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Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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→Sitting Together
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==Sitting Together== | ==Sitting Together== | ||
# The husband may not sit on his wife's bed when she is a nidda, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones. However, if it is a couch, where it is not used exclusively by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:22 </ref> The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref> | # The husband may not sit<ref>Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.</ref> on his wife's bed when she is a nidda, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.<ref>Raavad based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba, Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. | ||
The Levush 195:5 explains that the reason for this prohibition is that he might have improper thoughts about his wife when sitting on her bed.</ref> However, if it is a couch, where it is not used exclusively by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:80, Taharat Yosef 3:22 </ref> | |||
# The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.<ref>Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24</ref> | |||
# This is only about her bed. But the husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:28</ref> | # This is only about her bed. But the husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:28</ref> | ||
# If his wife is out of town when she is a nidda | # If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:77, Taharat Yosef 3:25</ref> | ||
# When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> | # When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.<ref> Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23</ref> If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:82</ref> | ||
# The couple may not lie together in one bed, even if it is large and wide. Even when they are on different beds, the beds should be separated. <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:2</ref> This only applies if they are both in their beds.<Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:33</ref> | # The couple may not lie together in one bed, even if it is large and wide. Even when they are on different beds, the beds should be separated. <Ref>Gemara Shabbat 13a concludes that it is forbidden for a man and wife to sleep in the same bed when she is a niddah. Shulchan Aruch 195:6 codifies this. Taharat Yosef 3:2 agrees.</ref> This only applies if they are both in their beds.<Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:33</ref> | ||
# They should also use separate blankets, even when the beds are separate.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:5</ref> | # They should also use separate blankets, even when the beds are separate.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:5</ref> | ||
# It is forbidden for a man and wife to switch beds when she is a niddah. However, they can switch when she is tahor and as long as he slept in his new bed once before she became a niddah he can continue to sleep there even when she's a niddah.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:81</ref> | |||
# It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.<ref>Badei Hashulchan 195:78</ref> | |||
===Traveling=== | ===Traveling=== | ||
# A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref> | # A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.<ref> | ||
* The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch.</ref> | * The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.</ref> | ||
# Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.<ref> The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. | # Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.<ref> The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.</ref> However, some Ashkenazim are strict unless the traveling is for a purpose.<Ref>Aruch Hashulchan 195:20 writes that it isn't proper to go on a pleasure walk if one's wife when she's a niddah just like the Trumat Hadeshen and Rama forbade traveling in a wagon together for pleasure. Badei Hashulchan 195:93 agrees. Taharat Yosef 3:30 cites this opinion.</ref> | ||
Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.</ref> However, some | |||
# If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref> <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</ref> | # If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.<ref> <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31</ref> | ||
