Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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#The Rabbis also forbade couples from sharing a plate while eating together.<ref>Rambam (Isurei Biah 11:18), Rama (195:4,14) </ref> This prohibition applies at all times, even while dining with others.<ref>Masat Binyamin (112) writes that even if others are at the same table this prohibition may not be compromised. | #The Rabbis also forbade couples from sharing a plate while eating together.<ref>Rambam (Isurei Biah 11:18), Rama (195:4,14) </ref> This prohibition applies at all times, even while dining with others.<ref>Masat Binyamin (112) writes that even if others are at the same table this prohibition may not be compromised. | ||
Pitchei Teshuva (195:5) asks: what was the need of this ruling, aren't leftovers of one's spouse anyhow forbidden? Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe 1:92) explains that the Masat Binyamin speaks of where the food is small portions where although there is no prohibition of eating her leftovers, this prohibition applies. </ref> | Pitchei Teshuva (195:5) asks: what was the need of this ruling, aren't leftovers of one's spouse anyhow forbidden? Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Igrot Moshe 1:92) explains that the Masat Binyamin speaks of where the food is small portions where although there is no prohibition of eating her leftovers, this prohibition applies. </ref> | ||
#They may use a shared central serving platter, provided they place the food on their own plates or on the table before eating.<ref>Taz (Yoreh Deah 195:2), Darchei Tahara (pg. 45), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 117)</ref> | #They may use a shared central serving platter, provided they place the food on their own plates or on the table before eating.<ref>Taz (Yoreh Deah 195:2), Darchei Tahara (pg. 45), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 117)</ref> | ||
#They may not eat from the same serving bowl unless they first put it down on their own plates. Similarly, if there is a serving bowl with rolls or fruits they can each take from it even without placing it down on a plate, though some are strict in this case.<reF>Mishmeret Hatahara 195:39</ref> | |||
#They may dip their bread in a shared salt dish.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 118) </ref> | #They may dip their bread in a shared salt dish.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 118) </ref> | ||
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#The Rabbis also prohibited the husband from drinking his wife's leftovers, as this is an act that denotes endearment.<ref>Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:4) </ref> This restriction applies specifically to the male, the wife however, may eat or drink her husband's leftovers.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:4). The Taz 195:5 explains that this act only denotes endearment to males drinking their wives leftovers and not the other way around.</ref> | #The Rabbis also prohibited the husband from drinking his wife's leftovers, as this is an act that denotes endearment.<ref>Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:4) </ref> This restriction applies specifically to the male, the wife however, may eat or drink her husband's leftovers.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:4). The Taz 195:5 explains that this act only denotes endearment to males drinking their wives leftovers and not the other way around.</ref> | ||
#The husband may partake of his wife's leftovers in any of the following circumstances: | #The husband may partake of his wife's leftovers in any of the following circumstances: | ||
#*The drink was transferred to another utensil. This is | #*The drink was transferred to another utensil. This is permitted even if the contents were then poured back into the original utensil.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:4), Badei Hashulchan 195:65, Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pp. 125-127). Badei Hashulchan 195:67 adds that it is permitted to intentionally pour it from one utensil to another to make it permitted.</ref> | ||
#*If someone else drank from the cup after her drinking, separating between their drinking.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:4) </ref> | #*If someone else drank from the cup after her drinking, separating between their drinking.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:4) </ref> | ||
#*He is not aware that she drank from this utensil (she need not inform him)<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 125). The reason for this is because if he is not aware that she drank from this cup, his action carries no connotation of endearment. </ref> | #*He is not aware that she drank from this utensil (she need not inform him)<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 125). The reason for this is because if he is not aware that she drank from this cup, his action carries no connotation of endearment. </ref> | ||
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#Most Sephardic authorities restrict this prohibition to drinking only and do not extend it to food.<ref>This is the opinion of the Orchot Chaim, quoted by the Bet Yosef (195:4). The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that the eating of food leftovers in not ordinarily done, and it therefore does not cause endearment. See Ben Ish Chai (vol. 2, Prashat Tzav, no. 22) who rules that one should not eat his wife's leftovers as well. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 125) and Halichot Olam (vol. 5, pg. 107) writes that the prevailing Sephardic custom was to be lenient in this regard. </ref> Ashkenazim, however, prohibit eating leftovers of her food as well.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Shach (195:8) </ref> | #Most Sephardic authorities restrict this prohibition to drinking only and do not extend it to food.<ref>This is the opinion of the Orchot Chaim, quoted by the Bet Yosef (195:4). The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that the eating of food leftovers in not ordinarily done, and it therefore does not cause endearment. See Ben Ish Chai (vol. 2, Prashat Tzav, no. 22) who rules that one should not eat his wife's leftovers as well. Rabbi Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 125) and Halichot Olam (vol. 5, pg. 107) writes that the prevailing Sephardic custom was to be lenient in this regard. </ref> Ashkenazim, however, prohibit eating leftovers of her food as well.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Shach (195:8) </ref> | ||
#According to Ashkenazic custom, if the wife ate from a dish often classified as one, such as finely cut vegetables, anything left over is prohibited to the husband. If, however, a plate contains two large particles of food, and the wife only ate from one, the husband may indulge in the other.<ref>Igrot Moshe (Yoreh Deah 1:92), Badei Hashulchan (195:51)</ref> | #According to Ashkenazic custom, if the wife ate from a dish often classified as one, such as finely cut vegetables, anything left over is prohibited to the husband. If, however, a plate contains two large particles of food, and the wife only ate from one, the husband may indulge in the other.<ref>Igrot Moshe (Yoreh Deah 1:92), Badei Hashulchan (195:51)</ref> | ||
#According to Ashkenazic custom, if the wife took butter or the like with a utensil, and then returned the knife with extra butter on it to the butter dish, it would then be forbidden for her husband to use that butter.<ref>Igrot Moshe (Yoreh Deah 1:92), Mishmeret Hatahara (195:39). He does however quote Rabbi Elyashiv saying that the leftover spread on the knife is not considered leftovers. See Iggrot Moshe (ibid.) who writes that ideally couples should not share a butter dish, although it is Halachically permitted. </ref> | ##For example, if a husband and wife cut up a large loaf of bread, which is meant for more than one person, it is permitted for each of them to each from their own slice since it is meant for multiple people. However, a small roll which is meant for one person cannot be split.<ref>Igrot Moshe (Yoreh Deah 1:92), Badei Hashulchan (195:51)</ref> | ||
#According to Ashkenazic custom, if the wife took butter or the like with a utensil, and then returned the knife with extra butter on it to the butter dish, it would then be forbidden for her husband to use that butter.<ref>Igrot Moshe (Yoreh Deah 1:92), Mishmeret Hatahara (195:39). He does however quote Rabbi Elyashiv saying that the leftover spread on the knife is not considered leftovers. See Iggrot Moshe (ibid.) who writes that ideally couples should not share a butter dish, although it is Halachically permitted. </ref> Some are lenient.<Ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:51</ref> | |||
==Using the Spouse's Bed== | ==Using the Spouse's Bed== | ||
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==Hearing her Sing== | ==Hearing her Sing== | ||
#There is a dispute if a husband can listen to his wife sing when she is a niddah. The same dispute is relevant to singing zemiros Shabbos together.<ref>[https://ph.yhb.org.il/category/טהרת-המשפחה/18-03/ Peninei Halacha (Niddah 3:3)] writes that listening to her sing normally or sing zemiros is permitted, though some are strict.</ref> | |||
#According to those who allow listening to one's wife sing when she's a niddah, it is likewise permitted to hear her play a musical instrument.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:40</ref> However, those who are strict on listening to her sing would also be strict on listening to her play an instrument if it could lead to endearment.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2</ref> | #According to those who allow listening to one's wife sing when she's a niddah, it is likewise permitted to hear her play a musical instrument.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:40</ref> However, those who are strict on listening to her sing would also be strict on listening to her play an instrument if it could lead to endearment.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2</ref> | ||
See also [[Listening_to_Women_Sing#Married_Women|Listening to Women Sing: Married Women]]. | |||
==Smelling her Perfume== | ==Smelling her Perfume== | ||
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! Activity !! Wife to/for Husband !! Husband to/for Wife !! Not in Spouse's Presence | ! Activity !! Wife to/for Husband !! Husband to/for Wife !! Not in Spouse's Presence | ||
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| Eating Spouse's Leftovers || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Rama 195:4, Taz 195:5</ref> || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Rama 195:4</ref> | | Eating Spouse's Leftovers || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Rama 195:4, Taz 195:5, Badei Hashulchan 195:52</ref> || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Rama 195:4</ref> | ||
|- | |- | ||
| Sitting on the Spouse's Bed || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Taz 195:6</ref> || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 195:5</ref> | | Sitting on the Spouse's Bed || style="background-color:#9aff99;" | Permitted<ref>Taz 195:6</ref> || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden || style="background-color:#ffccc9;" | Forbidden<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 195:5</ref> | ||
