Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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'''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are Rabbinic supplementary restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead to gravely forbidden Biblical actions during the niddah period. Since couples have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, the Sages with their psychological understanding and insight saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples, not to interactions with women | '''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are Rabbinic supplementary restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead to gravely forbidden Biblical actions during the niddah period. Since couples have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, the Sages with their psychological understanding and insight saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples, not to interactions with women whom a man invariably may not touch.<ref>Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47), Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See however Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for miscellaneous laws of distance one must practice when interacting with women. </ref> | ||
These precautions commence with a woman's menstruation and extends all the way until the culmination of her purification process, immersion.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yorei Deah 195:1), Torat HaTaharah (p. 95), Taharat Yosef (3:1) </ref> This prohibition remains even if a woman reached menopause, when she no longer experiences menstrual cycles, and in the past has not followed the requisite steps to purification; she must unfetter herself with a count of hefsek taharah, seven clean days, and immersion.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2. | These precautions commence with a woman's menstruation and extends all the way until the culmination of her purification process, immersion.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yorei Deah 195:1), Torat HaTaharah (p. 95), Taharat Yosef (3:1) </ref> This prohibition remains even if a woman reached menopause, when she no longer experiences menstrual cycles, and in the past has not followed the requisite steps to purification; she must unfetter herself with a count of hefsek taharah, seven clean days, and immersion.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2. | ||
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==Touching== | ==Touching== | ||
#Physical affection of any form is prohibited to a couple during the women's niddah period. To safeguard this sin, the Rabbis prohibited any form of physical contact, even of infinitesimal and unaffectionate touch.<ref> | #Physical affection of any form is prohibited to a couple during the women's niddah period. To safeguard this sin, the Rabbis prohibited any form of physical contact, even of infinitesimal and unaffectionate touch.<ref>Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah (1:360) permit non-affectionate touch. All other Rishonim reject this opinion. This includes, Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=347 Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a]), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Following them, Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:2) prohibits any touch, even when not done for pleasure. </ref> | ||
#Moreover, the couple must refrain from touching the others outfit that is being worn (e.g., one spouse cannot remove dirt off the other's coat while he/she is wearing it). This is prohibited even if the other can not feel the touch. Additionally, they should even avoid their outfits from touching. This restriction applies only to garments being worn, one may touch clothing not currently worn.<ref>Rashbatz (Responsa Tashbetz, vol. 3, no. 58), Pitchei Teshuva (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Darchei Tahara (pg. 41), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 86) </ref> | #Moreover, the couple must refrain from touching the others outfit that is being worn (e.g., one spouse cannot remove dirt off the other's coat while he/she is wearing it). This is prohibited even if the other can not feel the touch. Additionally, they should even avoid their outfits from touching. This restriction applies only to garments being worn, one may touch clothing not currently worn.<ref>Rashbatz (Responsa Tashbetz, vol. 3, no. 58), Pitchei Teshuva (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Darchei Tahara (pg. 41), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 86) </ref> | ||
==Intimate Speech== | ==Intimate Speech== | ||
# | #During this period, a couple must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or light-headedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted. | ||
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#A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, because this is not considered intimate speech.<ref>Responsa Be'er Moshe (Vol. 3, No. 155). See The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 39 with footnote 65) who exemplifies statements included in this category: "The food tastes great" or "This dress looks very nice on you". </ref> The same applies to speech normally used to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home.<ref>Nitei Gavriel (Niddah 33:4) quoting Chazon Ish </ref> | |||
# | #Buying a gift for one another during this time is permitted. This also includes a husband buying flowers for his wife on Erev Shabbat or on the occasion of her birthday. All this is provided these presents not lead them to act intimate or touch.<ref>Responsa Shevet Halevi (vol. 5, no. 115-116), Tahrat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 109)</ref> | ||
#Reading a book together is permitted, provided that they are cautious not to touch one another.<ref>Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 108)</ref> | |||
#There is a dispute between the authorities in regards to a couple playing board games together during this period. Leniency understandably is provided that they do not come to lighthearted or physical behavior.<ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (vol. 2, pg. 264) quoting Rabbi Elyashiv as forbidding. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) however, argues and permits this. See also Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 123) who writes that the custom is to permit this. He does however recommend various precautions couples should implement during recreational play.</ref> | |||
==Seclusion== | ==Seclusion== | ||
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#Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | #Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | ||
#It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | #It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | ||
==Looking at One's Wife== | ==Looking at One's Wife== | ||
