Harchakot of Niddah: Difference between revisions

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Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<ref>Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref>
Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Mishmeret Habayit 3b]) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah ([http://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=9381&st=&pgnum=346 Bedek Habayit 3b]) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically. </ref> However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.<ref>Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate. </ref>
#According to some authorities, if they are sitting just to drink or to eat a small snack, a heker is not required.<ref>[[Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 18, no. 23)]],  The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)</ref>
#According to some authorities, if they are sitting just to drink or to eat a small snack, a heker is not required.<ref>[[Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 18, no. 23)]],  The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)</ref>
#A sefer or siddur should not be used as a reminder as this is irreverent usage of Holy Books. (See [[Respecting Holy Books]]).<ref>Ohel Yakov Kavod U'Kedushat Sefarim (pg. 1) quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky</ref>
#A sefer or siddur should not be used as a reminder as this constitutes as an irreverent usage of Holy Books. (See [[Respecting Holy Books]]).<ref>Ohel Yakov Kavod U'Kedushat Sefarim (pg. 1) quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky</ref>


===Eating from Same Utensils===
===Eating from Same Utensils===

Revision as of 04:29, 9 August 2020

Harchakot (Hebrew: הרחקות, tran. separations) are Rabbinic supplementary restrictions intended to prevent a couple from excessive intimacy which could lead to gravely forbidden Biblical actions during the niddah period. Since couples have a certain level of familiarity, routine, and habitual rapport, the Sages with their psychological understanding and insight saw the need for these additional restrictions. Accordingly, these precautions only apply to married couples, not to interactions with women whom a man invariably may not touch.[1]

These precautions commence with a woman's menstruation and extends all the way until the culmination of her purification process, immersion.[2] This prohibition remains even if a woman reached menopause, when she no longer experiences menstrual cycles, and in the past has not followed the requisite steps to purification; she must unfetter herself with a count of hefsek taharah, seven clean days, and immersion.[3]

Touching

  1. Physical affection of any form is prohibited to a couple during the women's niddah period. To safeguard this sin, the Rabbis prohibited any form of physical contact, even of infinitesimal and unaffectionate touch.[4]
  2. Moreover, the couple must refrain from touching the others outfit that is being worn (e.g., one spouse cannot remove dirt off the other's coat while he/she is wearing it). This is prohibited even if the other can not feel the touch. Additionally, they should even avoid their outfits from touching. This restriction applies only to garments being worn, one may touch clothing not currently worn.[5]

Intimate Speech

  1. During this period, a couple must be cautious not to engage in conviviality or lightheartedness, for such behavior often breeds physical closeness. They must also refrain from confabulating flirtatiously or frivolously.[6]
  2. A husband may - and should - praise and complement his wife on her dress, cooking, skills or the like during this period, because this is not considered intimate speech.[7] The same applies to speech normally used to cultivate a pleasant atmosphere in the home.[8]
  3. Presenting a gift to the other during this time is permitted, provided this gesture not lead them to act intimate or touch.[9]
  4. Reading a book together is permitted, provided that they are cautious not to touch one another.[10]
  5. There is a dispute between the authorities in regards to the permissibility of a couple playing board games together during this period. Leniency understandably is provided that they do not come to lighthearted or physical behavior.[11]

Seclusion

  1. The laws of Yichud prohibit the seclusion of a man and a woman who are forbidden to each other, with the goal to obviate the two from improper intimate behavior. This does not apply to a married couple during the menstruation periods, and they may be secluded in private quarters.[12] However, if a bride is a niddah at her wedding, the law is different, where the newlyweds may not even be left alone together, particularly at night, until the completion of her purification.[13]

Harchakot of Eating and Food

Eating at the Same Table

  1. Couples dining suggests intimacy, the Rabbis therefore called for caution in such an intimate setting, forming the basis for restricting a husband and a wife during this period eating at the same table without a physical reminder (often called a heker) of her niddah status. Examples of such reminders include: placing an object or food item on the table that is not normally kept there and will not be used during the meal[14], separate placemats (if they do not regularly do so) and the changing of seats if if they have fixed places at the table.[15] Sitting far apart from each other on a long table also serves as a sufficient reminder.[16]
  2. According to some authorities, this requirement for a reminder is not needed if they are eating with other adults, or with children whom are old enough to be embarrassed by intimate behavior.[17] However, the prohibition to eat from the same plate still applies.[18]
  3. According to some authorities, if they are sitting just to drink or to eat a small snack, a heker is not required.[19]
  4. A sefer or siddur should not be used as a reminder as this constitutes as an irreverent usage of Holy Books. (See Respecting Holy Books).[20]

Eating from Same Utensils

  1. It is forbidden for husband and wife to eat from the same plate or bowl.[21]
  2. Regarding eating from the same serving plate: if it is a food that one places the food on his own plate before eating (such as rice, meat, or salad), it would be permissible. If one puts the food directly into his mouth from the serving plate (such as nuts, seeds etc.), it would be forbidden to share that.[22]
  3. It is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl of food with other men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons.[23]

Each Other's Leftovers

  1. A husband cannot drink the leftovers of his wife's drink in front of her as this is considered a sign of closeness.[24] This is one directional, meaning the husband cannot drink from what remains in the wife's cup, but the wife is permitted to drink from what her husband leaves over.[25]
  2. The following are exceptions to this rule:
    1. If the drink is poured into another cup it would be permissible.[26]
    2. If someone else drank from the cup after his wife, the husband may drink.[27]
    3. If the wife drank from it but not in front of the husband, and the husband knows that she drank from it, one who is lenient has on whom to rely, but blessing will come to one who is strict.[28]
    4. If the husband doesn't know that his wife drank from it, he doesn't need to be told.[29]
    5. If the wife leaves the room, the husband can drink what remains in the cup since he is not drinking in front of her.[30]
  3. According to Sephardim, if a woman drank from a cup and left over part of it and they refilled it it would be permissible for the man to drink.[31] Ashkenazim don't accept this leniency.[32]
  4. For Sephardim, this prohibition only applies to drink and not food.[33] Ashkenazim, however, are strict for food as well.[34] Even for Ashkenazim, if the wife simply tasted the food like for Shabbat, the remaining food would not be called leftovers.[35]
  5. Whatever piece she ate from is considered leftovers but if there are multiple pieces of food touching one another and she ate one piece the others aren't considered leftovers. This applies to items that usually eaten separately like meat, fish, fruits or nuts, however, a dish which is considered like one food, such as vegetables cut finely, are considered leftovers even though she ate some pieces and left others. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.[36]
  6. It is permissible for the woman to cut a piece off a large bread and eat it and the rest isn't considered leftovers. However, if she takes a piece of an individual loaf, the rest is considered leftovers. Even when there's no issue of leftovers they may not eat on the same plate.[37]
  7. It is permissible for a husband and wife to use the same butter or cream cheese container to take to spread on bread, yet there is room to be strict. However, they should be careful that the woman doesn't take on the knife more than she needs and leave some over on the knife, which would be considered her leftovers.[38]

Other Items

  1. A man is permitted to dry his face and hands with his wife's towel when she is a niddah. He also may use her toothbrush. There is no need to set aside a toothbrush or towel for her exclusive use when she is a niddah.[39]
  2. The couple may stand an umbrella together, as long as the umbrella is big enough to allow them both to be under it without touching.[40]
  3. A couple may read from the same book as long as they are careful not to touch each other.[41]

Sitting on Her Bed

  1. The husband may not sit[42] on his wife's bed when she is a nidda since it will cause him to have improper thoughts, whether she is present or not, even if the linens have been changed to new ones.[43]
  2. The wife may lie on her husband's bed as long as he isn't there, and may sit on his bed even if he is there.[44]
  3. A couch which isn't exclusively used by her, the husband may lie on it even in front of his wife.[45] The husband can sit in a chair, even if it is special for her even if it is a reclining chair in which she takes naps.[46]
  4. If his wife is out of town for a few days when she is a nidda the husband may lie in her bed.[47]
  5. When the wife is a nidda, the husband shouldn't use pillows or blankets that are used exclusively by her.[48] If they regularly switch sheets after they are washed and they aren't exclusive to the man or woman, it is permissible to put her sheets on his bed when she is a niddah.[49]
  6. It is forbidden for a man and wife to switch beds when she is a niddah. However, they can switch when she is tahor and as long as he slept in his new bed once before she became a niddah he can continue to sleep there even when she's a niddah.[50]

Separate Beds

  1. The couple may not lie together in one bed, even if it is large and wide.[51] Even when they are in different beds the beds must be separated.[52] How far apart should the beds be? According to the strict halacha it is sufficient as long as they are separated in any amount as long as the sheets and blankets don't touch, however, the poskim recommend that the beds should be separated two feet.[53]
  2. According to many poskim it is permissible for the beds to be separated even if they are attached by a headboard, however, some hold that it isn't reccomended and some hold it is forbidden unless the headboard is just next to the beds but not attached.[54]
  3. The beds can be touching if both of them are not in bed.[55]
  4. They must use separate blankets.[56]
  5. Some poskim hold that it is permitted for them to sleep in separated beds under one canopy[57], while others hold that it is forbidden.[58]
  6. It is permissible for him to touch his wife's bed unless she's in it, in which case one should refrain from touching it unless there's a need.[59]

Sitting Together

  1. It is forbidden for a man and wife to sit together on a bench or couch that isn't attached to the ground.[60] If someone is sitting in between them it is permitted.[61]
  2. It is permitted for a man and his wife to sit on the same heavy couch since it doesn't wobble from the weight of one of them.[62]
  3. Some hold that the minhag of Sephardim is to allow a couple to sit on the same bench, while others are strict.[63]

Traveling Together

  1. A couple may travel together in a private car or by public transportation, even when they sit next to each other as long as they are careful not to touch each other or each other's clothing.[64]
  2. Traveling in a car for a vacation or pleasure trip is permissible.[65] However, some poskim are strict unless the traveling is for a purpose.[66]
  3. If the couple is using public transportation and they want to sit next to each other, he should sit on the outside and she should be near the window because he can be more careful and they should preferably place an item between them since it is difficult to otherwise avoid contact.[67]

Passing Items when a Woman is Niddah

  1. A man may not pass an item directly to his wife when she is a niddah, nor may he receive an item directly from her, lest they come to touch. In order to pass an object, they must place the item down on a table or chair for the spouse to pick up from there.[68]
  2. Even if the couple are in public and do not want others to know the woman is a niddah, they may not be lenient. They must place the item down and allow the spouse to pick it up, and not pass it directly.[69]
  3. One should be strict not to push or carry a large heavy item with one's wife who is a niddah.[70]
  4. A couple may not even pass a long object, such as a bench to each other when the woman is a niddah. In extenuating circumstances though, there is room for leniency, if they can be sure to avoid touching each other in the process. For example, if a couple lives on a high floor and there is no elevator, and they need to carry a baby stroller up and down stairs, and it cannot be carried by just one of them, the couple may be lenient and have the husband carry the bottom of the stroller and the wife the top, or vice versa, as long as they can be sure they will not touch in doing so. The law is the same with getting a stroller on or off the bus, or other similar situations.[71]
  5. A man is permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah, as long as it is not done in a lightheaded, frivolous, playful manner. One who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy, however. This only applies for Sephardim. For Ashkenazim, the strict ruling is the law, and according to them, a man is not permitted to throw an object to his wife when she is a niddah. Even Ashkenazim may be lenient if the man throws the object into the air, and the wife catches it on the way down.[72]
  6. During the wedding ceremony, the groom may place the ring on the bride's finger, even if she is a niddah, he does not have to throw it to her. However, it is proper that he be as careful as possible to avoid touching her when giving her the ring. He should place it on the tip of her finger, and allow her to let it slide down her finger.[73]
  7. At a berit milah (bris or circumcision) if the mother wants to hand the baby to her husband who is the sandakthe person who holds the baby on his lap during the berit), it is the Sephardic custom to be lenient by having the baby placed on top of two pillows. The woman holds the baby by placing her hands underneath the bottom pillow, and the husband takes the baby from her by lifting the top pillow along with the baby, while the bottom pillow remains with the mother. (In this way they avoid touching). This custom has deep roots among the great Sephardic sages and the Ge'onim. The Ashkenazim though, are strict in this matter. A woman who just gave birth may not pass the baby directly to her husband who is the sandak. Rather, another man should take the baby from her and hand him over to the father.[74]
  8. When a woman is a niddah, a couple is permitted to pass a child to one another, as long as they will not touch, and as long as the child is able to go from one parent to the other on his own, since he is essentially carrying himself (nos'eh et asmo). However, one who is strict and refrains from doing so is praiseworthy. This is for Sephardim. Ashkenazim though, who are strict regarding throwing an object to one another, should be particularly scrupulous in this matter as well.[75] However, even those who are lenient to pass a child when the wife is a niddah, should be strict if the child is extremely small, even if it can go from one to the other by itself (because its size increases the likelihood they will touch). Another case they should be strict is if the child is ill God forbid and too weak to go from one spouse to the other on its own.[76] Even when the baby is able to "carry" itself and go from one spouse to the other on its own, the couple should still pass the child to one another only when it is really necessary. For example, if the baby is crying and will suffer if the father does not take him from the mother.[77]
  9. Also, if the couple passes the child in a playful manner, that is prohibited, since doing so promotes intimacy.[78]
  10. It is preferable that a person be strict to not feed his baby while his wife who is a niddah is holding the baby. If necessary though, they may be lenient, if they are careful not to touch each other.[79]

Looking at One's Wife

  1. A husband may enjoy his wife's look even when she is a nidda and we are not concerned that just looking at her will tempt him to transgress anything. However, he may not look at the parts of the body that are usually covered.[80]
  2. When a woman is a niddah the husband may not see areas of her body that are usually covered. The definition of what he usually sees uncovered depends on what she would normally wear at home with no one else besides her husband. It is permitted for him to see her hair uncovered when she is a niddah.[81]
    1. A woman doesn’t need to cover her hair inside her house when just her family is around when she’s a niddah[82], others disagree.[83]
  3. A husband may be present with his wife in the delivery room when his wife is giving birth if his presence helps calm her down but he can't look at his wife when she's actually giving birth.[84]
  4. A man may not look at the clothes of another woman who he knows even if she is not wearing them so that one doesn't come to improper thoughts.[85] However, he can look at his wife's clothes even when she is a nidda and even if she is wearing them.[86]

Hearing her Sing

see Listening to Women Sing: Married Women

  1. According to those who allow listening to one's wife sing when she's a niddah, it is likewise permitted to hear her play a musical instrument.[87] However, those who are strict on listening to her sing would also be strict on listening to her play an instrument if it could lead to endearment.[88]

Smelling her Perfume

  1. A husband should not intentionally smell his wife's perfume when she is wearing it, while she is a nidda. If he inadvertently smells it, it is not forbidden.[89]
  2. A woman may place a fragrance close to her husband so that he can smell it for the beracha of Besamim in Havdala.[90]
  3. A woman may smell her husband's cologne.[91]

Acts of Service

  1. Being a nidda doesn't prevent a woman from serving her husband as she does during her pure days besides for pouring a drink for him, making his bed, and pouring water for him to wash his face. Thus, a woman may cook, bake, set the table, etc. as she always does even when she is a nidda.[92]

Making the Bed

  1. A husband may not cover his wife with a blanket when she is a nidda.[93]
  2. It is prohibited for a woman to make her husband's bed in front of him. However, in the following circumstances it would be permitted:
    1. If she is only changing the blakets and pillows, that is permissible. It is only forbidden to change the sheets and bed covers.[94]
    2. If it is done not in front of him. Even if he is in the room, if he is looking away it would be permissible.[95]
    3. If she simply is making up the bed in the morning after he wakes up, that would be permitted. It is only forbidden if she is doing so when the husband is about to lie down.[96]
  3. All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot make up his wife's bed, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.[97]

Pouring Water for the Husband to Wash With

  1. A woman may not pour water on her husband so he can wash his hands, feet, and face even if she is careful not to touch her husband since this expresses affection.[98]
  2. Some poskim hold that it is permitted for a woman to fill a bath for her husband but it is better for her to do so not in his presence. Others forbid this.[99]
  3. There is no prohibition for a woman to prepare water for her husband to wash his hand for netilat yedayim.[100]
  4. All of these laws apply in both directions. Thus, the husband cannot prepare water for her to use for washing her hands, feet, and face, but all of the aforementioned leniencies would still apply.[101]

A Niddah Going to Shul and Cemeteries

  1. Ashkenazim have a minhag that woman don't look at the sefer torah when they are a niddah[102] and don't go to a cemetery when they are a niddah unless she would feel bad by not being able to go to the cemetery.[103]
  2. A woman who is a niddah may recite brachot and daven regularly.[104]

Links

Sources

  1. ↑ Shabbat 13a, Responsa Rosh (no. 47), Responsa Rashba (vol. 1, no. 1188). See however Rama (Even HaEzer 21:5) for miscellaneous laws of distance one must practice when interacting with women.
  2. ↑ Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yorei Deah 195:1), Torat HaTaharah (p. 95), Taharat Yosef (3:1)
  3. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 95, Taharat Yosef 3:2.
    • Tosfot Shabbat 13b (s.v. biymey) point out that from Rashi (Ketubot 61a s.v. michalfa) it appears like there would have been leniencies of harchakot when a woman was counting her shiva nekiyim after she stopping seeing blood. Rabbenu Chananel (Ketubot 61a) also seems to hold like rashi. Tosfot argue that this is incorrect since until the woman completed her shiva nekiyim and went to mikveh she is equally forbidden to her husband with a penalty of karet. The Rashba (Torat Habayit 4a), Raavad (Baalei Hanefesh p. 10), Rosh (Ketubot 5:24), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18) hold that really there is no difference between a women when she is seeing blood and when she is in her shiva nekiyim. (See Rashba who argues that Rabbenu Chananel only meant if she went to mikveh twice. See the Rivash 425 and Ramban Shabbat 13b who forbid this practice of going to mikveh twice.)
  4. ↑ Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) and Or Zaruah (1:360) permit non-affectionate touch. All other Rishonim reject this opinion. This includes, Tosfot (Shabbat 13b s.v. biymey), Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a), and Rambam (Isurei Biyah 11:18). Following them, Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:2) prohibits any touch, even when not done for pleasure.
  5. ↑ Rashbatz (Responsa Tashbetz, vol. 3, no. 58), Pitchei Teshuva (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Darchei Tahara (pg. 41), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 86)
  6. ↑ Shulchan Aruch and Rama (Yoreh Deah 195:1) citing Avot D'Rabbi Natan (2:1). See Shach who points out that although Avot D’Rabbi Natan actually writes that they may not speak "any unnecessary speech", Tur (195:1) and Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b) explain that this only refers to intimate speech, and that which is construed as regular conversation between adults is permitted.
  7. ↑ Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 155). See The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 39 with footnote 65) who exemplifies statements included in this category: "The food tastes great" or "This dress looks very nice on you".
  8. ↑ Nitei Gavriel (Niddah 33:4) quoting Chazon Ish
  9. ↑ Tahrat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 109), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 38)
  10. ↑ Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 108)
  11. ↑ Mishmeret Hatahara (vol. 2, pg. 264) quoting Rabbi Elyashiv as forbidding. Chut Shani (Niddah p. 223) however, argues and permits this. See also Responsa Be'er Moshe (vol. 3, no. 123) who writes that the custom is to permit this. He does however recommend various precautions couples should implement during recreational play.
  12. ↑ Sanhedrin 37a, Rav Kahana's discussion with an heretic. Tosfos (v.s. HaTorah) explain that this is because the two will anyhow be permitted to each other in due course, Yichud is not problematic. Alternatively, the Rosh (Hilchot Niddah, Siman 2) explains that in order to make marital life possible and practical by allowing husband and wife to live together, our Sages derived that their seclusion is permissible. See Shulchan Aruch (Even Haezer 22:1).
  13. ↑ Ketubot 4a: "A groom whose wife began to menstruate at the time of the wedding, he sleeps among the men and she sleeps among the women, until she becomes ritually pure." Shulchan Aruch 192:3; Taharat Habayit (vol. 1, pp. 488-492). In such circumstance, a competent Halachic authority should be consulted.
  14. ↑ Shulchan Aruch (Yoreh Deah 195:3), Taharat Habayit (vol. 1, pg. 119). See also The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)
    • The Mishna Shabbat 11b establishes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a zavah so that they don't come to sin.
    • The Rambam writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat on the same place as his wife when she is a niddah. However, the Raavad (Shaar Haperisha no. 1) argues that it is forbidden even on the same table. Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3), Tur and Shulchan Aruch YD 195:3 follow the Raavad.
    • Does Heker Work? The Ravyah (Niddah no. 173) writes that it is forbidden for a man to eat with his wife when she is a niddah even if there is something unusual on the table to remind them. He writes that the rabbis of Narvona agreed with him. The Hagahot Mordechai (Shabbat no. 452) cites this opinion. The Gra YD 195:8 and 88:2 discusses these opinions and their proof from Shabbat 13a. However, the Raavad (Shaar Haperisha no. 1) holds that it is permitted for a husband to eat at the same table with a niddah as long as there is something to remind them such as only one eating on the tablecloth. The Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b), Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:3 agree. See the Ramban (Hilchot Niddah 8:3) who allows using something unusual only if there's no other table available.
    • What this dispute might be based on? The Sidrei Tahara 195:7 explains that there's two concerns of eating at the same table. The first is that merely eating together is a symbol of endearment. The second is that by eating together at the table they might come to share food on the same plate as we find by eating milk and meat at the same table. He tries to show that this was a dispute between the Raah and Rashba and that the Rosh was concerned for both approaches. According to the first approach, the Sidrei Tahara concludes, that having something unusual on the table is ineffective since either way their eating together will still cause endearment. But according to the second approach as long as there is something unusual on the table they will remember not to share food.
  15. ↑ The Rabbenu Yerucham (cited by Bet Yosef 195:3) rules that it is permitted to eat at the same table while seated different from where they typically sit. Kitzur Shulchan Aruch 153:6 and Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 119) hold like Rabbenu Yerucham. See Badei Hashulchan (195:37) however who writes that some are strict not to rely on this leniency.
  16. ↑ Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)
  17. ↑ Masat Binyamin (112, quoted by the Pitchei Teshuva 195:3) considers the presence of others as a heker. Shiurei Bracha (195:11), Taharat Habayit (vol. 2, pg. 110), Darkei Tahara (pg. 44) rule this way as well. Rabbi Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 125) is lenient regarding this as well. Badei Hashulchan (195:34) however brings that the Rashba (Mishmeret Habayit 3b) held that the presence of others does not help, and the Raah (Bedek Habayit 3b) also only permitted if someone sat in between the husband and wife. He does however agree that this is room to be lenient Halachically.
  18. ↑ Masat Binyamin 112 writes that even if others are at the same table the couple shouldn't eat from the same plate. Taharat Yosef 3:18 agrees. The Pitchei Teshuva 195:5 questions this since it is obviously forbidden to eat from the same plate in all cases because he will be eating her leftovers. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe 1:92 answers that if the pieces of food are small and he isn't eating the pieces that she started to eat there is no concern of leftovers but still there is a concern of eating on the same plate.
  19. ↑ Responsa Tzitz Eliezer (vol. 18, no. 23), The Laws of Niddah (Rabbi Nacson, pg. 33)
  20. ↑ Ohel Yakov Kavod U'Kedushat Sefarim (pg. 1) quoting Rabbi Chaim Kanievsky
  21. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:6:1
  22. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:18
  23. ↑ Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a married woman to eat from the same bowl with men other than her husband, father, brothers, and sons. His proof is the gemara Shabbat 13a which establishes a comparison between a niddah and a married woman for purposes of how we should be cautious not to violate any prohibition. Just like with a niddah it is forbidden to eat from the same bowl so too it is forbidden for other men to eat with a married woman from the same bowl.
  24. ↑ Shulchan Aruch 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19
  25. ↑ Rama 195:4 writes that she is permitted to drink his leftovers. Shach 195:5 explains that there's no concern for a wife to drink his leftovers since she's not going to instigate an aveirah with him. Taharat Yosef 3:20 agrees.
  26. ↑ Rama 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19:1
  27. ↑ Rama 195:4, Taharat Yosef 3:19:3
  28. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:19:4
  29. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:19:5
  30. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:19:6
  31. ↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 123, Taharat Yosef 3:19:2
  32. ↑ Shach 195:9 writes that even though they refilled it, nonetheless, the leftovers are still there and forbidden for him to drink. Badei Hashulchan 195:59 agrees.
  33. ↑ The Orchot Chaim quoted by Bet Yosef 195:5 writes that while there is a dispute whether leftover drinks are permitted leftover food is certainly permitted. The Sidrei Tahara 195:8 explains that since it isn't usual to drink from the same cup if a man would drink his wife's leftover drink it would be a sign of endearment. However, since it is normal to eat someone's leftover food it isn't a sign of endearment. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 125 and Taharat Yosef 3:21 agree.
  34. ↑ Rama 195:3, Shach 195:8
  35. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:21
  36. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Badei Hashulchan 195:51
  37. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Badei Hashulchan 195:51
  38. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 1:92, Mishmeret Hatahara 195:39. Mishmeret Hatahara (fnt. 111) in fact quotes Rav Elyashiv that the leftover spread on the knife isn't considered her leftovers since the main food which he's taking is what remains in the container.
  39. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:6. However, Rav Chaim Palagi (Kaf Hachaim 4:8) writes that it is forbidden for a niddah and her husband to use the same hand towel. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:14 argues that it is permitted.
  40. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:11
  41. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:14
  42. ↑ Although the Bach 195:5 argues that it is only forbidden to lie in one's wife's bed when she's a niddah but sitting is permissible, the Tur and Shulchan Aruch 195:5 rule that even sitting is forbidden. Shach 195:10 cites Bach but Taz 195:6 argues. Badei Hashulchan 195:77 is strict for Shulchan Aruch.
  43. ↑ Raavad (Baalei Hanefesh Shaar Haperisha p. 25) based on Rav Hai Goan, Rashba (Torat Habayit 3b), Shulchan Aruch YD 195:5. The Levush 195:5 explains that the reason for this prohibition is that he might have improper thoughts about his wife when sitting on her bed.
  44. ↑ Taz 195:6, Badei Hashulchan 195:79, Taharat Yosef 3:24
  45. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:80, Taharat Yosef 3:22
  46. ↑ Beer Moshe 5:144, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 135, Taharat Yosef 3:28
  47. ↑ Pitchei Teshuva 195:9, Badei Hashulchan 195:77, Taharat Yosef 3:25
  48. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:82, Taharat Yosef 3:23
  49. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:82
  50. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:81
  51. ↑ Gemara Shabbat 13a concludes that it is forbidden for a man and wife to sleep in the same bed when she is a niddah. Shulchan Aruch 195:6 codifies this. Taharat Yosef 3:2 agrees.
  52. ↑ Rama YD 195:6, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 149
  53. ↑ Pitchei Teshuva 195:11 quotes the Mekor Chaim who says that the beds need to be separated by any amount. Rav Ovadia Yosef in Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 149 agreed. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 quotes the Arizal as saying that the beds needs to be separated so that the sheets and blankets don't touch. In terms of the amount of space he writes that it should be at least the width of a person and preferably an amah (60cm) so that they don't come to touch and the blankets don't come to touch. Shiurei Shevet Halevi adds that the minhag is to put something in between the beds. Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that the beds should be separated the amount of a person's reach so that they don't come to touch. Badei Hashulchan 195:109 and Rabbi Willig (Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 45)) agreed.
  54. ↑ Mishmeret Hatahara 195:87 writes that it is permissible for the beds to be attached with a headboard. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2 writes that it isn't recommended unless they are actually detached from the headboard. Badei Hashulchan 195:107 writes that if the headboard is attached to the beds it is forbidden.
  55. ↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 155, Taharat Yosef 3:33
  56. ↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 154, Taharat Yosef 3:5
  57. ↑ Maharam Elshakar 91 writes it is permitted for a couple to sleep under one canopy even when she's a niddah based on Eruvin 63b. Shach 195:11 quotes this. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 154 accepts the Maharam Elshakar and says that it would apply to a canopy that was attached to the beds as long as the beds were separated.
  58. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:108 explains that the Maharam Elshakar was only talking about a canopy that wasn't attached to the beds but if it was attached it is forbidden.
  59. ↑ Badei Hashulchan 195:78
  60. ↑ The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. There are a number of explanations of this prohibition:
    • The Taz 195:6 holds that the concern is one of improper thoughts.
    • The Nekudat Hakesef 195:1 writes that sitting on the same bench which wobbles because of the weight of one's spouse is like touching one another. Alternatively, it is like sleeping in the same bed.
    • The Trumat Hadeshen 251 implies that the issue is causing endearment to one's wife by sitting next to her.
    • The Aruch Hashulchan 195:19 adds that the reason for the stringency is that it might lead to them touching.
  61. ↑ Rama 195:5 based on the Aguda
  62. ↑ Aruch Hashulchan 195:19, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144
  63. ↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 136 writes that the Sephardic minhag is to be lenient entirely about sitting on the same bench. However, the Ben Ish Chai (Shana Sheni, Tzav no. 23) is strict about a couple sitting on the same bench when she's a niddah.
  64. ↑ *The Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a man shouldn't sit on the same bench as his wife but it is only a chumra. The Trumat Hadeshen 251 holds that this only applies to a bench that is wobbly and not connected to the ground. However, if it is attached to the ground there is no concern. The Rama YD 195:5 codifies the Trumat Hadeshen. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 1:92 compares a car to a bench attached to the ground since it doesn't wobble because of one person's weight. Therefore, it is permissible for a man to sit with his wife on the same bench in the car when she's a niddah as long as they are careful not to touch. Taharat Yosef 3:30 agrees.
  65. ↑ The Trumat Hadeshen 251 writes that it is forbidden for a man to go in a wagon with his wife when she's a niddah if the purpose of their travel is pleasure. Rama YD 195:5 quotes this as the halacha. Igrot Moshe YD 2:83 explains that this restriction only meant to forbid going in a wagon for pleasure but walking together for a pleasure trip is permissible. Similarly, going in a car for a pleasure trip isn't like sitting on the same bench and is permitted even for pleasure.
  66. ↑ Aruch Hashulchan 195:20 writes that it isn't proper to go on a pleasure walk if one's wife when she's a niddah just like the Trumat Hadeshen and Rama forbade traveling in a wagon together for pleasure. Badei Hashulchan 195:93 agrees. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 144 writes that it is an unnecessary stringency but nonetheless one has to be careful not to speak endearing words and come to levity.
  67. ↑ <Ref>Taharat Yosef 3:31
  68. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98, Taharat Yosef 3:7.
    • Shitah Mikubeset Ketubot 61 s.v. vekatvu cites Talmidei Rabbenu Yonah who explain that the reason it is forbidden for a man to pass something to his wife (and vice versa) when she is a niddah is because passing an object is like touching.
    • Tosfot (Ketubot 61a s.v. biymey) writes that Rashi personally was careful not to pass anything to his wife when she was a niddah.
    Tosfot rejects any proof from the gemara for the opinion of Rashi. The Rashba (Torat Habayit Hakatzar 4a) and Rosh (Ketubot 5:24) are strict. Shulchan Aruch 195:2 codifies the practice of Rashi.
  69. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98. Rav Moshe Feinstein in Igrot Moshe YD 2:77 writes that a couple may not be lenient on harchakot so that she's not embarrassed because harchakot aren't so embarrassing and also they are part of halacha and we shouldn't be embarrassed to keep halacha. Rav Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 123, min. 15-20) disagreed and held that kavod habriyot could be used to permit harchakot in public when it is embarrassing and not in private.
  70. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 2:75
  71. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 98-99, Taharat Yosef 3:7
  72. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 99, Taharat Yosef 3:7:3
  73. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 99
  74. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 99-100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:4
  75. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5
  76. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 100
  77. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:5
  78. ↑ Torat HaTaharah p. 100
  79. ↑ Taharat Habayit 2:12:8, Torat HaTaharah p. 100, Taharat Yosef 3:7:6
  80. ↑ Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:4), Shulchan Aruch YD 196:7, Taharat Yosef 3:36
  81. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165
  82. ↑ Igrot Moshe YD 2:75, Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 165
  83. ↑ Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:2
  84. ↑ Rabbi Mordechai Willig (Niddah Shiur 126 (min. 52-3), Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 167, Taharat Yosef 3:38. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:7:3, however, is strict for the husband to even be present in the room when she's giving birth.
  85. ↑ Gemara Avoda Zara 20b, Rambam (Isurei Biyah 21:21), Shulchan Aruch EH 21:1
  86. ↑ Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 166, Taharat Yosef 3:39, Badei Hashulchan (Biurim 195:7)
  87. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:40
  88. ↑ Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195:6:2
  89. ↑ Pitchei Teshuva 195:1 quotes the Birkei Yosef 217:3 who forbids a man from smelling his wife's perfume when she is a niddah. Taharat Yosef 3:41 codifies this but adds that if he unintentionally smells it it isn't forbidden.
  90. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:42. See Badei Hashulchan 195:2 s.v. velo who considers this idea.
  91. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:43
  92. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:50
  93. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:26
  94. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:56
  95. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:56
  96. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:56
  97. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:57
  98. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:59. The Gemara Ketubot 61a explains that a niddah can not wash her husband's hands, feet, or face. The Rashba Ketubot 61a adds that it is forbidden even for her to pour the water and him to wash himself since the gemara wouldn't need to say that it is forbidden for her to touch him even in a non-affectionate way.
  99. ↑ The Rashba Ketubot 61a and Taharat Habayit 4a holds that it is only forbidden to pour water on her husband. However, Rabbenu Yonah (Igeret Hateshuva n. 75) forbids even filling a container of water for him to use to wash himself. Shach 195:14 agrees with Rabbenu Yonah. Taz 195:8 argues. Taharat Habayit v. 2 p. 199 accepts the Rashba and Taz and therefore permits preparing a bath for him but adds that it is better to do so not in his presence. Shevet Halevi 2:100 who forbids preparing a bath for him even according to the Taz since there's an element of endearment (chibah).
  100. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:60
  101. ↑ Taharat Yosef 3:61
  102. ↑ Shaarei Dura (Niddah no. 18) writes that a niddah shouldn't go into a shul. The Hagahot Maimoniyot (Tefillah 4:3) comments that the minhag was that a niddah wouldn't go into a shul. The Trumat Hadeshen (pesakim 132) permitted a niddah to go into shul on Yamim Noraim since otherwise they would feel bad not going to shul when everyone else is going. However, the Agur (no. 1388) writes that the minhag was that a niddah would go in a shul but just not look at the sefer torah when it is opened. The above discussion is all quoted in the Darkei Moshe YD 195:5. The Rama OC 88:1 quotes the dispute and concludes that the minhag was that a niddah shouldn't go into a shul. The Mishna Brurah 88:7 writes that the minhag today is to go into a shul but just not to look at the sefer torah when it is open.
  103. ↑ The Pitchei Teshuva YD 195:19 cites the Chamudei Daniel as saying that a niddah shouldn't go to a cemetery to daven. The Mishna Brurah 88:7 writes that a niddah shouldn't go to a cemetery. Shiurei Shevet Halevi 195 writes that a niddah shouldn't go to the cemetery because of a concern of mystical reason of tumah. However, it is permitted for her to go and stand 4 amot from the grave.
  104. ↑ The Shaarei Dura (no. 18) writes that a woman who is a niddah may not recite Hashem's name. The Darkei Moshe 195:5 quotes this as well as Rashi and others who hold that it is permitted. His conclusion is that the minhag is like the Shaarei Dura. Accordingly, Rama OC 88:1 writes that the minhag was that woman wouldn't daven when she was a niddah. However, the Bet Yosef 88:1, Magen Avraham 88:2, Pri Chadash 88:1, Gra (Maaseh Rav no. 58), and Mishna Brurah 88:7 write that there is no reason to be strict about this and in fact it is questionable how they can not recite brachot and daven when they are obligated to. In discussing teaching Torah to single girls the Tzitz Eliezer 10:8:4 writes that today we don't follow this Rama and the institution of the Bet Yakov seminaries is the proof.
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