Shiva

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One whose relative has passed away has an obligation[1] to engage in several practices of mourning. The week of mourning, which begins (under normal circumstances) from the time of burial and continues for seven days, is colloquially referred to as "shiva" and is associated with several laws and customs.

For Whom Does One Sit "Shiva"

  1. There are seven relatives for whom one is obligated to mourn: one's (1) father, (2) mother, (3) son, (4) daughter, (5) sister, (6) brother, and (7) spouse.[2] One who is not biologically related to the deceased 'relative' is not obligated to mourn for them.[3]
  2. A ger (convert) is not obligated to mourn for his relatives.[4]
  3. The Rabbis decreed that one whose immediate relative (i.e. one of the seven described above) is in mourning should also act as if he himself is in mourning, as long as he is in the presence of his mourning relative.[5] Today, however, some believe that this rule is no longer in effect.[6]
  4. Generally speaking, one does not mourn for a deceased person who has rebelled against Judaism,[7] or one who committed suicide,[8] although there are many possible exceptions to this rule, so every case must be determined by a qualified posek.[9]
  5. One does not mourn for a baby born prematurely who dies within thirty days of its birth, although there is considerable debate regarding how to determine "premature" in this context.[10]

When Aveilus Begins and Ends

  1. Normally, aveilus begins from the end of the burial.[11][12] Technically, the aveilim can keep their leather shoes on until they get home, but the custom is to remove them immediately after the burial.[13]
  2. A relative who is not accompanying the meis to the place of burial begins the aveilus from the time that (s)he turns away from the meis,[14] as long as the burial is far enough that those relatives will certainly not make it to the burial.[15] However, if the burial is being done in the city's cemetery, the aneinus ends without the aveilus beginning until those who were busy with the burial return[16]
  3. Aveilus is not practiced for the full seven days, but ends on the morning of the seventh day, because we say that מקצת היום ככולו, part of the last day counts as if it were a whole day.[17]

Prohibitions for the Avel

  1. The avel is prohibited from working or leaving the house
  2. washing/bathing/anoiting
  3. wearing shoes
  4. tashmish hamitah
  5. learning Torah
  6. greeting others
  7. Today, the custom is not to turn over the beds or wrap one's head.
  8. laundering clothing and wearing freshly laundered clothing
  9. haircutting and shaving
  10. other practices

Tefillin for a Mourner

  1. On the first day of Shiva, if the burial is was on the same day as the passing, an Avel may not wear Tefillin, as the first day is most bitter.[18]
  2. If the burial is not on the day of passing, as is very common nowadays, many Poskim hold that the Avel is, in fact, obligated to put on Tefillin, while others firmly believe that he is still forbidden from doing so. According to those who hold one should wear them, one should do so in a closed room without a Beracha.[19]
  3. The Minhag is to wear Rabbeinu Tam Tefillin during Avelut.[20]

Aveilus on Shabbos and Yom Tov

  1. One is prohibited to display signs of mourning on Shabbos and Yom Tov.

Behavior towards Visitors

  1. A mourner does not have to stand up for his/her guests, even if the guest is a Talmid Chacham or person of high stature.[21] However, if the mourner did stand, one need not tell him to sit, and doing so is considered a bad omen.[22] Some require the avel to stand for a Sefer Torah.[23]

At the Beis Ha'Avel (or "Shiva House")

  1. The Sages instituted certain additions to Bentching said at the beis ha'avel, although customs differ as to the details.[24]
  2. The minhag is to say Tehillim chapter 49 after Shacharit and Mincha. It is good also to learn mishnayot there for the Iylui Nishama. [25]
  3. Some have the practice not to bring food out of the shiva house[26] if the person died at home[27]. However, many are lenient about this.[28]

Sources

  1. ↑ There is a difference of opinion as to whether this obligation is derabanan or deoraisa, see below.
  2. ↑ Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4. The Rambam in Hilchos Avel 2:1 considers the obligation of mourning for a spouse to be Midivreihem, which most (cf. Lechem Mishnah there) assume to mean that it is derabanan (although this is not the understanding of the Kesef Mishnah there). Ramban, however, in Toras HaAdam (Chavel ed.) page 213 believes that it must be deoraisa. Additionally, Ramban writes (to Vayikra 21:3) that mourning for one's married sister, or a married sister mourning for her brother, is only derabanan.
  3. ↑ Thus, an adopted child, strictly speaking, does not need to mourn for his/her parents. However, some have the practice to do so anyway out of respect and gratitude for their adopted parents. Pischei Teshuvah 374:3 writes that one should mourn for his/her step-parent.
  4. ↑ Rama 391:1, against the opinion of the Mordechai in Maseches Semachos
  5. ↑ Gemara Moed Kattan 20b, Shulchan Aruch 376:6. See Tosfos there regarding one's spouse's relative
  6. ↑ Hagahos Maimoni Avel 2:2 writes that the mourners can forgo this right to have their relatives mourn with them, and so the Rama in 376:6 writes that it is assumed that today everyone relinquishes this right.
  7. ↑ Sanhedrin 47a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 304:5 and Shach 304:8 (applying the Rosh and Mordechai Moed Kattan 886) that even one who sinned only for pleasure, but repeatedly, is also excluded from being mourned),
  8. ↑ Maseches Semachos 2:1, Shluchan Aruch Y.D. 345:1, against the opinion of Ramban in Toras HaAdam pg. 83
  9. ↑ cf. Chasam Sofer Sh"T Y.D. 326, Ritva Avodah Zarah 18a, Birkei Yosef Y.D. 341:2, Kol Bo Aveilus 1:4:3:39, Yabia Omer vol. 2, no. 24 miluim 15
  10. ↑ Cf. Niddah 44b, Shulchan Aruch Y.D 374:8, Rama E.H. 156:4
  11. ↑ Moed Kattan 27a (and elsewhere), according to R' Yehoshua regarding turning over the bed. Rashi (Kesuvos 4b) as understood by Ramban (Toras HaAdam pg. 156), holds that aveilus begins from the time that the casket is covered, even before it is placed in the ground, and the burial is only relevant if the body is buried without a casket. However, Shach (Y.D. 373:11) disputes this interpretation of Rashi, and Tosfos (Kesuvos 4b) write that aveilus begin when the stone covering is placed over the grave, or, if there is none, then it begins from the time that the relatives turn away from grave, having considered their burial complete. Bach (Tur Y.D. 375) believes that the Shulchan Aruch paskens like Rashi, but the based upon the Shach just cited, most assume that the aveilus does not begin until the end of the burial. According to Badei Hashulchan 375:2 quoting Daas Torah, the burial is not considered complete until the customary mound of earth is made marking the grave.
  12. ↑ Although it is true that the aveilus does not begin until the completion of the burial, the period of aninus (at least for the purpose of davening) appears to end beforehand, from the beginning of the burial. Both Magen Avraham (O.C. 71:1) and Aruch Hashulchan (Y.D. 341:28) write that as soon as the body or casket begins to be covered by earth, the relatives may daven.
  13. ↑ Ramban Toras HaAdam pg. 154, Shulchan Aruch 375:1. Badei Hashulchan Biurim "ve'achshav" writes that this may in fact be required according to the Magen Avraham O.C. 554:17, but the Aruch Hashulchan 375:5 writes that this is merely a custom which developed in order to symbolically display the onset of aveilus.
  14. ↑ Moed Kattan 22a.
  15. ↑ Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2. Ramban (Toras HaAdam pg. 162, based on Rambam Avel 1:5) writes that this is only the case if the meis is being brought to a faraway city, and according to the Dagul Merevavah to Shach 375:1 is how the Shulchan Aruch paskens. However, the Behag (as quoted by Ramban, ibid.) appears to pasken that the relatives begin aveilus from the time that they turn away regardless of where the burial will be, and the Shulchan Aruch quotes this Behag in Y.D. 399:14. According to the Dagul Merevavah and Chachmas Adam (Matzeves Moshe 9), if the burial occurs in the same city, but a relative turns away from the procession and will certainly not return, such as on erev Yom Tov, this too would be enough to start aveilus.
  16. ↑ Ramabn Toras HaAdam pg. 163, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2 as interpreted by Aruch Hashulchan 375:8 and paskened by Igros Moshe Y.D. 1:253 and Badei Hashulchan 375:11. However, Radbaz Sh"T 4:63 understands that even according to Ramban, once night falls, or once the relatives can be certain that the burial has occurred, they begin aveilus even if the burial occurred within their city despite not being present at the burial itself. See also Minchas Shelomo 1:91:25 regarding contemporary situations. In some situations, if the head of the family does not accompany the meis to the burial, then even the relatives who have stayed behind begin aveilus only after the burial. See Tosfos Moed Kattan 22a, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 375:2
  17. ↑ Moed Kattan 19b
  18. ↑ The Basics
    The Gemara (Berachot 11a and 16b, Succah 25a, Moed Kattan 15a, and Ketubot 6b) learns from the fact that Hashem told Yechezkel to put on his Tefillin while mourning for his wife that a regular Avel may not do so.
    Elsewhere (Moed Kattan 21a), the Gemara presents two Machalokets between R' Eliezer and R' Yehoshua. In the first, R' Eliezer holds an Avel is prohibited from wearing Tefillin (Hanacha) until the third day, and R' Yehoshua holds until the second day. Additionally, R' Yehoshua holds that, if the Avel put on Tefillin on the days he's permitted to, if Panim Chadashot (people who have not yet been Menachem him) come to visit, he must take them off (Choletz). R' Eliezer, on the hand, holds that he does not need to (Eino Choletz). The Amoraim debate the final Halacha and conclude that the Halacha follows R' Yehoshua regarding Hanacha and R' Eliezer with respect to Chalitzah, once the Avel puts them on on the second day.
    Miktzat HaYom KeKulo and the Rishonim
    Seemingly, the Gemara is employing the Halachic mechanism of Miktzat HaYom KeKulo in allowing him to put on Tefillin only from some point on the second day. See the exact text of the Gemara and Rashi for a clearer picture.
    In codifying this Halacha, the Rif and Rambam (Hilchot Avel 4:9) only write that an Avel may not wear Tefillin on the first day and seem to make no mention of the second day. In fact, the Rambam's use of the words "ביום הראשון בלבד" seem to clearly indicate that he understood the Gemara in its most minimal sense.
    The Rosh (Moed Kattan 3:23) begins unsure if the Rif implies the Miktzat HaYom is implemented from Netz or from after davening. He concludes that the Miktzat HaYom is fulfilled from Netz.
    The Ramban (Torat HaAdam, Shaar HaAvel, Inyan HaAvelut 67) quotes the Raavad who holds that the Miktzat HaYom is only completed from after Shacharit. He also picks up on the lack of a second day in the Rif and explains that it must be the Rif held the Mikzat HaYom was fulfilled with the preceding night, making the entire second day appropriate for putting on Tefillin. He also quotes the Yerushalmi, which makes no indication that there should be a Miktzat HaYom in the first place. See also Rosh ibid 3:3.
    Regarding the need for a Miktzat HaYom in the first place, Tosafot (ibid) says it's a din MiDeRabbanan, and the Ramban (ibid) quotes the Raavad that it's lehashlim the Aveilut.
    The Tur (OC 38:5) quotes just the language of the Rif. The Beit Yosef extrapolates from the Rosh that, even though Laylah is Zeman Tefillin, since it's Assur to wear them at night, one needs a Miktzat HaYom during the day itself to be able to wear them. The Ran (Succah, on the Rif 11b), who quotes the Ramban above, on the other hand, must hold that even though Laylah is not Zeman Tefillin, it still counts for Miktzat HaYom, since the Avel is still prohibited from wearing them. See Rambam Hilchot Tefillin 4:10.
    In Yoreh Deah (388), the Tur paskens the Gemara as explained above and then says how Yesh Omrim the Miktzat HaYom is from after davening, and the Rif and Rosh paskened from Netz (see Bach). Here, the Beit Yosef is very terse and seems to even equate the Rosh with the Rambam (see Ohr Letzion vol. 1 OC Siman 6, as this could be an additional proof to his thesis).
    The Shulchan Aruch in Yoreh Deah paskens like the Rosh that the Miktzat HaYom is from Netz, as does the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Aleph, Chayeh Sarah 12).
  19. ↑ The Maharitatz (Chiddushim on Eizehu Neshech, quoted by Be'er Heitev (38:5) and Pitchei Teshuvah (YD 388) famously holds that the reason why the Avel is not allowed to wear Tefillin on the first day is because it's Min HaTorah, which is only when the burial and passing are on the same day. Therefore, when the burial takes place the next day and Avelut is subsequently MiDeRabbanan, the Avel is in fact Chayav in Tefillin. The Taz (OC 38:3), and Dagul Mervava, Birkei Yosef, and Mishnah Brurahh disagree.
    The Acharonim have have a field day taking sides for or against the Maharitatz in this Machaloket, the true scope of which is most suited for a Teshuva in Yabia Omer (vol. 2 YD Siman 27).
    Among recent Acharonim, the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Aleph, Chayeh Sarah 12; Od Yosef Chai, Vayera 11, 12, 45), Kaf HaChaim (OC 38:16), and Ohr Letzion (vol. 1, OC Siman 6) pasken against the Maharitatz. At the same time, due to the great number of Acharonim who do pasken like the Maharitatz (including R' Yitzchak Elchanan and the Chazon Ish, see Yabia Omer ibid for the full list), Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo: Tefillah, Perek 18, 5), Rav Ovadia Yosef (Yabia Omer ibid), and the Piskei Teshuvot (38, Seif Kattan 6) pasken that one should wear them privately without a Beracha. See Magen Avot (Lebhar, Yoreh Deah volume, Siman 388) where he brings the Moroccan Minhag not like the Maharitatz and claims the rest of the world holds that way, as well.
  20. ↑ The Chidah (Birkei Yosef) paskened that one shouldn't wear Rabbeinu Tam Tefillin, as it's a Machaloket HaMekubalim and Shev ve'al Ta'aseh Adif. The Ben Ish Chai (ibid and Od Yosef Chai Vayera 11, 12, 45) claims that the Minhag in Yerushalayim and Baghdad was like the Rashash to wear Rabbeinu Tam Tefillin, so he disagrees with the Chidah. This is also the opinion of the Kaf HaChaim (OC 38:21), who says that, among other considerations, based on the Siddur HaChidah and the fact that we wear them beTorat Chiyuv, the Avel should wear them. HaRav David Yosef (Halacha Brurahh 38:5:13) also paskens this way.
  21. ↑ Moed Kattan 27b, Rama Yoreh Deah 376:1.
  22. ↑ Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:2
  23. ↑ Sh"T Rivevos Efraim 7:230 quotes Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach is quoted as saying that even a mourner must stand for a sefer Torah if it passes by, although the Rivevos Efraim himself appears to be uncertain.
  24. ↑ Brachos 46b, Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 379:1
  25. ↑ Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 207:5
  26. ↑ Aruch Hashulchan 376:11
  27. ↑ Tzitz Eliezer (Even Yakov no. 44:4)
  28. ↑ Yosef Ometz p. 192
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