Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions

'''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are supplementary Rabbinic restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead them to Biblically forbidden conduct during the niddah period. Couples tend to have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, therefore, the Sages - with their psychological understanding and insight - saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples and does not pertain to interactions with women whom a man invariably may not touch.<ref>Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47) and Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for various modesty ethics that must be practiced while interacting with women in general. </ref>  

#During this period, couples must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted.     

#There is a dispute between the authorities in regards to the permissibility of couples engaging in sports and games (eg. ping-pong, tennis) during this period. Leniency understandably is provided that they do not come to lighthearted or physical behavior.<ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (vol. 2, pg. 264) quoting Rabbi Elyashiv as forbidding. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) however, argues and permits this. See also Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 123) who writes that the custom is to permit this. He does however recommend various precautions couples should implement during recreational play.</ref>

*What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.</ref> eating on separate place-mats (if they do not regularly do so) and the changing of seats if if they typically have designated places.<ref>The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) rules that it is permitted to eat at the same table while seated different from where they typically sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 119) hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. See Badei Hashulchan (195:37) however who writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency.</ref> Sitting far apart from each other on a long table also serves as a sufficient reminder.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)</ref>

Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref>

#It is prohibited for them both to sit together on a long bench or couch where the movement of one can be felt by the other.<ref>Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) brings this as a Chumrah that should be implemented. See Responsa Trumat Hadeshen (no. 251, brought by Rama Yoreh Deah 195:5) who brings this prohibition.  

</ref> If however, another person sits between them, this would be permitted.<ref>Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:5) from the Agudda</ref> Some Sepharadic authorities are lenient and allow them the sitting on the same bench, even when movement can be felt, provided that they take care not to touch.

#If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref><nowiki><Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</nowiki></ref>

==Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah==

#A man may not pass an item directly to his wife when she is a niddah, nor may he receive an item directly from her, lest they come to touch. In order to pass an object, they must place the item down on a table or chair for the spouse to pick up from there.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:7.

*Shitah Mikubeset Ketubot 61 s.v. vekatvu cites Talmidei Rabbenu Yonah who explain that the reason it is forbidden for a man to pass something to his wife (and vice versa) when she is a niddah is because passing an object is like touching.

*Tosfot (Ketubot 61a s.v. biymey) writes that Rashi personally was careful not to pass anything to his wife when she was a niddah.

Tosfot rejects any proof from the gemara for the opinion of Rashi. The Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a) and Rosh (Ketubot 5:24) are strict. Shulchan Aruch 195:2 codifies the practice of Rashi.</ref>

#Even if the couple are in public and do not want others to know the woman is a niddah, they may not be lenient. They must place the item down and allow the spouse to pick it up, and not pass it directly.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 98. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 2:77 writes that a couple may not be lenient on harchakot so that she's not embarrassed because harchakot aren't so embarrassing and also they are part of halacha and we shouldn't be embarrassed to keep halacha. [http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/876990/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-123-passing-things-leniencies-putting-things-in-pocketbook-and-passing-babies/ Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 123, min. 15-20)] disagreed and held that [[kavod habriyot]] could be used to permit harchakot in public when it is embarrassing and not in private. </ref>

#One should be strict not to push or carry a large heavy item with one's wife who is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75</ref>

#A couple may not even pass a long object, such as a bench to each other when the woman is a niddah. In extenuating circumstances though, there is room for leniency, if they can be sure to avoid touching each other in the process. For example, if a couple lives on a high floor and there is no elevator, and they need to carry a baby stroller up and down stairs, and it cannot be carried by just one of them, the couple may be lenient and have the husband carry the bottom of the stroller and the wife the top, or vice versa, as long as they can be sure they will not touch in doing so. The law is the same with getting a stroller on or off the bus, or other similar situations.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 98-99, Taharat Yosef 3:7</ref>

#A man is permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah, as long as it is not done in a lightheaded, frivolous, playful manner. One who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy, however. This only applies for Sephardim. For Ashkenazim, the strict ruling is the law, and according to them, a man is not permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah. Even Ashkenazim may be lenient if the man throws the object into the air, and the wife catches it on the way down.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 99, Taharat Yosef 3:7:3</ref>

#There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref>

#Women must recite all blessing and prayers as usual during this period as well.<ref>Shaarei Dura (no. 18) forbids niddot from reciting God's name.  Darkei Moshe (195:5) also concludes likewise. Accordingly, Rama (Orach Chaim 88:1) writes that the custom is that a niddah is not to pray. See however, Bet Yosef (88:1), Magen Avraham (88:2), Pri Chadash (88:1), Maaseh Rav (no. 58), and Mishna Brurah (88:7) all rule that women are obligated in the recital of all blessings. See also Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 10, no. 8) who writes that the current day Bais Yaakov seminaries all do not follow the Rama's ruling. </ref>