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Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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==Touching== | ==Touching== | ||
# According to the opinion of many Rishonim, among them Maran HaShulchan Aruch, contact between a man and his wife who is a niddah is a biblical violation. Due to this fact, the Rabbis instituted many safeguards to prevent this. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96</ref> | # According to the opinion of many Rishonim, among them Maran HaShulchan Aruch, contact between a man and his wife who is a niddah is a biblical violation. Due to this fact, the Rabbis instituted many safeguards to prevent this. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96</ref> | ||
# | # It is forbidden for a man to touch his wife who is a niddah even in a slight way and even not in an affectionate way.<ref>The Gemara Shabbat 13b indicates from a conversation with Eliyahu Hanavi that it is forbidden for a man to touch his wife even in the slightest way when she is a niddah. | ||
See the Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah 1:360 who permit a man to touch his wife when she is a niddah in a non-affectionate way. All other rishonim reject this opinion. These rishonim include the Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=347 Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a]), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Shulchan Aruch 195:2, therefore, forbids touching even not in an affectionate way. </ref> He may not even touch her clothing, nor she his, even if the clothing hangs loosely off the body and the person will not feel the touch. They should be also be careful that the clothing of one does not touch the clothing of the other. <ref> Aruch Hashulchan 195:5, Badei Hashulchan 195:15, Torat HaTaharah p. 97, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> | |||
# A husband and wife are permitted to touch each other's clothing when the wife is a niddah while the clothes are not being worn by the spouse. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> Similarly they are allowed to touch each other's bedding while their spouse is not lying on it. This applies even if the clothes or sheets are stained. A man is also permitted to remove his wife's sheet from her bed and put it on his own bed, even if the sheet is stained, as long as the sheet is not designated specifically for her use. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98</ref> | # A husband and wife are permitted to touch each other's clothing when the wife is a niddah while the clothes are not being worn by the spouse. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98, Taharat Yosef 4:5</ref> Similarly they are allowed to touch each other's bedding while their spouse is not lying on it. This applies even if the clothes or sheets are stained. A man is also permitted to remove his wife's sheet from her bed and put it on his own bed, even if the sheet is stained, as long as the sheet is not designated specifically for her use. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 97-98</ref> | ||
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# One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97. | # One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress. <ref> Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97. | ||
* The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref> | * The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref> | ||
# Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.<Ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.</ref> | # Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.<Ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah is forbidden. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.</ref> | ||
==Seclusion== | ==Seclusion== | ||
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* Does Heker Work? The Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a niddah even if there is something unusual on the table to remind them. He writes that the rabbis of Narvona agreed with him. The Hagahot Mordechai (Shabbat no. 452) cites this opinion. The Gra YD 195:8 and 88:2 discusses these opinions and their proof from Shabbat 13a. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) holds that it is permitted for a husband to eat at the same table with a niddah as long as there is something to remind them such as only one eating on the tablecloth. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Torat Habayit 3b]), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:3 agree. See the Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3) who allows using something unusual only if there's no other table available. | * Does Heker Work? The Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a niddah even if there is something unusual on the table to remind them. He writes that the rabbis of Narvona agreed with him. The Hagahot Mordechai (Shabbat no. 452) cites this opinion. The Gra YD 195:8 and 88:2 discusses these opinions and their proof from Shabbat 13a. However, the Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Shaar Haperisha no. 1]) holds that it is permitted for a husband to eat at the same table with a niddah as long as there is something to remind them such as only one eating on the tablecloth. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Torat Habayit 3b]), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:3 agree. See the Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3) who allows using something unusual only if there's no other table available. | ||
* What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.</ref> Additionally, they can sit in different seats than they normally would<ref>The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) writes that it is permitted to eat at the same table as long as they sit in different places from where they usually sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119 hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. Badei Hashulchan 195:37 writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency since it isn't the minhag.</ref>, use separate placemats<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3</ref>, or sit on opposite ends of a very large table which can serve as a reminder.<Ref> Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:3:2, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119, Taharat Yosef 3:16:3 </ref> | * What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.</ref> Additionally, they can sit in different seats than they normally would<ref>The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) writes that it is permitted to eat at the same table as long as they sit in different places from where they usually sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119 hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. Badei Hashulchan 195:37 writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency since it isn't the minhag.</ref>, use separate placemats<ref>Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3</ref>, or sit on opposite ends of a very large table which can serve as a reminder.<Ref> Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:3:2, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 119, Taharat Yosef 3:16:3 </ref> | ||
# | # According to many poskim the prohibition to eat together on the same table doesn't apply if there are others eating with them, even without a sign to remind them.<Ref> The Masat Binyamin 112 permitted a husband and wife to eat at the same table without anything unusual on it to remind them since the presence of other people will serve as a reminder to them. Chida in Shiurei Bracha 195:11, Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 110 and Taharat Yosef 3:17, and Rav Mordechai Eliyahu in Darkei Tahara p. 44 agree. Badei Hashulchan 195:34 writes that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others doesn't help and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) only permitted it if someone sat in between the husband and wife. However, Badei Hashulchan concludes, someone who is lenient has what to rely on because anyway the Rambam's opinion is that as long as they aren't eating on the same plate it is permitted. Rav Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877146/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-125-eating-at-the-same-table/ Niddah Shiur 125]) was lenient like Rav Ovadia Yosef.</ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<Ref> Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref> | ||
# It isn't respectful to use sefer as a heker.<ref>Rav Chaim Kanievsky quoted by Ohel Yakov Kavod Ukedushat Sefarim p. 1</ref> | |||
===Eating Each Other's Leftovers=== | ===Eating Each Other's Leftovers=== | ||
# A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19 </ref> This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:20 </ref> | # A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness.<ref> Shulchan Aruch 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19 </ref> This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over.<ref> Rama 195:4 writes that she is permitted to drink his leftovers. Shach 195:5 explains that there's no concern for a wife to drink his leftovers since she's not going to instigate an aveirah with him. Taharat Yosef 3:20 agrees.</ref> | ||
# The following are exceptions to this rule: | # The following are exceptions to this rule: | ||
## If the drink is poured into another cup it would be permissible.<ref> | ## If the drink is poured into another cup it would be permissible.<ref>Rama 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19:1 </ref> | ||
## If someone else drank from the cup after his wife, the husband may drink.<ref> Rama 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19:3 </ref> | |||
## If someone else drank from the cup after his wife, the husband may drink.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:3 </ref> | |||
## If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:4</ref> | ## If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:4</ref> | ||
## If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:5 </ref> | ## If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:5 </ref> | ||
## If the wife leaves the room, the husband can drink what remains in the cup since he is not drinking in front of her. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:6 </ref> | ## If the wife leaves the room, the husband can drink what remains in the cup since he is not drinking in front of her. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:19:6 </ref> | ||
# For | # According to Sephardim, if a woman drank from a cup and left over part of it and they refilled it it would be permissible for the man to drink.<ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 123, Taharat Yosef 3:19:2 </ref> Ashkenazim don't accept this leniency.<Ref>Shach 195:9 writes that even though they refilled it, nonetheless, the leftovers are still there and forbidden for him to drink. Badei Hashulchan 195:59 agrees.</ref> | ||
# For Sephardim, this prohibition only applies to drink and not food.<ref> The Orchot Chaim quoted by Bet Yosef 195:5 writes that while there is a dispute whether leftover drinks are permitted leftover food is certainly permitted. The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that since it isn't usual to drink from the same cup if a man would drink his wife's leftover drink it would be a sign of endearment. However, since it is normal to eat someone's leftover food it isn't a sign of endearment. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 125 and Taharat Yosef 3:21 agree. </ref> Ashkenazim, however, are strict for food as well.<ref> Rama 195:3, Shach 195:8 </ref> Even for Ashkenazim, if the wife simply tasted the food like for Shabbat, the remaining food would not be called leftovers.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:21 </ref> | |||
# Whatever piece she ate from is considered leftovers but if there are multiple pieces of food touching one another and she ate one piece the others aren't considered leftovers. This applies to items that usually eaten separately like meat, fish, fruits or nuts, however, a dish which is considered like one food, such as vegetables cut finely, are considered leftovers even though she ate some pieces and left others. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Badei Hashulchan 195:51</ref> | |||
# It is permissible for the woman to cut a piece off a large bread and eat it and the rest isn't considered leftovers. However, if she takes a piece of an individual loaf, the rest is considered leftovers. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Badei Hashulchan 195:51</ref> | |||
# It is permissible for a husband and wife to use the same butter or cream cheese container to take to spread on bread, yet there is room to be strict. However, they should be careful that the woman doesn't take on the knife more than she needs and leave some over on the knife, which would be considered her leftovers.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Mishmeret Hatahara 195:39. Mishmeret Hatahara (fnt. 111) in fact quotes Rav Elyashiv that the leftover spread on the knife isn't considered her leftovers since the main food which he's taking is what remains in the container.</ref> | |||
===Other Items=== | ===Other Items=== | ||
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# The couple may stand an umbrella together, as long as the umbrella is big enough to allow them both to be under it without touching. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:11 </ref> | # The couple may stand an umbrella together, as long as the umbrella is big enough to allow them both to be under it without touching. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:11 </ref> | ||
# A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | # A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | ||
==Sitting on Her Bed== | |||
# The husband may not sit<ref>Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.</ref> on his wife's bed when she is a nidda since it will cause him to have improper thoughts, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.<ref>Raavad (Baalei Hanefesh [http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=23 Shaar Haperisha p. 25]) based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=344 Torat Habayit 3b]), Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. The Levush 195:5 explains that the reason for this prohibition is that he might have improper thoughts about his wife when sitting on her bed.</ref> | |||
# The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.<ref>Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref> | |||
# A couch which isn't exclusively used by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:80, Taharat Yosef 3:22 </ref> The husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair in which she takes naps.<ref> Beer Moshe 5:144, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 135, Taharat Yosef 3:28</ref> | |||
# If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.<ref> Pitchei Teshuva 195:9, Badei Hashulchan 195:77, Taharat Yosef 3:25</ref> | |||
# When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:82</ref> | |||
# It is forbidden for a man and wife to switch beds when she is a niddah. However, they can switch when she is tahor and as long as he slept in his new bed once before she became a niddah he can continue to sleep there even when she's a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:81</ref> | |||
==Separate Beds== | |||
# The couple may not lie together in one bed, even if it is large and wide.<Ref>Gemara Shabbat 13a concludes that it is forbidden for a man and wife to sleep in the same bed when she is a niddah. Shulchan Aruch 195:6 codifies this. Taharat Yosef 3:2 agrees.</ref> Even when they are in different beds the beds must be separated.<ref>Rama YD 195:6, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 149</ref> How far apart should the beds be? According to the strict halacha it is sufficient as long as they are separated in any amount as long as the sheets and blankets don't touch, however, the poskim recommend that the beds should be separated two feet.<ref>Pitchei Teshuva 195:11 quotes the Mekor Chaim who says that the beds need to be separated by any amount. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 149 agreed. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 quotes the Arizal as saying that the beds needs to be separated so that the sheets and blankets don't touch. In terms of the amount of space he writes that it should be at least the width of a person and preferably an amah (60cm) so that they don't come to touch and the blankets don't come to touch. Shiurei Shevet Halevi adds that the minhag is to put something in between the beds. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that the beds should be separated the amount of a person's reach so that they don't come to touch. Badei Hashulchan 195:109 and Rabbi Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877217/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-126-harchakot-sitting-on-same-bench-taking-trip-together-separation-between-beds-singing-what-she-can-wear-in-private/ Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 45)]) agreed.</ref> | |||
# According to many poskim it is permissible for the beds to be separated even if they are attached by a headboard, however, some hold that it isn't reccomended and some hold it is forbidden unless the headboard is just next to the beds but not attached.<ref>Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that it is permissible for the beds to be attached with a headboard. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 writes that it isn't recommended unless they are actually detached from the headboard. Badei Hashulchan 195:107 writes that if the headboard is attached to the beds it is forbidden.</ref> | |||
# The beds can be touching if both of them are not in bed.<Ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 155, Taharat Yosef 3:33</ref> | |||
# They must use separate blankets.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 154, Taharat Yosef 3:5</ref> | |||
# Some poskim hold that it is permitted for them to sleep in separated beds under one canopy<ref>Maharam Elshakar 91 writes it is permitted for a couple to sleep under one canopy even when she's a niddah based on Eruvin 63b. Shach 195:11 quotes this. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 154 accepts the Maharam Elshakar and says that it would apply to a canopy that was attached to the beds as long as the beds were separated.</ref>, while others hold that it is forbidden.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:108 explains that the Maharam Elshakar was only talking about a canopy that wasn't attached to the beds but if it was attached it is forbidden.</ref> | |||
# It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:78</ref> | |||
==Sitting Together== | ==Sitting Together== | ||
# The | # It is forbidden for a man and wife to sit together on a bench or couch that isn't attached to the ground.<ref> The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. There are a number of explanations of this prohibition: | ||
* The Taz 195:6 holds that the concern is one of improper thoughts. | |||
* The Nekudat Hakesef 195:1 writes that sitting on the same bench which wobbles because of the weight of one's spouse is like touching one another. Alternatively, it is like sleeping in the same bed. | |||
# | * The Trumat Hadeshen 251 implies that the issue is causing endearment to one's wife by sitting next to her. | ||
# | * The Aruch Hashulchan 195:19 adds that the reason for the stringency is that it might lead to them touching.</ref> If someone is sitting in between them it is permitted.<ref>Rama 195:5 based on the Aguda</ref> | ||
# It is permitted for a man and his wife to sit on the same heavy couch since it doesn't wobble from the weight of one of them.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 195:19, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144</ref> | |||
# Some hold that the minhag of Sephardim is to allow a couple to sit on the same bench, while others are strict.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 136 writes that the Sephardic minhag is to be lenient entirely about sitting on the same bench. However, the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Sheni, Tzav no. 23) is strict about a couple sitting on the same bench when she's a niddah.</ref> | |||
===Traveling=== | ===Traveling Together=== | ||
# A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:30</ref> However, some | # A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref> | ||
* The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.</ref> | |||
# Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.<ref> The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.</ref> However, some poskim are strict unless the traveling is for a purpose.<Ref>Aruch Hashulchan 195:20 writes that it isn't proper to go on a pleasure walk if one's wife when she's a niddah just like the Trumat Hadeshen and Rama forbade traveling in a wagon together for pleasure. Badei Hashulchan 195:93 agrees. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144 writes that it is an unnecessary stringency but nonetheless one has to be careful not to speak endearing words and come to levity.</ref> | |||
# If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref> <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</ref> | |||
==Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah== | ==Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah== | ||
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==Looking at One's Wife== | ==Looking at One's Wife== | ||
# A husband may enjoy his wife's look even when she is a nidda and we are not concerned that just looking at her will tempt him to transgress anything. However, he | # A husband may enjoy his wife's look even when she is a nidda and we are not concerned that just looking at her will tempt him to transgress anything. However, he may not look at the parts of the body that are usually covered.<ref> Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:4), Shulchan Aruch YD 196:7, Taharat Yosef 3:36 </ref> | ||
# When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75</ref> | # When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref> | ||
# A husband may be present with his wife in the delivery room when his wife is giving birth if his presence helps calm her down but he | ## A woman doesn’t need to cover her hair inside her house when just her family is around when she’s a niddah<ref>Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165</ref>, others disagree.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:2</ref> | ||
# A man may not look at the clothes of another woman who he knows even if she is not wearing them. However, he can look at his wife's clothes even when she is a nidda | # A husband may be present with his wife in the delivery room when his wife is giving birth if his presence helps calm her down but he can't look at his wife when she's actually giving birth. <ref> Rabbi Mordechai Willig ([http://www.yutorah.org/sidebar/lecture.cfm/877217/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/niddah-shiur-126-harchakot-sitting-on-same-bench-taking-trip-together-separation-between-beds-singing-what-she-can-wear-in-private/ Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 52-3]), Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 167, Taharat Yosef 3:38. Shiurei Shever Halevi 195:7:3 is strict for the husband to even be present in the room when she's giving birth. </ref> | ||
# A man may not look at the clothes of another woman who he knows even if she is not wearing them so that one doesn't come to improper thoughts.<ref>Gemara Avoda Zara 20b, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1</ref> However, he can look at his wife's clothes even when she is a nidda and even if she is wearing them. <ref> Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 166, Taharat Yosef 3:39, Badei Hashulchan (Biurim 195:7) </ref> | |||
==Hearing her | ==Hearing her Sing== | ||
see [[Listening_to_Women_Sing#Married_Women|Listening to Women Sing: Married Women]] | see [[Listening_to_Women_Sing#Married_Women|Listening to Women Sing: Married Women]] | ||
# | # According to those who allow listening to one's wife sing when she's a niddah, it is likewise permitted to hear her play a musical instrument.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:40</ref> However, those who are strict on listening to her sing would also be strict on listening to her play an instrument if it could lead to endearment.<ref>Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2</ref> | ||
==Smelling her Perfume== | ==Smelling her Perfume== | ||
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# All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:57</ref> | # All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:57</ref> | ||
===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ===Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With=== | ||
# A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection. <ref> Taharat Yosef 3:59</ref> | # A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection. <ref>Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.</ref> | ||
# Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.<ref>The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).</ref> | |||
# There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | # There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:60</ref> | ||
# All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot prepare water for her to use for washing her hands, feet, and face, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:61</ref> | |||
==A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries== | ==A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries== | ||
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==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
<references/> | <references/> | ||
[[Category:Niddah]] | |||
