Comforting the Mourners: Difference between revisions

# It is crucial to remember that the reason for one's visit to the house of mourning is to comfort the mourner(s), and so one must be considerate to their wishes.<ref>Cf. Sefer Ahavas Chessed 3:6 and Sh"T Teshuvos V'Hanhagos 3:378</ref>

# There are two components to comforting the mourner; one, easing the pain of the living relatives and two, showing a last honor to the deceased.<ref>Rambam (Avel 14:7)</ref> There's an additional productive aspect of going to the house of mourners; it reminds a person of the fragility of life.<ref>Ketubot 72a</ref>

# Those coming to comfort the avel should not initiate conversation but should respond when the mourner begins to speak. <ref>Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:1 </ref>Just listening and enabling the mourner to relieve some of his pain by expressing his emotions is a form of comfort. <ref>Yoma 75a</ref>

# One should not say “What could you have done? You can’t change what Hashem decreed.” since this implies that if one were able to change what Hashem decreed, one would have, which is blasphemous. Rather one should accept Hashem’s decrees.<ref>Gemara Bava Kama 38a, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:4</ref>