Perfecting one's Middot

From Halachipedia

Many people have many different types of character traits [1]

The proper balance of Middot

  1. Not only does one have to do Teshuvah for sins that require an action, like theft but one also needs to avoid bad middot [2]
  2. The good and straight path, is to accustom oneself to follow the middle path when it comes to character traits. For example, a person shouldn't be too stingy or too generous in giving away of his money, rather one should give according to one's ability. [3]
  3. Similarly, a person shouldn't desire physical items other than what a person needs to live. Nor should a person work too much in his business rather one should work to have enough funds for his worldly needs. [4]
  4. However, arrogance is a very bad character trait and should be avoided altogether. One should accustom oneself to have a humble spirit. Additionally, anger is a vey bad character trait and one should stay far away from it. Thus, one should accustom oneself to refrain from anger even over something which is deserving of getting angry. [5]
  5. A person should attempt to engage in being quiet except for speaking words of divrei torah or something that's necessary for his worldly needs. Even for one's worldly needs one shouldn't speak excessively. [6]

Examples of Middot

  1. A person shouldn't laugh excessively [in empty matters], nor be sad; rather, one should be happy all one's days, with a good expression on one's face. [7].
  2. Jealousy, Desire, and Pursuit of Honor remove a person from the world [8]. Nonetheless, one shouldn't separate from them excessively, saying "I won't eat meat, drink wine, marry a wife, live in a nice house, or wear nice clothing; instead, I will wear a sack [of mourning]". This is also an evil path, and one is forbidden to walk on it. One is called a sinner if one does; even a Nazir is called a sinner for refraining from wine. The Torah has already forbidden enough, that we should add on more prohibitions. One shouldn't add on fasts unnecessarily. [9].
  3. One should be content with one's lot [10].
  4. One should be as bold as a lion, light as an eagle, as fast as a deer and as strong as a lion, to do the will of your Father in heaven [11]. Thus, one shouldn't be embarrassed from people who scoff at him in his Divine Service. Nevertheless, one shouldn't likewise respond brazenly to them, so that one doesn't acquire the character trait of brazenness / עזות פנים [12].
  5. Argument is very bad Cite error: Invalid <ref> tag; refs with no name must have content. One shouldn't cause argument, even for a Mitzvah matter [13].

Ways to Perfect Character Traits

How should one accustom onesself to humility? One should always speak gently, and have a bent comportment with a head looking down, with one's heart above. One should always view a person as more important than oneself. [14].

  1. For example, if one sees a rich person, when one sees his wealth, one must think that Hashem gave him wealth because he is fit for it [and able to dispense it well to charity]. [15].
  2. If the other person is smaller than oneself in wisdom or wealth, one should view him as more righteous, because if he sins, he is considered Shogeig or forced, and if you sin, it is considered Intentional / Meizid. [16]

Man's nature is to be drawn in deeds after his neighbors, friends, and people of his locale. Therefore, a person should endeavor to attach himself to Tzaddikkim and Talmidei Chachamim, so that he can learn from their ways. [17]. One should distance himself from the wicked, so that he doesn't learn from their deeds. [18].

How can one avoid Lashon Hara?

  1. If one is a Talmid Chacham, one should study Torah.
  2. If one is unlearned, one should "ישפיל דעתו"--be more humble. [19].

How can one avoid Revenge?

  1. If you want to take revenge from your enemy, perfect yourself and walk in upright ways; your enemy will be distressed at your Middot and your good name [20].
  2. However, if you respond with lowly deeds, your enemy will be happy with your disgrace [21].

Financial matters

  1. There is a pious practice not to accept any gifts but rather to trust that Hashem will provide his needs.[22]
  2. One shouldn't be stingy, but one shouldn't give away all one's money. [23].

Consequences of Bad Middot

  1. Four groups of people don't receive the Divine Presence: -Scoffers -Flatterers -Liars -Speakers of Lashon Hara [24].

Related Pages

Sources

  1. ↑ Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 29, based on the Rambam, lists several examples:
    1. There are people who anger easily, and people who almost never get angry.
    2. There are people who are exceedingly arrogant, and those exceedingly meek.
    3. There are people who pursue desires that they never satisfy, and those who don't even desire necessities.
    4. There are people who are exceedingly greedy, and will never have enough money; there are those who are satisfied with less than they need, and don't attempt to pursue a livelihood.
    5. There are some who gather money, and eat what they own with distress. And there are those who spend all of their money.
  2. ↑ Rambam Hilchot Teshuva 7:3, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot 1: page 177. see there for a discussion of the torah source for this obligation
  3. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:2, Shulchan Aruch Hamiddot volume 1: page 7
  4. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:2
  5. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:3
  6. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:5
  7. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:2
  8. ↑ Pirkei Avot 4:21
  9. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:6. However, a Rebbe said at a Sichas Mussar: modern society often confuses what actually is a necessity, and what actually is a luxury
  10. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:6
  11. ↑ Pirkei Avos 5:23
  12. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:8
  13. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:9
  14. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:3. For example:
    1. If the other person is a greater Torah scholar, one must honor him.
    2. If the other person is wealthy, one must honor him.
  15. ↑ Ibid
  16. ↑ Ibid
  17. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:10. A Rebbe, when asked what the best way to acquire character traits is, responded that it is to find people that have those character traits already, and to imitate them
  18. ↑ Ibid
  19. ↑ Kitzur S"A 30:5
  20. ↑ Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 30:8
  21. ↑ Ibid
  22. ↑ Kitzur S"A 29:21
  23. ↑ Ibid 29:2
  24. ↑ Kitzur S"A 30:6
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