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Halachot of Dating: Difference between revisions
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(Created page with "==Looking at One's Date== # If you're interested in getting married it is permitted and appropriate to look at a woman in order to see if you like her.<ref>Rambam Isurei Biyah...") |
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# A person should consult with his rebbe from yeshiva how often to go out during engagement is considered appropriate.<ref>Beer Yisrael p. 51</ref> | # A person should consult with his rebbe from yeshiva how often to go out during engagement is considered appropriate.<ref>Beer Yisrael p. 51</ref> | ||
==Age for Marriage== | ==Age for Marriage== | ||
# If a person is concerned that getting married will cause him to be caught up with concerns of parnasa and won’t have an ability to learn he can delay getting married until he is 24. <ref>Nitai Gavriel Shiduchim p. 71</ref> | # If a person is concerned that getting married will cause him to be caught up with concerns of parnasa and won’t have an ability to learn he can delay getting married until he is 24.<ref>Nitai Gavriel Shiduchim p. 71</ref> | ||
==Yichud== | ==Yichud== | ||
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* Aruch Hashulchan 695:18 adds that the real issue is that when a man gives a woman a gift it leads to a closeness which is inappropriate. Tzemech Yehuda 3:235:4 agrees. Chashukei Chemed Megillah 4a quotes Rav Elyashiv as holding that if there’s no other choice a man could give mishloach manot to a woman if given in a manner that wouldn’t cause to closeness. | * Aruch Hashulchan 695:18 adds that the real issue is that when a man gives a woman a gift it leads to a closeness which is inappropriate. Tzemech Yehuda 3:235:4 agrees. Chashukei Chemed Megillah 4a quotes Rav Elyashiv as holding that if there’s no other choice a man could give mishloach manot to a woman if given in a manner that wouldn’t cause to closeness. | ||
Betzel Chochma 5:51 writes that the Rama was only concerned about kiddushin. He adds that one doesn’t have to be concerned about inappropriate interactions since one is doing a mitzvah of mishloach manot. Additionally, nowadays we are lenient to greet a woman (Rama EH 21:4) and as such we can be lenient in this regard as well. However, he advises not relying on that unless one’s intent is completely pure.</ref> | Betzel Chochma 5:51 writes that the Rama was only concerned about kiddushin. He adds that one doesn’t have to be concerned about inappropriate interactions since one is doing a mitzvah of mishloach manot. Additionally, nowadays we are lenient to greet a woman (Rama EH 21:4) and as such we can be lenient in this regard as well. However, he advises not relying on that unless one’s intent is completely pure.</ref> | ||
==Date Specific Shaylot== | |||
===Paint Night, Wax sculptures=== | |||
#See Drawing a Pasuk [[Respecting_Holy_Books#Writing_Pesukim]] | |||
#See Drawing a Sun, Moon or Stars [[Drawing_or_Sculpting_Forbidden_Images#Sun.2C_Moon.2C_and_Stars]] | |||
#Making a human sculptures [[Drawing_or_Sculpting_Forbidden_Images#Human_Images]] | |||
===Art Museums=== | |||
# See [[Kippah#Wearing_a_Kippah_in_a_Place_not_Suitable_for_a_Religious_Jew]] | |||
===Movie=== | |||
#See [[Internet,_TV,_Social_Media]] | |||
===Sports Games=== | |||
#See [[Inappropriate Staring at the Opposite Gender]] | |||
===Ice Skating, Archery=== | |||
#See [[Modesty]] | |||
#See [[Inappropriate Staring at the Opposite Gender]] | |||
#Catching her if she falls see [[Negiah]] | |||
===Arcade, Casino, Bingo=== | |||
#Regarding gambling see [[Minhagim_of_Chanukah#Dreidel]] | |||
===Going to the Zoo=== | |||
#Regarding Brachos when seeing certain animals see [[Bracha for an Unusual Creature]]. | |||
#(Does seeing non-kosher animals cause spiritual damage?) | |||
===Scavenger Hunt in Barnes&Nobles=== | |||
#See [[Deceitful Practices#Window Shopping]] | |||
===Hotel Lobby=== | |||
#See [[Marit Ayin]] | |||
== Pouching a Shidduch == | |||
# If a couple got engaged (and they wrote up tenayim or shidduchim or didn't write anything, but made a decision to get engaged in a place where they don't write tenayim or shidduchim) it is forbidden for a man to try to date and marry that woman. Stealing a shidduch is a violation of the cherem of breaking an engagement as well as a violation of stealing something that someone else was trying to get (ani ha'mehapech b'charara).<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:91. Rav Moshe explains that there's a cherem to break an engaged once they if they wrote up tenayim or shidduchim or if they decided to get engaged in a place where they do not write tenayim or shidduchim. In terms of ''ani hamehapech b'charara'' seemingly it should be permitted for two reasons: 1) According to Rabbenu Tam, there's no issue of ''ani hamehapech b'charara'' when dealing with something that is free. Since marrying a woman is like getting something from hefker (ownerless), stealing a fiancé is permitted. 2) According to Maharam, there's no issue of ''ani hamehapech b'charara'' before the buyer and seller decided on a price. So too, with an engagement there's no prohibition before they write the tenayim. However, Rav Moshe writes that since there's a cherem to break the engagement there's also a prohibition of ''ani hamehapech b'charara'' to steal an engaged woman. He explains that there's two approach to Rabbenu Tam. One is that something that everyone can acquire equally like hefker is not subject to ''ani hamehapech b'charara'' (Rama citing Radach). But the engaged woman is not equally available to anyone. Another reason for Rabbenu Tam, is that hefker doesn't belong to anyone so it is fine to take it (Shach citing Ramban). But with engagement since both the man and woman want to marry it is like they're married in the sense that it would be forbidden for anyone else to marry her.</ref> | |||
# If a couple got engaged and in their place they usually write up tenayim or shidduchim and they didn't yet get to do that, according to Ashkenazim it is technically permitted for a man to try to date marry that woman but a yireh shamayim would not do such a thing.<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:91 s.v. yatza</ref> | |||
# If a man and woman are dating and are not engaged, it is technically permitted for another man to try to date and marry that woman.<ref>Igrot Moshe EH 1:91</ref> | |||
==Sources== | ==Sources== | ||
{{Reflist|2}} | {{Reflist|2}} | ||
[[Category:Marriage]] | [[Category:Marriage]] | ||
