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Tenayim: Difference between revisions
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==When the Tenayim is done== | ==When the Tenayim is done== | ||
# In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref> | # In many communities, the practice of signing and reading the "Tenayim" was done to finalize the intent of the couple to marry each other, and so a meal is made in honor of the engagement.<ref>Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza (Machon Yerushalayim, 1988) no. 227 (see notes there), Taz O.C. 546:2, Magen Avraham O.C. 444:9, Aruch Hashulchan E.H. 50:26</ref> According to some, this meal is a "se'udas mitzvah" and obligatory,<ref>Chok Ya'akov O.C. 444:10 and Kaf HaChayim there</ref> but most Ashkenazim seem to pasken that this meal is optional.<ref>She'elot U'Teshuvot Chavos Yair no. 70 (end), Pri Megadim to Taz O.C. 444:8, Mishnah Berurah 444:9. One of the earliest references to such a meal is in Minhageim d'K.K. Vermeiza, where it is stated that the custom is to have lokshen but not necessarily bread. This is also implied by Mishnah Berurah 551:16</ref> | ||
# Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. [http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] said that it it is not necessary to have | # Some have the practice to sign the "tenaim" immediately before the wedding ceremony, in addition to the one at the engagement,<ref>See Nachalas Shiva no. 9-11. These two versions differed in text, particularly regarding the fine that would have to be paid if the engagement was broken off due to inappropriate behavior.</ref> but today many sign only a symbolic contract at the wedding itself.<ref>[https://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/891203/rabbi-mordechai-i-willig/hilchos-ishus-part-4/ Rabbi Mordechai Willig]. See She'elot UTeshuvot Maharsham 3:127, Nitei Gavriel Nisuin I 12:8. </ref> If this is done, R. Moshe Feinstein recommends altering the text of the contract to reflect this timing (see below). | ||
# Some ''poskim'' hold that it is not necessary to write tenaim nowadays at all since the pratice today is to get engaged and they plan on getting married.<ref>[http://www.yutorah.org/lectures/lecture.cfm/827065/Rabbi_Hershel_Schachter/Seder_Kiddushin_and_Nesuin Rav Schachter in "Seder Kiddushin and Nesuin" (min 1-2)] explained that the reason for tenaim is that the couple shouldn't just get married without having first met and agreed to get married at a later date. This concept is expressed in Rav's statement that he would punish anyone who would get married without first meeting and deciding to get married (מקדש בלא שידוכי, kiddushin 12b). Tenaim therefore served the purpose of arranging the marriage in advance. Therefore, Rav Schachter said that it it is not necessary to have tenaim nowadays once the couple already got engaged and decide to get married. He added that the practice of those who insist on doing tenaim at the wedding doesn't really make so much sense.</ref> | |||
# Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref> | # Customs differ as to whether or not to write a "Tenaim" contract for a second marriage<ref>Nitei Gavriel Nisuin 49:2</ref> | ||
