Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions
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'''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are Rabbinic supplementary restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead to gravely forbidden Biblical actions during the niddah period. Since couples have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, the Sages with their psychological understanding and insight saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples, not to interactions with women whom | '''Harchakot''' (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. ''separations'') are Rabbinic supplementary restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead to gravely forbidden Biblical actions during the niddah period. Since couples have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, the Sages with their psychological understanding and insight saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples, not to interactions with women with whom a man invariably may not touch.<ref>Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47), Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See however Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for miscellaneous laws of distance one must practice when interacting with women. </ref> | ||
These precautions commence with a | These precautions commence with a woman's menstruation and extends all the way until the culmination of her purification process, immersion.<ref>Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yorei Deah 195:1), Torat HaTaharah (p. 95), Taharat Yosef (3:1) </ref> This prohibition remains even if a woman reached menopause, when she no longer experiences menstrual cycles, and in the past has not followed the requisite steps to purification; she must unfetter herself with a count of hefsek taharah, seven clean days, and immersion.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2. | ||
*Tosfot Shabbat 13b (s.v. biymey) point out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it appears like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also seems to hold like rashi. Tosfot argue that this is incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=345 Torat Habayit 4a]), Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Baalei Hanefesh p. 10]), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. (See Rashba who argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.)</ref> | *Tosfot Shabbat 13b (s.v. biymey) point out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it appears like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also seems to hold like rashi. Tosfot argue that this is incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8922&st=&pgnum=345 Torat Habayit 4a]), Raavad ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=8785&st=&pgnum=8 Baalei Hanefesh p. 10]), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. (See Rashba who argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.)</ref> | ||
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==Intimate Speech== | ==Intimate Speech== | ||
# | #One should be careful not to act in an overly frivolous and light-headed manner when his wife is a niddah, nor should they speak of intimate matters, in order that they not come to transgress.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 96-97. | ||
*The Avot D’rabbi Natan 2:1 writes that it is forbidden to speak unnecessary speech. The Tur 195:1 and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explains that it is only referring to intimate speech which could lead to sin. Meiri Niddah 64a agreed. Shach 195:2 codifies the opinion of the Rashba.</ref> | |||
# | #Some poskim permit playing games together when your wife is a niddah unless it leads to lightheartedness.<ref>Mishmeret Hatahara (195:7 v. 2 p. 264) quotes Rav Elyashiv as saying that playing board games such as chess and checkers together with his wife when she’s a niddah is forbidden. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) argues that playing chess or games is permitted unless it leads to lightheartedness.</ref> | ||
==Seclusion== | ==Seclusion== | ||
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#Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | #Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.<ref>Torat HaTaharah p. 100</ref> | ||
#It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | #It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.<ref>Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6</ref> | ||
==Expressing Affection== | |||
#A husband may send jewelry or gifts to his wife or send her flowers when she is a Niddah as long as he isn't too effusive with his love for her lest they be drawn to do something prohibited.<ref>Taharat Yosef 3:13 </ref> | |||
==Looking at One's Wife== | ==Looking at One's Wife== | ||
