Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions

# One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97.  

* The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref>

==Seclusion==

* What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.</ref> Additionally, they can sit in different seats than they normally would<ref>The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) writes that it is permitted to eat at the same table as long as they sit in different places from where they usually sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119 hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. Badei Hashulchan 195:37 writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency since it isn't the minhag.</ref>, use separate placemats<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3</ref>, or sit on opposite ends of a very large table which can serve as a reminder.<Ref> Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:3:2, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119, Taharat Yosef 3:16:3 </ref>  

# According to many poskim the prohibition to eat together on the same table doesn't apply if there are others eating with them, even without a sign to remind them.<Ref> The Masat Binyamin 112 permitted a husband and wife to eat at the same table without anything unusual on it to remind them since the presence of other people will serve as a reminder to them. Chida in Shiurei Bracha 195:11, Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 110 and Taharat Yosef 3:17, and Rav Mordechai Eliyahu in Darkei Tahara p. 44 agree. Badei Hashulchan 195:34 writes that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others doesn't help and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) only permitted it if someone sat in between the husband and wife. However, Badei Hashulchan concludes, someone who is lenient has what to rely on because anyway the Rambam's opinion is that as long as they aren't eating on the same plate it is permitted. Rav Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877146/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-125-eating-at-the-same-table/ Niddah Shiur 125]) was lenient like Rav Ovadia Yosef.</ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<Ref> Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref>

===Eating Each Other's Leftovers===

# The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.<ref>Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref>

# A couch which isn't exclusively used by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:80, Taharat Yosef 3:22 </ref> The husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair in which she takes naps.<ref> Beer Moshe 5:144, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 135, Taharat Yosef 3:28</ref>

# When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:82</ref>

# It is forbidden for a man and wife to switch beds when she is a niddah. However, they can switch when she is tahor and as long as he slept in his new bed once before she became a niddah he can continue to sleep there even when she's a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:81</ref>

# It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:78</ref>

==Looking at One's Wife==

see [[Listening_to_Women_Sing#Married_Women|Listening to Women Sing: Married Women]]

==Smelling her Perfume==

# All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:57</ref>

===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With===

# There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref>  

==A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries==

==Sources==

<references/>