Kibud Av V'Em: Difference between revisions

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One should be very careful in honoring one's parents as the Torah compares honoring one's parents to honoring Hashem.<ref>Kitzur S"A 143:1</ref> There's two parts to this mitzvah: 1)Honoring one's parents (Kibud Av V'Em) and 2) Having awe for one's parents (Moreh Av V'Em).
Honoring (Kibud Av V'Em) and being in awe (Moreh Av V'Em) of one's parents are positive mitzvot. <ref>The Rambam counts both Kibud Av VeEm (Aseh #210) and Moreh Av VeEm (Aseh #211) as positive mitzvot. The Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah #33 and #212) agrees. Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1 codifies this as halacha.</ref> One should be very careful in honoring one's parents as the Torah compares honoring one's parents to honoring Hashem.<ref>Gemara Kiddushin 30b and Bava Metsia 32a. This gemara is quoted by the Kitzur S"A 143:1 and Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1. See, however, Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai's opinion in the Yerushalmi (Kiddushin 1:7) who considers Kibbud Av greater than honoring Hashem! The Yerushalmi is referenced by the Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1. </ref>
==General guidelines to the Mitzvah==
# When fulfilling this mitzvah, one should realize that one is doing so in order to fulfill a mitzvah and not simply because it is logical and moral. <ref>Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:2-3</ref>
# There is no [[Birchot HaMitzvah|bracha]] for the mitzvah of Kibud Av V'Em. Some explain that the reason is because the actions done by a Jew to fulfill the mitzvah are the same ones a non-Jew would do to honor his parents as a moral obligation. Since the primary difference between a Jew and non-Jew who take such actions is the intent, for such an action one may not say "Asher Kideshanu" - we were commanded in this specific action. <ref>Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:4</ref>
# In principle, the mitzvah of honoring and having awe applies equally to one's father as it does to one's mother. However, if one's parents are married, honoring one's father takes precedence since one's mother also has to honor one's father.<ref>Gemara Kiddushin 31a, Tur 240, S"A YD 240:14, Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:7</ref>
# If one's parents ask him to violate some from the Torah or even something that is only rabbanically forbidden, one should not listen to them.<ref>Gemara Bava Metsia 32a, Yevamot 5b, Rambam (Mamrim 6:12). S"A YD 240:15</ref>
# In principle, a man and woman are equally obligated in honoring or being in awe of one's parents. If a woman is married, however, she is exempt from honoring her parents. Yet, if her husband isn't meticulous, she is obligated to honor her parents as much as possible. <ref>Kiddushin 30b, S"A YD 240:16, Shach YD 240:19, Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:38</ref>
==Honoring one's parents==
==Honoring one's parents==
# Including in honoring one's parents is feeding, dressing, and helping them walk. When one is doing such an activity, one should do it with a smile. <ref>Kitzur S"A 143:3</ref>
# Included in honoring one's parents is feeding, dressing, and helping them walk. When one is doing such an activity, one should do it with a smile. <ref>Kitzur S"A 143:3</ref>
# One must stand before one's mother and father<ref>Kitzur S"A 143:7</ref> unless they forgo this honor.<ref>Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur S"A 143:7</ref>
# One must stand before one's mother and father<ref>Kitzur S"A 143:7</ref> unless they forgo this honor.<ref>Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur S"A 143:7</ref>
# If one sees one's parent do a sin, one shouldn't say "you sinned" but rather "father, doesn't it say in Torah such and such?" in a question form and the parent will understand and not be embarrassed. <ref>Kitzur S"A 143:10</ref>
# If one sees one's parent do a sin, one shouldn't say "you sinned" but rather "father, doesn't it say in Torah such and such?" in a question form and the parent will understand and not be embarrassed. <ref>Kitzur S"A 143:10</ref>

Revision as of 03:55, 26 May 2013

Honoring (Kibud Av V'Em) and being in awe (Moreh Av V'Em) of one's parents are positive mitzvot. [1] One should be very careful in honoring one's parents as the Torah compares honoring one's parents to honoring Hashem.[2]

General guidelines to the Mitzvah

  1. When fulfilling this mitzvah, one should realize that one is doing so in order to fulfill a mitzvah and not simply because it is logical and moral. [3]
  2. There is no bracha for the mitzvah of Kibud Av V'Em. Some explain that the reason is because the actions done by a Jew to fulfill the mitzvah are the same ones a non-Jew would do to honor his parents as a moral obligation. Since the primary difference between a Jew and non-Jew who take such actions is the intent, for such an action one may not say "Asher Kideshanu" - we were commanded in this specific action. [4]
  3. In principle, the mitzvah of honoring and having awe applies equally to one's father as it does to one's mother. However, if one's parents are married, honoring one's father takes precedence since one's mother also has to honor one's father.[5]
  4. If one's parents ask him to violate some from the Torah or even something that is only rabbanically forbidden, one should not listen to them.[6]
  5. In principle, a man and woman are equally obligated in honoring or being in awe of one's parents. If a woman is married, however, she is exempt from honoring her parents. Yet, if her husband isn't meticulous, she is obligated to honor her parents as much as possible. [7]

Honoring one's parents

  1. Included in honoring one's parents is feeding, dressing, and helping them walk. When one is doing such an activity, one should do it with a smile. [8]
  2. One must stand before one's mother and father[9] unless they forgo this honor.[10]
  3. If one sees one's parent do a sin, one shouldn't say "you sinned" but rather "father, doesn't it say in Torah such and such?" in a question form and the parent will understand and not be embarrassed. [11]
  4. If one's parents tells them to violate a Biblical or even a rabbinic prohibition, one shouldn't listen to one's parent.[12]

Having awe for one's parents

  1. One shouldn't stand in the place where one's father usually stands to daven or sit in the place he usually sits at home.[13]
  2. One may not contradict his words or even say that one agrees with his words in front of him. [14]

Honoring one's step-parents

  1. One is obligated to honor one's father's wife (step-mother) as long as one's father is alive. It is proper to honor her even after one's father's death. [15]
  2. One is obligated to honor one's mother's husband (step-father) as long as one's mother is alive. It is proper to honor him even after one's mother's death. [16]
  3. A convert should honor his non-Jewish parents and he may not curse his non-Jewish parents or disgrace them. [17]

Sources

  1. ↑ The Rambam counts both Kibud Av VeEm (Aseh #210) and Moreh Av VeEm (Aseh #211) as positive mitzvot. The Sefer HaChinuch (Mitzvah #33 and #212) agrees. Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1 codifies this as halacha.
  2. ↑ Gemara Kiddushin 30b and Bava Metsia 32a. This gemara is quoted by the Kitzur S"A 143:1 and Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1. See, however, Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai's opinion in the Yerushalmi (Kiddushin 1:7) who considers Kibbud Av greater than honoring Hashem! The Yerushalmi is referenced by the Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:1.
  3. ↑ Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:2-3
  4. ↑ Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:4
  5. ↑ Gemara Kiddushin 31a, Tur 240, S"A YD 240:14, Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:7
  6. ↑ Gemara Bava Metsia 32a, Yevamot 5b, Rambam (Mamrim 6:12). S"A YD 240:15
  7. ↑ Kiddushin 30b, S"A YD 240:16, Shach YD 240:19, Aruch HaShulchan YD 240:38
  8. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:3
  9. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:7
  10. ↑ Rav Mordechai Eliyahu's comment on Kitzur S"A 143:7
  11. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:10
  12. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:11
  13. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:2
  14. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:2
  15. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:20
  16. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:20
  17. ↑ Kitzur S"A 143:22
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