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Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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→Sitting Together
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# A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | # A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:14</ref> | ||
==Sitting | ==Sitting on Her Bed== | ||
# The husband may not sit<ref>Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.</ref> on his wife's bed when she is a nidda, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.<ref>Raavad based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba, Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. | # The husband may not sit<ref>Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.</ref> on his wife's bed when she is a nidda since it will cause him to have improper thoughts, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.<ref>Raavad based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba, Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. The Levush 195:5 explains that the reason for this prohibition is that he might have improper thoughts about his wife when sitting on her bed.</ref> | ||
# The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.<ref>Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref> | # The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.<ref>Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref> | ||
# | # A couch which isn't exclusively used by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:80, Taharat Yosef 3:22 </ref> The husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair in which she takes naps.<ref> Beer Moshe 5:144, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 135, Taharat Yosef 3:28</ref> | ||
# If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:77, Taharat Yosef 3:25</ref> | # If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:77, Taharat Yosef 3:25</ref> | ||
# When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:82</ref> | # When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:82</ref> | ||
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# It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:78</ref> | # It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:78</ref> | ||
===Traveling=== | ==Sitting Together== | ||
# It is forbidden for a man and wife to sit together on a bench or couch that isn't attached to the ground.<ref> The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. There are a number of explanations of this prohibition: | |||
* The Taz 195:6 holds that the concern is one of improper thoughts. | |||
* The Nekudat Hakesef 195:1 writes that sitting on the same bench which wobbles because of the weight of one's spouse is like touching one another. Alternatively, it is like sleeping in the same bed. | |||
* The Trumat Hadeshen 251 implies that the issue is causing endearment to one's wife by sitting next to her. | |||
* The Aruch Hashulchan 195:19 adds that the reason for the stringency is that it might lead to them touching.</ref> If someone is sitting in between them it is permitted.<ref>Rama 195:5 based on the Aguda</ref> | |||
# It is permitted for a man and his wife to sit on the same heavy couch since it doesn't wobble from the weight of one of them.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 195:19, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144</ref> | |||
# Some hold that the minhag of Sephardim is to allow a couple to sit on the same bench, while others are strict.<ref>Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 136 writes that the Sephardic minhag is to be lenient entirely about sitting on the same bench. However, the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Sheni, Tzav no. 23) is strict about a couple sitting on the same bench when she's a niddah.</ref> | |||
===Traveling Together=== | |||
# A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref> | # A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref> | ||
* The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.</ref> | * The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.</ref> | ||
# Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.<ref> The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.</ref> However, some | # Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.<ref> The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.</ref> However, some poskim are strict unless the traveling is for a purpose.<Ref>Aruch Hashulchan 195:20 writes that it isn't proper to go on a pleasure walk if one's wife when she's a niddah just like the Trumat Hadeshen and Rama forbade traveling in a wagon together for pleasure. Badei Hashulchan 195:93 agrees. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144 writes that it is an unnecessary stringency but nonetheless one has to be careful not to speak endearing words and come to levity.</ref> | ||
# If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref> <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</ref> | # If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref> <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</ref> | ||
