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Three Weeks: Difference between revisions
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===Engagement=== | ===Engagement=== | ||
#It is permitted to become engaged | #It is permitted to become engaged and write tenaim during the [[Nine Days]], even on [[Tisha BeAv]] itself, as long as there is no meal, music, or dancing.<ref>Shulchan Aruch O.C. 551:2 with Magen Avraham 551:10, and Mishna Brurah 551:16 and 19, Tur 551 in the name of Rav Nissim, Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 122:1, Pri Megadim Eshel Avraham 551:10, Baer Heitev 551:11, Moed Likol Chai 9:18, Ben Ish Chai Parashat Devarim 1:5, Chayei Adam 133:8, Aruch Hashulchan 551:8, Yalkut Yosef Moadim page 553. <br /> | ||
However, the Tzitz Eliezer (13:60) notes that many Jews refrain from doing so on Tisha B'Av. In addition, the Ben Ish Chai (Devarim: Halacha 4) writes that in Baghdad, they would not get engaged during the Nine Days between Rosh Chodesh Av and Tisha B'Av. He says further that it is preferred not to get engaged at all during the "Three Weeks." </ref> Until [[Rosh Chodesh]], one is allowed to celebrate the engagement with a festive meal but without dancing.<ref>Mishna Brurah 551:19 </ref> | However, the Tzitz Eliezer (13:60) notes that many Jews refrain from doing so on Tisha B'Av. In addition, the Ben Ish Chai (Devarim: Halacha 4) writes that in Baghdad, they would not get engaged during the Nine Days between Rosh Chodesh Av and Tisha B'Av. He says further that it is preferred not to get engaged at all during the "Three Weeks." </ref> Until [[Rosh Chodesh]], one is allowed to celebrate the engagement with a festive meal but without dancing.<ref>Mishna Brurah 551:19 </ref> | ||
#It is permitted for the chattan and kallah to wear Shabbat clothing to their engagement party.<ref>Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:14:4 </ref> | #It is permitted for the chattan and kallah to wear Shabbat clothing to their engagement party.<ref>Halichos Shlomo Moadim 2:14:4 </ref> | ||
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#An engagement or vort may be celebrated with a meal during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh Av.<ref>Mishna Brurah 551:19 (with Shaar Hatziyun 551:26) holds that having a meal for writing the tenayim, agreement that a couple will get married, is permitted during the Three Weeks since it is a mitzvah. Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45) agrees and applies this to engagements and vorts.</ref> | #An engagement or vort may be celebrated with a meal during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh Av.<ref>Mishna Brurah 551:19 (with Shaar Hatziyun 551:26) holds that having a meal for writing the tenayim, agreement that a couple will get married, is permitted during the Three Weeks since it is a mitzvah. Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45) agrees and applies this to engagements and vorts.</ref> | ||
#It is permitted to celebrate a birthday party during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh Av.<ref>Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45)</ref> Regarding a good bye party one should ask one's rabbi. | #It is permitted to celebrate a birthday party during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh Av.<ref>Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45)</ref> Regarding a good bye party one should ask one's rabbi. | ||
# Is it permissible to go a sports game during the Three Weeks? Some poskim permit it and consider any music that is listened to as incidental. Other poskim forbid it because it is like an activity done with a group of friends which is forbidden during the Three Weeks. Even within those who permit, some only permit until Rosh Chodesh but not in the Nine Days.<ref>Tiferet Efraim pp. 481-482 quotes Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky (Kovetz Halachot pp. 15-18) who permitted going to a sports game even during the Nine Days and didn't consider the music to be a problem. Since the music isn't the main focus and is just incidental it is fine. However, he also quotes Rav Moshe Feinstein (Shemaytata Dmoshe 551:6) as holding that it is permitted during the Three Weeks but not the Nine Days. Rav Soloveitchik as quoted there held that going to a sports game is forbidden during the Three Weeks because it is a group activity, where being there with others is a simcha shel rabbim.</ref> | # Is it permissible to go a sports game during the Three Weeks? Some poskim permit it and consider any music that is listened to as incidental. Other poskim forbid it because it is like an activity done with a group of friends which is forbidden during the Three Weeks. Even within those who permit, some only permit until Rosh Chodesh but not in the Nine Days.<ref>Tiferet Efraim pp. 481-482 quotes Rav Shmuel Kamenetsky (Kovetz Halachot pp. 15-18) who permitted going to a sports game even during the Nine Days and didn't consider the music to be a problem. Since the music isn't the main focus and is just incidental it is fine. However, he also quotes Rav Moshe Feinstein (Shemaytata Dmoshe 551:6) as holding that it is permitted during the Three Weeks but not the Nine Days. Rav Soloveitchik as quoted there held that going to a sports game is forbidden during the Three Weeks because it is a group activity, where being there with others is a simcha shel rabbim.</ref> | ||
#It is permissible to give gifts during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh. However, one should not give a gift that would require the recipient to recite [[shehechiyanu]].<ref>Shaarei Teshuva 551:18*, Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45)</ref> | #It is permissible to give gifts during the Three Weeks until Rosh Chodesh. However, one should not give a gift that would require the recipient to recite [[shehechiyanu]].<ref>Shaarei Teshuva 551:18*, Laws of Daily Living: The Three Weeks (p. 45)</ref> | ||
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# If there is a [[Pidyon Haben]] during the Three Weeks, according to Sephardim the father may shave or cut his hair,<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot v. 2 p. 335)</ref> while according to Ashkenazim they may not.<ref>[https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46439&pgnum=135 Nitai Gavriel 20:5]</ref> | # If there is a [[Pidyon Haben]] during the Three Weeks, according to Sephardim the father may shave or cut his hair,<ref>Yalkut Yosef (Sova Semachot v. 2 p. 335)</ref> while according to Ashkenazim they may not.<ref>[https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46439&pgnum=135 Nitai Gavriel 20:5]</ref> | ||
#It is forbidden to take a haircut for a bar mitzva.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein quoted in Moadei Yeshurun page 128. Rivevot Ephraim (1:337 and 2:155:20) and [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46439&pgnum=135 Nitei Gavriel 20:6] quoting some opinions allow for a bar mitzva boy to get a haircut until the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. </ref> | #It is forbidden to take a haircut for a bar mitzva.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein quoted in Moadei Yeshurun page 128. Rivevot Ephraim (1:337 and 2:155:20) and [https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=46439&pgnum=135 Nitei Gavriel 20:6] quoting some opinions allow for a bar mitzva boy to get a haircut until the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. </ref> | ||
#Some say if one’s hair is so long that it is a chatzitzah for [[tefillin]] then one is permitted to get a haircut.<ref>Shalmei Moed page 476, Nitei Gavriel 19:7 </ref> | #Some say that if one’s hair is so long that it is a chatzitzah for [[tefillin]] then one is permitted to get a haircut.<ref>Shalmei Moed page 476, Nitei Gavriel 19:7 </ref> | ||
#It is permitted to cut one's hair during the Three Weeks if it will cause great monetary loss, but not during the week of Tisha B'av. If it will not cause loss, it is prohibited even if the hair makes him uncomfortable.<ref>Iggerot Moshe OC 4:102. See Igros Moshe Choshen Mishpat 93. see also See also Halichos Shlomo Moadim vol. 2 page 414 </ref> | #It is permitted to cut one's hair during the Three Weeks if it will cause great monetary loss, but not during the week of Tisha B'av. If it will not cause loss, it is prohibited even if the hair makes him uncomfortable.<ref>Iggerot Moshe OC 4:102. See Igros Moshe Choshen Mishpat 93. see also See also Halichos Shlomo Moadim vol. 2 page 414 </ref> | ||
#Some poskim allow a child under the age of six to get a haircut.<ref>Iggerot Moshe YD 1:224 and Aruch Hashulchan 551:31. Mishna Brurah 551:81 and Shaar Hatziyun 551:91 as well as the Chayei Adam 133:18 conclude that children even below 6 should not get haircuts and bring two reasons from the Terumat Hadeshen 142. One being [[chinuch]], in which case it would only apply to older than six and the other being "agmat nefesh," meaning it makes people feel more pain to see children [[mourning]], in which case it would apply to even children under 6. Chanoch lanaar 21:2:1, Nitei Gavriel 20:7, Rivevot Ephraim 1:336:2, 2:155:19 say that if an upsherin falls out during the Three Weeks one should either push it up or postpone it. Torat Yekutiel 1:47 is lenient. </ref> | #Some poskim allow a child under the age of six to get a haircut.<ref>Iggerot Moshe YD 1:224 and Aruch Hashulchan 551:31. Mishna Brurah 551:81 and Shaar Hatziyun 551:91 as well as the Chayei Adam 133:18 conclude that children even below 6 should not get haircuts and bring two reasons from the Terumat Hadeshen 142. One being [[chinuch]], in which case it would only apply to older than six and the other being "agmat nefesh," meaning it makes people feel more pain to see children [[mourning]], in which case it would apply to even children under 6. Chanoch lanaar 21:2:1, Nitei Gavriel 20:7, Rivevot Ephraim 1:336:2, 2:155:19 say that if an upsherin falls out during the Three Weeks one should either push it up or postpone it. Torat Yekutiel 1:47 is lenient. </ref> | ||
#It is permitted to comb and style one's hair during the Three Weeks and [[Nine Days]] and one doesn't have to worry that one will pull out hairs.<ref>Eliya Rabba 551:7, Shaare Teshuva 551:12, Mishna Brurah 551:20, Aruch Hashulchan 551:15, Sh"t Yechave Daat 6:35, Ben Ish Chai Devarim 14, Kaf Hachayim 551:46. </ref> | #It is permitted to comb and style one's hair during the Three Weeks and [[Nine Days]], and one doesn't have to worry that one will pull out hairs.<ref>Eliya Rabba 551:7, Shaare Teshuva 551:12, Mishna Brurah 551:20, Aruch Hashulchan 551:15, Sh"t Yechave Daat 6:35, Ben Ish Chai Devarim 14, Kaf Hachayim 551:46. </ref> | ||
#The poskim debate if one can trim his eyebrows during the Three Weeks.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (quoted in Nitei Gavriel Bein Hametzarim pg. 130) says that may not do so during the Three Weeks either. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo vol. 2: pg. 414) disagrees and permits it. Devar Halachah 9, Shalmei Moed page 477 agrees. </ref> | #The poskim debate if one can trim his eyebrows during the Three Weeks.<ref>Rav Moshe Feinstein (quoted in Nitei Gavriel Bein Hametzarim pg. 130) says that may not do so during the Three Weeks either. Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Halichot Shlomo vol. 2: pg. 414) disagrees and permits it. Devar Halachah 9, Shalmei Moed page 477 agrees. </ref> | ||
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===Wigs=== | ===Wigs=== | ||
#Women may get their sheitels cut or styled during the Three Weeks | #Women may get their sheitels cut or styled during the Three Weeks, as sheitels are considered their garments, not their hair.<ref>Nitei Gavriel (Bein Hamitzarim pg. 139) </ref> | ||
==Shaving== | ==Shaving== | ||
#There is a general prohibition of [[shaving]] during the Three Weeks | #There is a general prohibition of [[shaving]] during the Three Weeks. However, there are several situations which may warrant [[shaving]], including a person who shaves everyday, [[shaving]] for work, and [[shaving]] for Kavod [[Shabbat]]. As each one of these is a dispute and unclear if it is totally permissible, a person should follow his father’s minhag or ask his local Rabbi for guidance.<ref>Since S”A 551:12 rules that it’s forbidden to cut any hair on one’s body during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] as a din from the Gemara it would seem clear that it’s forbidden to shave during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. Additionally, Ashkenazim who follow the Rama shouldn’t be able to shave during the entire Three Weeks as Rama 551:4 writes that the minhagim of the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] apply to the entire Three Weeks. However, there are several leniencies in the Achronim. | ||
*(1) [[Shaving]] Regularly: Magen Avraham 551:14 explains that the reason the Rama is strict by cutting hair all three week and is lenient by washing clothes (that it should only begin from [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av) is because it wasn’t common to cut hair every week. This Magen Avraham is brought by the Achronim including the Chaye Adam 133:17, and Mishna Brurah 551:32. Additionally, Aruch HaShulchan 551:16 explains that it takes 3 weeks of not cutting hair to make it recognizable that one is in [[mourning]]. Based on this, Shearim Metzuyanim BeHalacha 122:5 says that those who usually shave every 2-3 days should be able to shave since for them it’s just like washing clothes. Rav Ovadyah in Chazon Ovadyah (Vol Arba Taniot pg 162) based on this M”A says that seemingly, Ashkenazim should be allowed to shave for Kavod [[Shabbat]] prior to the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. However, Sh”t Shaar Zekenim pg 88a (quoted by Kaf HaChaim 551:65), Shivilei Dovid 551:4, and Rav Vozner in Sh”t Shevet HaLevi 10:81:3 reject this leniency based on the minhag to be strict for all circumstances. | *(1) [[Shaving]] Regularly: Magen Avraham 551:14 explains that the reason the Rama is strict by cutting hair all three week and is lenient by washing clothes (that it should only begin from [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av) is because it wasn’t common to cut hair every week. This Magen Avraham is brought by the Achronim including the Chaye Adam 133:17, and Mishna Brurah 551:32. Additionally, Aruch HaShulchan 551:16 explains that it takes 3 weeks of not cutting hair to make it recognizable that one is in [[mourning]]. Based on this, Shearim Metzuyanim BeHalacha 122:5 says that those who usually shave every 2-3 days should be able to shave since for them it’s just like washing clothes. Rav Ovadyah in Chazon Ovadyah (Vol Arba Taniot pg 162) based on this M”A says that seemingly, Ashkenazim should be allowed to shave for Kavod [[Shabbat]] prior to the week of [[Tisha BeAv]]. However, Sh”t Shaar Zekenim pg 88a (quoted by Kaf HaChaim 551:65), Shivilei Dovid 551:4, and Rav Vozner in Sh”t Shevet HaLevi 10:81:3 reject this leniency based on the minhag to be strict for all circumstances. | ||
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#The Ashkenazic custom is not to bathe or shower for all Nine Days even in cold water. The Sephardic custom is only to refrain from a warm bath or shower for the week of [[Tisha BeAv]].<ref>Rambam Hilchot Taaniot 5:6 writes that the custom is not to bathe or shower in warm water the week of Tisha BeAv. Mordechai Taanit 639, however, writes that it begins from [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av. Both opinions are quoted in Shulchan Aruch O.C. 551:16. Rama 551:16 writes that Ashkenazim begin this practice from Rosh Chodesh Av. Mishna Brurah 551:94 agrees. For Sephardim, Kaf Hachayim 551:186 writes that a person should follow the custom of the place where you are living. Yechave Daat 1:38 holds that the Sephardic custom is that one is permitted to shower in cold water throughout. Also, the Sephardic custom is only to stop using hot water for the week of [[Tisha BeAv]].</ref> | #The Ashkenazic custom is not to bathe or shower for all Nine Days even in cold water. The Sephardic custom is only to refrain from a warm bath or shower for the week of [[Tisha BeAv]].<ref>Rambam Hilchot Taaniot 5:6 writes that the custom is not to bathe or shower in warm water the week of Tisha BeAv. Mordechai Taanit 639, however, writes that it begins from [[Rosh Chodesh]] Av. Both opinions are quoted in Shulchan Aruch O.C. 551:16. Rama 551:16 writes that Ashkenazim begin this practice from Rosh Chodesh Av. Mishna Brurah 551:94 agrees. For Sephardim, Kaf Hachayim 551:186 writes that a person should follow the custom of the place where you are living. Yechave Daat 1:38 holds that the Sephardic custom is that one is permitted to shower in cold water throughout. Also, the Sephardic custom is only to stop using hot water for the week of [[Tisha BeAv]].</ref> | ||
#For [[Shabbat Chazon]], Ashkenazim hold that it is forbidden to bathe or shower one's whole body even in cold water. It is permitted to one's face, hands, feet, and | #For [[Shabbat Chazon]], Ashkenazim hold that it is forbidden to bathe or shower one's whole body even in cold water. It is permitted to wash one's face, hands, feet, and hair if one usually cleans that for Shabbat.<Ref>Rama 551:16, Mishna Brurah 551:94</ref> Sephardic poskim permit washing the whole body with hot water for Shabbat Chazon.<ref>Yechave Daat 1:38 </ref> | ||
#Many poskim hold that it is permitted to bathe or shower during the Nine Days | #Many poskim hold that it is permitted to bathe or shower during the Nine Days if the purpose is to remove dirt or sweat.<ref>Aruch Hashulchan 551:37. Dirshu 551:109 quotes this same point from Rav Chaim Zonenfeld and Rav Moshe Feinstein. However, they also quote Rav Chaim Kanievsky who held that it is forbidden to take a full body shower during the Nine Days even to remove sweat. Also, Rav Elyashiv only permitted showering during the Nine Days for someone who showered every day even during the winter.</ref> | ||
#Men who have the custom to use the mikveh daily can continue to use a cold mikveh during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] even according to the custom that people wouldn't swim or shower.<ref>Kaf Hachayim 551:190, Ben Ish Chai Devarim 16, Yechave Daat 1:38 </ref> | #Men who have the custom to use the mikveh daily can continue to use a cold mikveh during the week of [[Tisha BeAv]] , even according to the custom that people wouldn't swim or shower.<ref>Kaf Hachayim 551:190, Ben Ish Chai Devarim 16, Yechave Daat 1:38 </ref> | ||
==Listening to Music== | ==Listening to Music== | ||
