However, Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a niddah and her husband to use the same hand towel. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:14 argues that it is permitted.</ref> | ||
# The couple may stand an umbrella together, as long as the umbrella is big enough to allow them both to be under it without touching. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:11 </ref> | # The couple may stand an umbrella together, as long as the umbrella is big enough to allow them both to be under it without touching.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:11 </ref> | ||
# A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | # A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | ||
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==Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah== | ==Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah== | ||
# A man may not pass an item directly to his wife when she is a niddah, nor may he receive an item directly from her, lest they come to touch. In order to pass an object, they must place the item down on a table or chair for the spouse to pick up from there. <ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:7. | # A man may not pass an item directly to his wife when she is a niddah, nor may he receive an item directly from her, lest they come to touch. In order to pass an object, they must place the item down on a table or chair for the spouse to pick up from there.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:7. | ||
* Shitah Mikubeset Ketubot 61 s.v. vekatvu cites Talmidei Rabbenu Yonah who explain that the reason it is forbidden for a man to pass something to his wife (and vice versa) when she is a niddah is because passing an object is like touching. | * Shitah Mikubeset Ketubot 61 s.v. vekatvu cites Talmidei Rabbenu Yonah who explain that the reason it is forbidden for a man to pass something to his wife (and vice versa) when she is a niddah is because passing an object is like touching. | ||
* Tosfot (Ketubot 61a s.v. biymey) writes that Rashi personally was careful not to pass anything to his wife when she was a niddah. | * Tosfot (Ketubot 61a s.v. biymey) writes that Rashi personally was careful not to pass anything to his wife when she was a niddah. | ||
Tosfot rejects any proof from the gemara for the opinion of Rashi. The Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a) and Rosh (Ketubot 5:24) are strict. Shulchan Aruch 195:2 codifies the practice of Rashi.</ref> | Tosfot rejects any proof from the gemara for the opinion of Rashi. The Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a) and Rosh (Ketubot 5:24) are strict. Shulchan Aruch 195:2 codifies the practice of Rashi.</ref> | ||
# Even if the couple are in public and do not want others to know the woman is a niddah, they may not be lenient. They must place the item down and allow the spouse to pick it up, and not pass it directly. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 2:77 writes that a couple may not be lenient on harchakot so that she's not embarrassed because harchakot aren't so embarrassing and also they are part of halacha and we shouldn't be embarrassed to keep halacha. [http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/876990/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-123-passing-things-leniencies-putting-things-in-pocketbook-and-passing-babies/ Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 123, min. 15-20)] disagreed and held that kavod habriyot could be used to permit harchakot in public when it is embarrassing and not in private. </ref> | # Even if the couple are in public and do not want others to know the woman is a niddah, they may not be lenient. They must place the item down and allow the spouse to pick it up, and not pass it directly.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 2:77 writes that a couple may not be lenient on harchakot so that she's not embarrassed because harchakot aren't so embarrassing and also they are part of halacha and we shouldn't be embarrassed to keep halacha. [http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/876990/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-123-passing-things-leniencies-putting-things-in-pocketbook-and-passing-babies/ Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 123, min. 15-20)] disagreed and held that kavod habriyot could be used to permit harchakot in public when it is embarrassing and not in private. </ref> | ||
# One should be strict not to push or carry a large heavy item with one's wife who is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75</ref> | # One should be strict not to push or carry a large heavy item with one's wife who is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75</ref> | ||
# A couple may not even pass a long object, such as a bench to each other when the woman is a niddah. In extenuating circumstances though, there is room for leniency, if they can be sure to avoid touching each other in the process. For example, if a couple lives on a high floor and there is no elevator, and they need to carry a baby stroller up and down stairs, and it cannot be carried by just one of them, the couple may be lenient and have the husband carry the bottom of the stroller and the wife the top, or vice versa, as long as they can be sure they will not touch in doing so. The law is the same with getting a stroller on or off the bus, or other similar situations. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98-99, Taharat Yosef 3:7</ref> | # A couple may not even pass a long object, such as a bench to each other when the woman is a niddah. In extenuating circumstances though, there is room for leniency, if they can be sure to avoid touching each other in the process. For example, if a couple lives on a high floor and there is no elevator, and they need to carry a baby stroller up and down stairs, and it cannot be carried by just one of them, the couple may be lenient and have the husband carry the bottom of the stroller and the wife the top, or vice versa, as long as they can be sure they will not touch in doing so. The law is the same with getting a stroller on or off the bus, or other similar situations.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 98-99, Taharat Yosef 3:7</ref> | ||
# A man is permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah, as long as it is not done in a lightheaded, frivolous, playful manner. One who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy, however. This only applies for Sephardim. For Ashkenazim, the strict ruling is the law, and according to them, a man is not permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah. Even Ashkenazim may be lenient if the man throws the object into the air, and the wife catches it on the way down. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99, Taharat Yosef 3:7:3</ref> | # A man is permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah, as long as it is not done in a lightheaded, frivolous, playful manner. One who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy, however. This only applies for Sephardim. For Ashkenazim, the strict ruling is the law, and according to them, a man is not permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah. Even Ashkenazim may be lenient if the man throws the object into the air, and the wife catches it on the way down.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99, Taharat Yosef 3:7:3</ref> | ||
# During the wedding ceremony, the groom may place the ring on the bride's finger, even if she is a niddah, he does not have to throw it to her. However, it is proper that he be as careful as possible to avoid touching her when giving her the ring. He should place it on the tip of her finger, and allow her to let it slide down her finger. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99</ref> | # During the wedding ceremony, the groom may place the ring on the bride's finger, even if she is a niddah, he does not have to throw it to her. However, it is proper that he be as careful as possible to avoid touching her when giving her the ring. He should place it on the tip of her finger, and allow her to let it slide down her finger.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99</ref> | ||
# At a berit milah (bris or circumcision) if the mother wants to hand the baby to her husband who is the sandakthe person who holds the baby on his lap during the berit), it is the Sephardic custom to be lenient by having the baby placed on top of two pillows. The woman holds the baby by placing her hands underneath the bottom pillow, and the husband takes the baby from her by lifting the top pillow along with the baby, while the bottom pillow remains with the mother. (In this way they avoid touching). This custom has deep roots among the great Sephardic sages and the Ge'onim. The Ashkenazim though, are strict in this matter. A woman who just gave birth may not pass the baby directly to her husband who is the sandak. Rather, another man should take the baby from her and hand him over to the father. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99-100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:4</ref> | # At a berit milah (bris or circumcision) if the mother wants to hand the baby to her husband who is the sandakthe person who holds the baby on his lap during the berit), it is the Sephardic custom to be lenient by having the baby placed on top of two pillows. The woman holds the baby by placing her hands underneath the bottom pillow, and the husband takes the baby from her by lifting the top pillow along with the baby, while the bottom pillow remains with the mother. (In this way they avoid touching). This custom has deep roots among the great Sephardic sages and the Ge'onim. The Ashkenazim though, are strict in this matter. A woman who just gave birth may not pass the baby directly to her husband who is the sandak. Rather, another man should take the baby from her and hand him over to the father.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 99-100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:4</ref> | ||
# When a woman is a niddah, a couple is permitted to pass a child to one another, as long as they will not touch, and as long as the child is able to go from one parent to the other on his own, since he is essentially carrying himself (nos'eh et asmo). However, one who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy. This is for Sephardim. Ashkenazim though, who are strict regarding throwing an object to one another, should be particularly scrupulous in this matter as well. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5</ref> However, even those who are lenient to pass a child when the wife is a niddah, should be strict if the child is extremely small, even if it can go from one to the other by itself (because its size increases the likelihood they will touch). Another case they should be strict is if the child is ill God forbid and too weak to go from one spouse to the other on its own. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> Even when the baby is able to "carry" itself and go from one spouse to the other on its own, the couple should still pass the child to one another only when it is really necessary. For example, if the baby is crying and will suffer if the father does not take him from the mother. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5</ref> | # When a woman is a niddah, a couple is permitted to pass a child to one another, as long as they will not touch, and as long as the child is able to go from one parent to the other on his own, since he is essentially carrying himself (nos'eh et asmo). However, one who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy. This is for Sephardim. Ashkenazim though, who are strict regarding throwing an object to one another, should be particularly scrupulous in this matter as well.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5</ref> However, even those who are lenient to pass a child when the wife is a niddah, should be strict if the child is extremely small, even if it can go from one to the other by itself (because its size increases the likelihood they will touch). Another case they should be strict is if the child is ill God forbid and too weak to go from one spouse to the other on its own.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> Even when the baby is able to "carry" itself and go from one spouse to the other on its own, the couple should still pass the child to one another only when it is really necessary. For example, if the baby is crying and will suffer if the father does not take him from the mother.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5</ref> | ||
# Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | # Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.<ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | ||
# It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | # It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | ||
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# When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref> | # When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref> | ||
## A woman doesn’t need to cover her hair inside her house when just her family is around when she’s a niddah<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref>, others disagree.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:2</ref> | ## A woman doesn’t need to cover her hair inside her house when just her family is around when she’s a niddah<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref>, others disagree.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:2</ref> | ||
# A husband may be present with his wife in the delivery room when his wife is giving birth if his presence helps calm her down but he can't look at his wife when she's actually giving birth. <ref> Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877217/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-126-harchakot-sitting-on-same-bench-taking-trip-together-separation-between-beds-singing-what-she-can-wear-in-private/ Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 52-3]), Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 167, Taharat Yosef 3:38. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:3, however, is strict for the husband to even be present in the room when she's giving birth. </ref> | # A husband may be present with his wife in the delivery room when his wife is giving birth if his presence helps calm her down but he can't look at his wife when she's actually giving birth.<ref> Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877217/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-126-harchakot-sitting-on-same-bench-taking-trip-together-separation-between-beds-singing-what-she-can-wear-in-private/ Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 52-3]), Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 167, Taharat Yosef 3:38. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:3, however, is strict for the husband to even be present in the room when she's giving birth. </ref> | ||
# A man may not look at the clothes of another woman who he knows even if she is not wearing them so that one doesn't come to improper thoughts.<ref>Gemara Avoda Zara 20b, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1</ref> However, he can look at his wife's clothes even when she is a nidda and even if she is wearing them. <ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 166, Taharat Yosef 3:39, Badei Hashulchan (Biurim 195:7) </ref> | # A man may not look at the clothes of another woman who he knows even if she is not wearing them so that one doesn't come to improper thoughts.<ref>Gemara Avoda Zara 20b, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1</ref> However, he can look at his wife's clothes even when she is a nidda and even if she is wearing them.<ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 166, Taharat Yosef 3:39, Badei Hashulchan (Biurim 195:7) </ref> | ||
==Hearing her Sing== | ==Hearing her Sing== | ||
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# All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:57</ref> | # All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:57</ref> | ||
===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ||
# A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection. <ref>Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.</ref> | # A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.</ref> | ||
# Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.<ref>The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).</ref> | # Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.<ref>The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).</ref> | ||
# There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | # There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | ||
