Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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'''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are supplementary Rabbinic restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead them to biblically forbidden conduct during the niddah period. Couples tend to have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, therefore, the Sages - with their psychological understanding and insight - saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples and does not pertain to interactions with women whom a man invariably may not touch.<ref>Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47) and Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for various modesty ethics that must be practiced while interacting with women in general. </ref> | '''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are supplementary Rabbinic restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead them to biblically forbidden conduct during the niddah period. Couples tend to have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, therefore, the Sages - with their psychological understanding and insight - saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples and does not pertain to interactions with women whom a man invariably may not touch.<ref>Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47) and Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for various modesty ethics that must be practiced while interacting with women in general. </ref> | ||
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==Intimate Speech== | ==Intimate Speech== | ||
#During this period, couples must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted. | #During this period, couples must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=344 Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b)] explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted. | ||
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#A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, as this is not considered intimate speech.<ref>Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 155). See The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 39 with footnote 65) who exemplifies statements included in this category: "The food tastes great" or "This dress looks very nice on you". </ref> The same applies to speech conventionally used by couples to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home.<ref>Nitei Gavriel (Niddah 33:4) quoting Chazon Ish </ref> | #A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, as this is not considered intimate speech.<ref>Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 155). See The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 39 with footnote 65) who exemplifies statements included in this category: "The food tastes great" or "This dress looks very nice on you". </ref> The same applies to speech conventionally used by couples to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home.<ref>Nitei Gavriel (Niddah 33:4) quoting Chazon Ish </ref> | ||
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===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ||
#A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.</ref> | #A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.</ref> | ||
#Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.<ref>The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).</ref> | #Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.<ref>The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).</ref> | ||
#There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | #There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for [[netilat yedayim]].<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | ||
#All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot prepare water for her to use for washing her hands, feet, and face, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:61</ref> | #All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot prepare water for her to use for washing her hands, feet, and face, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:61</ref> | ||
===Serving Foods and Drinks=== | |||
#A woman should not serve food<ref>Bach 195:9 and Shach 195:13 hold that the prohibition of serving applies to all drinks and foods, even though the Rashba applies it only to wine. Taz 195:3 believes that the prohibition is limited to wine. Aruch Hashulchan 195:28 agrees. Bear Heitiv 195:9 echoes the Shach. Badei Hashulchan 195:128 rules like the Shach.</ref> or pour drinks other than water<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:128 quoting Piskei Dinim Tzemech Tzedek is lenient to serve water since it is certainly not significant.</ref> for her husband when she is a niddah.<ref>Ketubot 61a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 195:10</ref> | |||
# Sephardim hold that this only applies to wine. A wife may serve her husband food and vice versa.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 188</ref> | |||
# This law applies in both directions so a husband may not pour drinks or serve food for his wife.<ref>Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 195:13. Badei Hashulchan 195:159 writes that Shach and those who are strict on other drinks besides wine and food would be strict for also for a husband serving a wife.</ref> | |||
===Pouring a Kiddush Cup=== | |||
# A wife may not pour a cup of wine for her husband and he may not pour a cup of wine for his wife. Even for Kiddush the husband should not pass his kiddush cup to his wife to drink. If she isn't the only one who drinks from the cup, such as if all of the members of the family drink it is permitted.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 191</ref> | |||
# A husband may not pour his wife wine or pass her the kiddush cup. If someone else besides the husband and wife drink from the kiddush cup there is no issue with the husband and wife both drinking from the kiddush cup. It doesn't matter whether that person drinks between or after them.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 pp. 191-2</ref> | |||
==A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries== | ==A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries== | ||
