Twelve Months

From Halachipedia

Visiting the Grave of a Parent

  1. If a person didn’t visit his parent’s grave for ten years, there is a minhag that one shouldn’t visit it again. However, some are lenient in this regard. [1]
  2. It is permitted for a pregnant women the wife of a Kohen to go to a cemetery. [2]

Listening to Music and Dancing

  1. It is forbidden for someone mourning a parent to listen to music for 12 months.[3]
  2. Some say that it is forbidden to listen to recorded music.[4]
  3. An avel within 12 months shouldn't go to a simchat beit hashoevah if there is dancing or music. If he is the rabbi of the town and if he doesn't go it will be noticeable that he didn't show up it is permitted since it is considered public mourning on chol hamoed.[5]
  4. Within the 12 months, it is permitted to join in the hakafot for simchat torah.[6]
  5. On purim within the 12 months a mourner for a parent shouldn't listen to music or join in dancing unless he is the rabbi and it would be considered public mourning on Purim not to join in dancing.[7]

Sources

  1. ↑ The Taamei Haminhagim (no. 1071) writes that there’s a minhag that if a person didn’t visit his father’s grave for ten years he shouldn’t visit it again. The Dudei HaSadeh no. 38 writes that once ten years passed and one didn’t visit that is an insult to one’s father and his father won’t help his prayers ascend to heaven therefore there’s no point in visiting. The Gesher HaChaim vol. 1 29:16 is lenient and unconcerned about this minhag. See Tzitz Eliezer (14:79:2 and Even Yakov no. 44:5) regarding this minhag.
  2. ↑ http://www.dailyhalacha.com/m/halacha.aspx?id=2165
  3. ↑ Maharam Shik YD 368 writes that going to a place that has music playing or playing music during the 12 months after a parent passes away is forbidden. He learns it from the prohibition to go to a wedding. Aruch Hashulchan 391:12 agrees that listening to music is forbidden based on the prohibition to go to weddings. Badei Hashulchan 391:45, Divrei Sofrim 391:51, and Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2, p. 364) agree. Zera Emet YD 2:157 writes that playing music during shiva is certainly forbidden because it brings a person to simcha no less than holding a child (S"A 391:1). He discusses if playing music without a meal is forbidden during shloshim for other relatives based on the idea of going to weddings. Nimukei Orach Chaim 697:3 holds that listening to music is forbidden during 12 month for a parent. Rav Mordechai Willig (Aveilut Shiur 24) questions this approach and suggests that perhaps listing to music is only forbidden in the context of a meal.
  4. ↑ Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364)
  5. ↑ Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 364). See Zera Emet YD 2:157.
  6. ↑ Chazon Ovadia (Aveilut v. 2 p. 365), Kaf Hachaim 669:33. Gesher Hachaim 1:23:3:7 permits hakafot but not dancing on simchat torah within the 12 months.
  7. ↑ Nimukei Orach Chaim 697:3
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